now that my girlfriend is of the chosen people--
let me start again. now that the love of my life is a latke lover--
wait. one more time. now that jen is a jew, and i know the full difference one little "n" can make, i am trying to figure out how i can leave her. if anyone has suggestions, post them to this blog.
note to jen's mother: I'm kidding. I have no intention of leaving jen. in fact, she pissed me off more tonight by putting my thesis paper into the printer with the watermark upside down than she did by telling me that she's one-eighth jewish. whereas her new religious/racial/whatever designation barely registers on my consciousness, i should point out that 25% cotton paper is expensive.
free of charge, im including an instruction manual on how to become our neighbor here in iowa. 1) become a lesbian and alienate your young lover until she leaves you, making sure at some point to break a window and a screen door, and to leave both on your front lawn for a few weeks. 2) buy a big, old-school jeep, and then use the jeep and a non-functional red car to take up three parking spots in an otherwise overcrowded parking lot. 3) buy an ancient, blind white dog. 4) leave the dog outside until 4 a.m., making sure it barks for twenty-minute spells with only short breaks between.
posted by Paully at 2:48 AM link/comments
