At Jen's prompting (natch), we compiled a list of Shit We Have In Our House That We Don't Need. We tried to adapt it into an in-joke version of "The Twelve Days of Christmas," but we've thusfar been unable to find any item that we have 9 of. A sampling:
33 lamps
3 VCRs, two of which function in limited capacity, one of which is full of industrial lubricant
4 computers and 3 printers. Only 1 of the printers is hooked up, and it's a dot-matrix
A pair of tires belonging to none of our vehicles. They were in the basement when we moved in, and are currently being used to hold up a glass-encased collage of naked women
A yellow rubber beetle wearing a red wig
2 fondue pots
10 telephones, 3 of which are in a plastic bag under my bed. As I've never used them, I have no idea whether they work
8 framed pictures of semi-trucks being displayed in the basement
6 pillows shaped like fish
2 stuffed toy pachyderms (an elephant and a hippo)
23 pieces of drug paraphernalia
10.5 pairs of Birkenstocks (Steve has one that's missing its mate)
5 bags of cat poo
In other news, I was out of the office most of the day having lunch with my coworkers and my boss. Barbara (aka Greatest Boss to Ever Grace the Face of this Cold, Dirty World) took us to Ruth's Chris Steakhouse, a really fucking expensive restaurant on Cleveland's east side, where we ate extremely yummy food (I had shrimp gumbo, a giant New York Strip steak, creamed spinach and broccoli, and "chocolate sin cake" and coffee for dessert), laughed a lot, and expressed our hatred of the CWRU Purchasing Department. Then we drove back to campus in Barbara's Volvo, which has heated leather seats.
In yet still other news, it has been determined that Bill is going to eak himself out a new career as a performance artist. He will zoom around the streets of Melbourne naked whilst cursing, offering scathing political commentary, squirting passers-by with aerosol cheese, and smearing himself with coleslaw. Sources of funding for the project are currently being sought. Anyone with an in to the NEA or similar organization should let me know.
posted by Kate at 4:13 PM link/comments
