i was watching one of those TV magazine shows, and up popped a man who revealed--for free!--the perfect method for avoiding a hangover. he said all you had to do was drink half your body weight in ounces of water, which i interpreted to be four full bottles of my 32 oz water bottle, and then stuff yourself with vitamins, then drink the alcohol, then drink more water and stuff more vitamins into your now bloated body, and youll actually wake up feeling better than you did when you fell asleep. theres also something about drinking on a mostly empty stomach to avoid vomming. i can tell you first-hand that this method not only works to avoid hangovers, but also causes your penis to imitate a hose all night long. of course, the method really only works because youre too bloated to think about drinking alcohol, so instead you smoke marijuana and spend the evening marveling at how the human body works just like the water cycle diagrams you saw in the sixth grade. that night you dream about the ocean. you slosh when you wake up.
my real recommendation for hangoverphobes--drink three pint glasses of water before bed, or two pint glasses of Gatorade, and youll only wake up feeling heavy and a little stupid instead of deathlike. this method has never let me down, and your body absorbs all the water since it actually needs the water, as opposed to treating your esophagus-gastro-intestinal-tract-penis/urethra like a funnel. this method even helped avoid a hangover after a night of 5 shots of scotch, 5 pints of cider, several random drinks people tricked me into imbibing, and some colorful fluid the identity of which i'll never precisely know. i remember it tasted wonderful.
posted by Paully at 1:06 AM link/comments
