by Kate Foster
4:00 p.m.: Former Housemate Nat and his girlfriend Amanda have gone to Boston for the weekend. It is my task to go to their apartment to check on, play with, and feed their pet bunny, whose name is Thor.
4:30 p.m.: Arrive at Nat and Amanda's. Let self into apartment and proceed to spare room, where bunny cage is kept.
4:32 p.m.: Open cage door to get food container. Rabbit rockets self out of cage, leaps across room, and bolts behind sofa.
4:33 p.m.: Decide rabbit will be OK for a minute. Refill food dish.
4:36 p.m.: Begin process of rabbit extraction. Manage to chase rabbit from behind sofa using sharp wit and a long-handled feather duster. Take rabbit into kitchen, which is blocked off by cardboard partitions to allow for free-range bunny roaming.
4:40 p.m.: Decide to let rabbit bounce around kitchen for awhile. In meantime, get self glass of soda and flip through channels.
4:55 p.m.: Nothing on TV worth watching. Decide that because Amanda is extremely fond of pet rabbit, will attempt to play with and bestow affection upon rabbit.
4:56 p.m.: Walk into kitchen, approach bunny, and scoop him up. Bunny is having none of this. Bunny begins flailing about. Bunny has sharp claws. Manage to return bunny to kitchen floor without hurling him across the room.
4:58 p.m.: Inspect hands. Bunny has effectively torn through left palm and back of right hand. Left palm is grotesque and bleeding. Notice blood dripping onto linoleum floor.
5:00 p.m.: Wash hands in kitchen sink, wrap left hand in paper towel, and begin 15-minute search for first-aid items.
5:15 p.m.: Locate first-aid kit in hall closet. Clean wounds with alcohol swabs. Whimper in pain. Place bandages on wounds.
5:22 p.m.: Return first-aid kit to closet. Look at left hand. Notice that blood has already soaked first bandage.
5:23 p.m.: Grab paper towels and apply extreme pressure to hand. Bleeding slows.
5:32 p.m.: Re-bandage hand.
5:40 p.m.: Go to balcony of apartment to smoke cigarette. Quietly curse bunny for duration of smoke.
5:47 p.m.: Return to inside apartment. Know that must return bunny to cage before leaving. Am not particularly relishing thought of getting near bunny. Decide I must somehow protect hands.
5:55 p.m.: Locate oven mitt on side of refrigerator. Can only find one oven mitt. Affix mit to right hand and place more injured left hand behind back to remind self not to use it. Begin comical, one-handed, 10-minute chase of bunny.
6:05 p.m.: Locate other oven mitt atop refrigerator. Manage to capture bunny.
6:08 p.m.: Escort evil bunny to spare room. As am lowering bunny toward cage, bunny goes spastic, leaps out of hands, and bolts behind Nat's computer desk.
6:07 p.m.: Realize bunny is chewing on Nat's computer's electrical cables. Manage to extract bunny with aforementioned feather duster.
6:12 p.m.: Return hell's bunny to cage.
6:15 p.m.: Go home and spend evening watching movies: Beyond the Mat (WWF documentary. hee.) and Run Lola Run.
posted by Kate at 9:18 AM link/comments
