I found out yesterday that if you have friends who own golf clubs, you can pay your local golf course $8.50 and they will in return allow you to trudge around the "back 9" for 4 hours wielding metal sticks and chasing a small white ball. This is called "fun." It was all Aamir's idea. I also found out, via helpful hints from my more golf-savvy comrades, that a successful golf swing involves keeping one's knees slightly bent but one's right arm inhumanly straight while twisting one's waist in a manner that clearly violates the spine's range of mobility while keeping one's feet firmly ensconsed in the earth while somehow keeping one's eye on the ball in order to send it spiraling into space via a metal rod. This inevitably yields one of the following scenarios, which as far as I can tell are equally probable: 1. End of metal rod strikes not ball, but patch of manicured golf-course-grass located 3 inches behind ball. Patch of grass becomes dislodged from ground with resounding thud, and flies off comically at odd angle. If you ever go golfing, also remember this: Sunblock is a good idea. I currently have the facial pallor of someone's merry drunken cousin.
2. End of metal rod strikes ball, which flies off comically in direction polar opposite the location of hole. Wielder of rod must then trudge after ball and spend no less than 15 minutes searching for ball, which has inevitably rolled onto the fairway of a neighboring hole.
3. End of metal rod strikes nothing at all, leaving wielder of rod to stagger comically as a result of swing-recoil. Said wielder then must turn to friends, grin sheepishly, and mutter absurd excuses.
4. End of metal rod strikes ball, which actually flies off in direction intended, with varying levels of height and distance. This results in wielder squinting thoughtfully into the distance, attempting to hide euphoria of actually making the ball go somewhere. Should this happen, the wielder trots after the ball and, instead of doing the logical thing which would be to simply cut one's losses, pick up the ball and go home, proceeds to start the process all over again.
posted by Kate at 7:59 AM link/comments
