Yup. And I'm going to go completely raging mad if he uses the word "evil" one more time. Does this man really think Americans are so dumb as to think he's actually good at this job, and not simply a great big flesh-and-blood puppet being operated by government staff who are clearly much more intelligent than he? Erm. Wait. Don't answer that question. The answer would only upset me. In other news ... I did it. I caved. I got cable tv. Years ago, I purchased industrial-strength tv-top rabbit-ear antennae. Until now, they've served me well, enabling me to tune in at least 5 or 6 channels. Apparently, however, the innards of my new apartment's walls are stuffed full of magnets, causing all radio and television signals to flee in horror from my home. With the antennae, I could pick up two stations fairly well, and a third if I elected to stand in front of the tv for at least 15 minutes at a crack, manipulating the rabbit ears in ways god never intended rabbit ears to be manipulated. "Hmmm. Maybe if I twist them into a double helix ..." I ordered basic cable, which surprised me by being a) fairly cheap, and b) far more extensive than I had anticipated. The last time I checked, "basic cable" meant "you get the same channels as you would with an antenna, except the picture's much clearer." Not anymore, by gum. I now have 70 channels. Most channels fall into one of the following several categories: As if that weren't enough, I also have the Catholic Channel (a.k.a. "Nuns on Parade"), the Cartoon Network, Comedy Central, and some channel that plays a different international news show every hour. I saw part of the Vietnamese news last night. I would have watched Slovakia, too, but it was late, and I would have hated to waste all the excitement in one night.
1. Psychotic Consumerism Channels Featuring Clownish Women Who Get Really Excited About Teflon Cookery and Ugly Jewelry (QVC, HSN, MSN Shop-O-Rama (or something similarly titled), ValueVision, etc.);
2. Our Elected Officials: Arguing Nonsensically on the Floors of Congress Channels (C-Span, C-Span 2, C-Span 3: This Time It's Personal);
3. Continuing Coverage of The War on Terror Channels(alternately "Reporters Who Have Been in Afghanistan for Six Weeks Yet Managed to Maintain Ruggedly Handsome Looks and Perfect Hair," or, "Gnarled, Haughty White Men With Names Like Wolf Have Something Very Important To Say.");
4. Hi! We're Your Cable Company! Let Us Tell You Why Your Life is Barren Without the Benefit of Pay-Per-View and HBO! Channels;
5. Public Access. My favorite. Last night I watched a show where some local guy ran around local bars and talked to local drunks. It was great. It went like this:
Host: Hi! Having fun tonight?
Wan, Scantily Clad Girl #1 (hoisting cup of beer above head in celebratory manner): Yeeeeaaahhhhrrrrr. Heeeeyyyyy. Whooooooooohooooo!
Host: You, sir! What's up!
Frat Boy (doing mock pro-bodybuilder/pro-wrestler muscle flexes): Yeeeeaaaahhh. Rawwwwwwwr. Whoooooohoooo!
Host: Hey, girl! You look fiiiiine!
Wan, Scantily Clad Girl #2 (waving her hands in the air like she just didn't care): Yeeeeaaahhhhrrrrr. Heeeeyyyyy. Whooooooooohooooo!
posted by Kate at 12:14 PM link/comments
