Wow, Kate, you have had a day very much like mine. I hate guys like that, they put you in a position where your only two available responses are "fuck off," which I don't like (I mean, I am generally a nice person. Besides, guys wanting to get in a girl's pants is not a hanging offense, I don't mind being hit on in general, so it's not like I'm offended by being asked - just give a girl a graceful way to say no thanks. I would think this would leave both parties with dignity intact) and "oh yes, I would very much like to fuck you right now," which is much much worse.
So, I am about to hop in the shower this morning and the phone rings. I thought it might be Melinda or work (both important calls, one might need me to bring her new clothes because of another skunk incident, or to tell me my office has blown up and I won't be needed today) so I answered it. To blantently rip off Kate's technique, we will now switch to a screenplay format:
Me: Hello?
Boy on phone with a voice which would make "I went to church yesterday" sound like sexual harrasment, to be referred as "Him" from this point on: Is Lincoln there?
Me: Um, I don't think so (checks) no, sorry.
Him: Who is this?
Me: Uh, Holly, listen, I -
Him: Whatcha doing today, Holly?
Me: Going to work, so -
Him: Where you work at?
Me: Who is this?
Him: Tom. Where you work at?
Me: Oh, you must be Lincon and June's new roommate. Well, I'm running late so -
Him: Where you work at?
Me: I'm in social work.
Him: Oh. Holly is a really beautiful name. You got a boyfriend?
Me: Yes, I do.
Him: Man, everyone's gotta boyfriend!
Me: I guess that's how it seems when you're single. It was nice talking to -
Him: You happy with him?
Me: Yes, I am. Very happy. He makes me very happy.
Him: What do you look like?
at this point I realize I am standing in a room naked talking on the phone to a complete stranger that is totaly creeping me out...not happy right now, not at all
Me: If you're going to be Lincoln's roommate, I'm sure you'll come over sometime to meet me and my boyfriend and then you'll know. I'mrunninglaterightnowsoIreallyhavetogonowthankyougoodluckbyebyenow click.
I can't even get a small ego rush, because he didn't even see me. I'm just left going through the rest of my day feeling like my ear has been humped.
posted by Holly at 2:58 PM link/comments
