It's time for the annual Halloween House Party Awards, hosted by your witty, gorgeous (It's my blog I'll have delusions if I want to) blogmaster.
The first award up for grabs this year is the Creepy Groping Man Award. Last year's winner, you may recall, was a 30-something thespian dressed as Edgar Allen Poe who ran around the house moaning, "Nevermore!" and grabbing boobies. This year's recipient goes by default to a small current Hiram student named Nick, who was dressed as an insomniac. While Nick's performance was nowhere near as ingenious or disruptive as that of last year's winner, he did show promise and complete disregard for personal space as he ran around the house caressing every female guest. Congratulations, Nick!
Although I had feared that this award would not be given this year, I'm pleased to announce that we do in fact have cause to hand out the Overreactive Men Who Worry Incessantly About Some Neurotic Woman and Break Down Mike's Door Award (Note: For full story, see Mike's post, below). This year's prize goes firmly into the hands of the Drunken Steve Duo, who, without benefit of any discernable form of reason, performed a heroic, damsel-in-distress routine. For added fun this year, Mike's door bears the splintered battle scars.
Which brings us to our next award, the ever-sympathetic Christ, I'm Sorry, That Really Didn't Need to Happen Award, which is presented again this year to Mike, who endured both an attack from the Superhero Steves and the image of Drew's naked, furry ass hanging off the edge of his bed. Mike's prize includes carte blanche to the laundry detergent in the basement to be used in the sterilization of his bedding.
Our next award is the Random Shit That Made Us Laugh Award. This year's recipients are Scott Perry and Chewy (Note to Self: Find out what the hell Chewy's real name is) who, dressed as superheroes, continually leapt in and out of rooms shouting in unison, "IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR A FIGHT, YOU FOUND IT, BITCH!"
Our next coveted prize is the Most Blatant Emphasis to Package Award, which is a man-only category. Our judges (collectively known as "the voices in my head") had a rough time deciding on a winner, but it has ultimately gone to Steve the Housemate, whose black Spiderman tights left little to the imagination. Last year's winner was Nat, whose 1999 costume featured a realistic urine stream for his Pissing Boy Lawn Ornament getup. Nat came in a close second this year by proudly sporting bike shorts with his Thor costume. However, Steve edged him out with his performance at the apple bobbing vat, threatening guests that if they failed to produce an apple, they would be required to "Service Spidey," then straddling the apple vat and proclaiming, pelvis thrust forward, "Spiderman has NEEDS!" Congrats, Steve.
Our next award, the Best Use of a Dildo in Costume Award, goes to some guy named Eek, who proudly wore a rubber dick on his head for his rendition of Choder Boy from the movie Orgazmo.
Our awards ceremony will continue in just a moment. We must break for these commercial messages, and for the fact that Kate has to go to class now.
posted by Kate at 11:17 AM link/comments
