So, yesterday, to score points with old boss, and earn more money... well, because I need more money... I worked the closing shift at his lovely store on Cedar-Fairmount. Mind you, this is already after working from 7-3:30 at my current store... I come home, take my shoes off, socialize as best I can, then at 5:30 I'm on the road to next store, not to return home until 12:30 am. I gave Starbucks over 14 hours of my life yesterday... and those last 6 hours, worth every penny.
What can you say about a store that is right between coventry and Cleaveland, near Case Western... and open 'til midnight... college girls. Attractive, smart, college educated women, who like flirting for discounts on their coffee. For some perspective let's peek into Mike and Zack's current store, and look at the clientel. We shall hide behind this faux painting, shipped directly from Seatle, they won't see us as we watch.
Note, here comes the middle-aged black grandmother with her 5 grandchildren in orbit around her vast body... we have yet to determine if this is an effect of gravity, or corporal punishment... see how she calculates how much she can spend, per child, meticulously asking the employee poingnant questions such as 'Any other kids drinks a dolla?' Ah.... look now, you can just see, through the large line of irate white people behind her, that after 20 minutes of thourough questioning as to how much she can get for the least amount, she has produced... yes... a fifty dollar bill.
Ah.... here's an interesting speciman... note the blue suit, of expensive cut, the balding hairline, the power tie... a Tight-Assed White-Skinned Businessman... common in this area. Ah, see how he makes his order with authority, no questions, no room for doubt... ooo, the poor employee has stuttered over the order, losing points with the Businessman, who already considers said employee to be a backwater, uneducated bufoon... see how he tosses his money down with disdain, slightly to the left and out of reach of the employee... done so to draw the Employee out of his comfortable stance, throw him off balance as the Businessman... POUNCES, TEARING OUT HIS THRoat... oh, wait, he's just said keep the five cent change. Sorry.
Oh ho... observe, here comes the next common species of customer to be found at starbucks... observe, well dressed... clean shaven... wait... listen, there it is, the order. An iced, decaf, triple, rasberry, skim, extra hot, no foam, two sweet an' lo, double cupped latte. We have before us, the Middle-Aged, Middle-Class... yes, he does have the slight lisp.. Gay Man. Ah yes, there is his partner... note, while the order recited here is as should be given... for the sake of time and space, it was given over the span of 30 minutes, in various ways.
Now, let us make our way to this other Starbucks habitat... yes, behind this display stand, no one pays attention to it.
I see... what is this... a female... college student, note the books and papers... the style of clothing, sheer, skimpy... quite provocative... I believe we have here the Affluent Suburban Princess, College Variety we shall know for certain when she orders... now, that's odd. She just ordered a coffee. I'm amazed folks, we simply have here a Smart-Attractive College Co-Ed... truly a rarit... what's this!? A line of them, out the door?! Truly odd... must spend more time observing this habitat... find what attracts them all to this location...
Ah, here is another commonality, the Jockus-Idiotous. Here we have the jeans, college jacket, with pins... the slightly vacant expression. These commonly order 'Regular Coffee' only after asking for the flavored of the day. Listen, it speaks now.... hmmm... odd. That was a funny joke. A fluke. Sorry folks, sometimes these things happen... now comes the order... a cappuchino? Hmmm... I may have misjudged this customer by his close resemblance to the Jockus, when instead, we have another rarity, the Cool College Guy. Very strange... there is something about this location... ah well.
Thank you for joining me on this fascinating study of the Starbucks Clientle Tour... more to come later.
posted by Mike at 1:24 PM link/comments
