That story about Kate's grandma surviving the flood is the best. The thing is, here in Iowa people have a hearty suspicion that they have survived such circumstances as their house covered to the second floor by water, even when they really have no idea. Hyperbole is more than a poetic device here--it's a way of life. Routinely the news delights in reporting what might happen, no matter how unlikely. One example that hasn't happened yet, but is bound to: "Astronomers say that two asteroids have collided in deep space, splintering into large chunks of debris that will soon rain down on a tiny planet just outside Pluto's orbit. Could it happen here? We asked Professor Dunlevy, Iowa State University Extension Astronomer. [Cut to professor looking mystified] 'What? Uh, no. There's absolutely no chance of an asteroid collision raining debris onto earth. Even if that did happen, the debris would just burn up upon entry. No, that wouldn't affect Iowa, either."
Or if you prefer a real example, now that people have nearly managed to forget about Columbine, two full news programs have been devoted to discussing whether it could happen again here in Iowa. A local school closed on the anniversary of the Tragedy/Disaster/Oh My God, The Children, Why God Why because someone reportedly telephoned threats of violence. Investigations into the perpetrator of these threats are underway, but I'll bet nobody's going to the most logical source, which of course is the news channels.
Thank you all for the education on moxie/MOXIE/Moxy/Moxie. I'm a better man for knowing it.
Because you've all been so helpful with the Moxie, maybe you could give me some advice. I recently came into a little money, and while I shouldn’t reveal its source in this highly public, easily-accessible-to-G-Men-and-other-Fuzz location, suffice it to say that lonely Iowa widows can get pretty hungry for some fine Norwegian booty.
I already used most of the money to cure the difficulties I’ve been having with spelling and punctuation, as you can plainly see. As far as the rest of the money, I’m trying to figure out whether I should use it to buy a new computer. Since Alan Thick (as Mr. Seever on the hit TV sitcom Growing Pains) taught me to make a list of the Pros and Cons for any decision, I have done so below:
Pros: 1) A new computer would allow me to fulfill my destiny as a boy to surround myself with gadgets, and it would allow me to lord my growing knowledge of computers over the people around me by incessantly bragging about how cheaply I can build a computer. 2) it would reassure me that, at least for another few months, my computer is no longer hopelessly obsolete.
Cons: 1) Since I already own a functioning computer, I could use that money for better things, like groceries or books or moving to Idaho. 2) it would just take up more space in the overcrowded office that Jen and I share, and Jen has already drawn strict boundaries between her stuff and mine that I’m constantly breaking.
As you can see, the Pros and Cons are tied, leaving me paralyzed by a stalemate. This is something Alan Thick never covered. Any suggestions?
posted by Paully at 1:27 PM link/comments
