You know, it's bad enough that the in-box of both my email addresses is constantly filled with spam and mindless "send-this-message-to-every-breathing-human-being-on-the-planet-or-giant-anvils-will-crush-you-as-you-cross-the-street" forwards, but lately my mother's cousin has been sending me all this Christian propaganda, and it's absolutely nauseating. (To Mom: If Regina doesn't quit sending me all this crap, I'm driving to South Carolina and braining her.) This latest one was a petition to stop "the atheists" (you know, the evil atheists who spend their days worshipping Satan and nailing small woodland creatures to trees). Apparently, according to this email, which by the way attains new heights of spelling and grammatical errors, there's a group who wants to stop public radio stations from airing religious services on Sunday morning. Well, fuck yes, we should stop religious services from airing on public radio. It's bloody public radio!!!! It's funded by taxpayer money, which comes from the government, and in case anyone hasn't been paying attention for the past 225 years, we have a little something in our lawbooks called the separation of church and state. Jesus H. Tapdancing Christ in a sidecar. Maybe all the Christians are right and I'll be going to Hell at the end of it all. But in the immortal words of LindaTheMom: "I'm going to Hell? Good. All my friends will be there anyway." Reminds me of a joke: Guy dies and goes to heaven, where he's met by an angel. Angel takes him down a hallway containing three doors and tells the guy to take a look inside each door and decide in which room he wants to spend eternity. He opens the first door and sees nothing but hedonism. People drinking, smoking weed, huge orgy, loud music, etc. Opens the second door and it's more of the same: naked people in hot tubs eating caloric desserts and sipping Dom Perignon whilst getting backrubs from Helen of Troy ... that sort of thing. Guy opens the third door to find a very different scene. The room is stark and white with fluorescent lighting. Everyone in it is dressed in business attire: suits, ties, uncomfortable shoes. What's worse, they're all standing with their back to the walls in perfect silence with solemn looks on their faces. Guy looks at the angel and says, "What the hell, man? Why would anyone choose this door? Is this some kind of test?" Angel puts his finger to his lips, giggles, and says, "Shhhhh. Those are the Christians. They think they're the only ones here."
posted by Kate at 11:34 AM link/comments
