Wednesday, February 28, 2001

Does it count for anything that my middle name is Linda?
 
posted by Kate at 11:44 PM link/comments

ANOTHER Linda? what is it with us???? 
posted by billyjoe noodle-bob at 10:36 PM link/comments

congrats on the job offer to mr. yang. jobs can be just the thing to lend that dreary life some sense of purpose. not that your life is dreary. is your life dreary?

i have a girl anecdote: i was with my mother, who is of an older generation, having come more than half way through her fifth decade on earth. she's a dear, sweet woman who i wish well. so she told me one time, "Paul, I won't be home this weekend because we're going on our Girl's Getaway." i was bemused by the terminology, and in a fit of righteous PCness i replied, "Well, Mother, how often do you go on this WOMAN'S Getaway," with heavy emphasis (in case you missed my all-capital-letters cue) on the WOMAN part. and suddenly the joy on my mother's face was replaced by a bit of confusion followed by a stolid look of determination. with that same encouragement offered by a mofia don about to tell you that yes, you do indeed want to buy protection, she said, "Well, the GIRL'S Getaway is an annual thing." case closed. so to all those who may think otherwise: Linda Cockeram is NOT A WOMAN, she is A GIRL.

what does it mean? you tell me. different generations, different priorities. one thing is for sure: i was never scared of my mother before that moment, but i swear, if i had called her vacation a "Woman's Getaway" one more time, she would have snapped me like cold peanut brittle.

i remember that car of which you speak, kate. i had a pleasant evening in the backseat one night. i recall making plans to open a resort back there, to install a pool in the trunk and a tennis court in the floor area. im a big man, but ive never felt so small. it was nice. and then you ruined it and got your little 80's rock chix car. how could you? 
posted by Paully at 9:27 PM link/comments

Thanks for the birthday greetings! I'm afraid i'm didn't do much. Still have lots of work left to do before I quit school. Incidently, one of my lecturers broached the topic of me doing some research work with him after I graduate. I think he offered me a job.  
posted by Tim Yang at 5:05 PM link/comments

About 5 years ago, I was home from college for Thanksgiving, and my parents sent me out to shuttle my elderly Great-Aunts Mary and Virginia to our house for the annual feast. So I'm trucking down the street in my '76 Impala ... wait. hangon. i need to interrupt myself here ...

*moment of silence for '76 Impala. V8 engine; plaid vinyl seats; the relative size of a barge; only a two-door so that both doors were about 4 feet in length and approximately the same weight as a sperm whale (if i wanted to open the passenger door for someone whilst sitting in the driver's seat, i had to unbuckle my seatbelt and slide across the seat because i couldn't reach otherwise. (and let's not forget that i was already 5'9" in high school); no working radio, so i kept a tape player on the front seat, which for the most part played nothing but cassettes of Led Zeppelin, The Cure, and Toad the Wet Sprocket; the ashtray wasn't so much as a tray as a trough -- it pulled out perpendicularly from the dash and was about 4 inches wide and a foot long (i am not making this up. tell 'em, mom. and you too, paul. i think you had the privilege of riding in the impala) and could hold at least 200 cigarette butts.

This story falls under the category of Dumb Shit I Did In High School That I Never Told My Mother About. Ready, Ma?

so one day, my friend anthony breznican and i were driving down the road (just past parnassus, going towards sardis, near that driving range, mother) and we were both smoking cigarettes (i told my mother that i never smoked in high school. i lied, and realize now that she knew it all along) and i stubbed mine out in the ashtrough, which was by now overflowing with cigarette butts. brez did the same, and i shoved the ashtrough closed. it was a nice day, we had the windows open, and about five minutes later, brez says, 'hey, do you smell something burning?' i sniffed the air and said, 'hmm. yeah. it's probably just someone burning garbage,' to which he replied, 'then why is your dashboard smoking?' i looked down to see that smoke was billowing out of the ashtrough area, so i yanked it open. before my eyes was a pile of roughly 200 cigarette butts, the majority of which were smoldering. to make matters more interesting, some of the paper on the filters had ignited, producing low-level flames. brez and i were screaming, panicking, using the name of the lord in vain, and evoking various expletives. in retrospect, i realize that the smartest course of action would have been to pull over and deal with the problem, but for some reason i decided to keep driving. with the windows open, effectively providing our little bonfire with much-needed oxygen. after a struggle, brez managed to extract the giant ashtrough, leaned out the window, and hurled the contents of the inferno onto the road, all while we were trundling along at about 50 miles an hour. i looked in my rearview mirror to see a most impressive display of pyrotechnics, with bits of flame and soldering cigarette filters exploding in orange ash on the road. strangely enough, i opted not to tell my parents about the evening's events.*

Anyway, so Aunts Mary and Virginia were in the car with me, and they were commenting on some woman they knew who was married but (gasp!) hadn't changed her last name. Rather than to wisely follow Lindathemum's "sometimes it's better in the long run to just ignore it" principle, I elected to challenge their gereatric viewpoint, and told them that I had no intention of ever changing my last name if I got married. There was a stunned silence from the back seat for a few seconds, then Aunt Mary cried, "But Katy! What about the children???" in a manner that suggested that my refusal to change my last name would be approximately as psychologically damaging to children as, say, raising them along the Gaza Strip. I let the issue drop, and the two of them went back to arguing about the various appropriate chip-and-dobber configurations permitted at the weekly church hall Bingo game.
 
posted by Kate at 4:50 PM link/comments

Kind of funny, and sort of related: We were out the other night with Steve's co-worker, Mark, and he told me that when he met Steve, he had suspicions that Steve was gay. I asked why, and Mark said it was because he kept referring to "my partner Dave." What Steve was referring to was the fact that he and Dave go to the gym together, thus making Dave Steve's workout partner. Eventually all was clarified, but I thought it was interesting (and pretty damn funny). Like that scene in American Beauty when Scott Bacula and that guy who played his lover were at the door at the evil Marine father's house and Bacula calls his lover his partner. Col. Fitz says, "Partner? Well, what kind of business are you in?" and Scott Bacula replies, "Well ... he's an anesthesiologist, and I'm a tax attorney." Brilliant.
 
posted by Kate at 4:00 PM link/comments

Ah, yes the title thingy. Mr. Grumpy and I lived together for a while, and mostly I just referred to him as 'Phil'. If it looked as if it would be an issue, or if I cared what people thought I explained further. Once at a formal company dinner, we were going through the receiving line and everyone was being introduced. "This is John Smith, and this is his wife Donna, this is Phil Kowalski and this is ... err, um, this is Linda'. So after that we called each other the 'err, um'. Most of the time is didn't matter. It is amazing to me how important this sort of thing is to people. I have even had people ask 'Are you married?' Apparently it is difficult to come to grips with a married couple having different last names. My answer to that is "Why? Does it matter?".
I think in the long run, the kids liked it when we got married - much easier to explain to people, teenagers can be very conservative.
As for the 'girl' thing - I agree it's crappy. I still get it and I am obviously not a girl. Sometimes I point out that if I called a man 'boy' there would be an uproar. All I can say is pick your battles, sometimes it is better in the long run just to ignore it, sometimes you need to make a stink. You can probably judge if it is just a thoughtless slip, or evidence of a deeper problem.  
posted by lindathemum at 1:05 PM link/comments

Nifty. We're a "recent interest" to Dangerous Monkey. 
posted by Kate at 9:37 AM link/comments

Life here in the office has improved since yesterday, mostly because I am officially rid of the aforementioned annoying-professor print job. My boss was like, "Um. Katy has 7 websites to maintain. I'm not going to let her spend 5 hours folding flyers." I think I'm going to found a religion worshipping my boss.

I have always had problems with relationship lingo. I hate "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" because it makes it sound like you should be giving each other class rings and making out under the bleachers in the gymnasium. You can't really "the man/woman I'm dating" if you're in a serious thing because then it will give the impression that you are merely courting and not, say, shacked up with joint custody of three cats and a German Shepherd. I've always had issue with "significant other" -- sounds to me like an evil alterego. Like there's a clone of you running around the Lesser Antilles heading up a cockfighting ring or something.

Maybe that's the true reason people get married: Semantics. You husband, me wife. Instant understanding from the masses. BlogMothers (as you are the only married parties on this thing), any comments?
 
posted by Kate at 9:32 AM link/comments

Tuesday, February 27, 2001

i call jen my "GF." to me it's short-hand for "girlfriend," which you probably figured out all by yourself. what you may not have figured out is that my students routinely confront me with suspicious eyes. "I thought you said she was your fiance," they say. i nod and hem and haw. i mumble something about how, yeah, jen and i are making plans to marry, but neither of us has bought the other any kind of promisary ring, and jen told me she doesnt like being called my fiance unless there's a hard and fast date for our marriage set in some stone somewhere. so depending on how much of this i want to explain at the moment, i either end the discussion by mumbling something the students cant quite understand (you'd be surprised how often this works), or i'll charge cavalierly forward and say, "But yes, lads and lasses, of course I meant my fiance. We're going to be married the moment I graduate with my Master's. You're all invited."

i guess you could say im living a lie.

one time i did come clean, and i told them that the reason i dont call jen my fiance is because of that episode of Seinfeld where Elaine is stuck talking with some boring hag at a party, and the hag keeps saying, "Where is my fiance? I have lost my fiance." and Elaine says, "Maybe the dingo ate your baby," and it made me laugh until milk came out of my nose, and forever after that i felt like the stupid hag whenever i called someone "my fiance." they understood.

i've never heard myself referred to as anything in the workplace, so i cant contribute to that part of the conversation. one time someone told my students that im a hard teacher, so i called that person a jackbooted nazi and then we tussled on the floor a little while. eventually we made up, and the student realized that sure im a tough teacher, but im also fair, and i can handle myself in a streetfight, and that's the main thing.

kate, at copyworks one time i folded paper for like three straight hours. so i know your pain, is what im saying. it was a thin slice of hell, but eventually i entered this zen state where my hands moved of their own accord while my brain went somewhere far away, and then eventually ended up nowhere at all. when i came to all the paper was folded, and i had twisted some poor child that had wandered too close into uncomfortable contortions, and it was time to go home. did you find that zen place? if so, then maybe folding all that paper was worthwhile after all, grasshopper.

billyjoebob, would you go on jerry springer with me?

kate's mom: welcome. i dont want to sound ungrateful, but it's about freaking time. 
posted by Paully at 11:33 PM link/comments

If it makes you feel any better, Katethegirl, my bosses constantly refer to me as "the girl back there" when they are talking to new students. They don't limit it to me, though. All my adult male students are simply known as "that boy" and any woman is usually "the mom." I realize this is partly due to the fact that my employers have an extraordinarily tough time with names but it's also a pretty clear window into how they are perceiving everyone. On the other hand, I still refer to Paul as my boyfriend, which isn't exactly accurate. But "domestic partner" sounds ridiculous and "partner" makes it seem like a business venture and I'm not subconsciously critiquing his appearance by calling him a "boyfriend," whereas your male colleague mentioning "lovely girl" is more of a loaded statement, although probably unintentional. Anyway. Thesis over.  
posted by Jen at 11:12 PM link/comments

I know you guys are sick of me harping on about it, but I'm telling you, you haven't lived until you've seen a 6 foot transsexual break the nose of a Klan member..... Jerry Springer. Also, if you look to your left, you will notice that new online indicators have been added for Bill and Kate, making it easier to know who to turn to in times of crisis. The vagaries of the inernational date line being what they are, you have a pretty good chance of ONE of us being online pretty much 24 hours a day...... enjoy.

P.S. Kate, no matter how shitty and bumbum poopoo your job is, remember that it's better than the alternative, although it sounds to me like Mr Professor Man needs a good swift kick in the nuts.

 
posted by billyjoe noodle-bob at 8:55 PM link/comments

And here are two more things that have boiled my blood today:

1. In a meeting this morning, one of my coworkers (male) was talking about one of the Ph.D. program assistants (female. late 20s. brilliant and hardworking.) who works with us. My boss commented on her good work and intelligence. "Yes," replied my male coworker, "she's a lovely girl."
2. One of the profs around here "complimented" me on my design work by sending me an email that said, "Nice work, kiddo." When he's talking to my boss, he refers to me as "your girl," as in, "We need a flyer designed. Can we have your girl do it?" What am I, a fucking 12-year-old indentured servant?
 
posted by Kate at 1:25 PM link/comments

OK, so let's say you're a person with a Ph.D., and you're hosting a big conference. Now let's say that you have someone theoretically "in charge" of your publicity design and printing. Let's say you have admitted on more than one occasion that you know nothing about the ins-and-outs of printing. So here's the quiz. Do you:

a) Allow the person in charge of the job to take care of the printing, trusting that she'll get the job done properly?
b) Check in with her repeatedly asking questions that have no relevance to the job at hand? ... or
c)Make 10 phone calls to the printer incessantly interrogating him or her about the per-sheet cost of paper, then at the last minute, tell them you don't want to spend the extra $30 to have the 2,500 copies folded. You figure it would be cheaper to fold the copies yourself. Of course, you're considering asking your designer and print coordinator to "help" with this task. She makes $12 an hour, and it will take her at least 5 hours to fold 2,500 copies. In other words, it's twice as expensive to give the job to someone who has much better things to do than to pay a machine $30 to do it. But that doesn't matter, because the $60 doesn't come out of your department's budget, so why not exploit others?

Yes, that's right. The correct answers are 'b' and 'c.' I am sooo cranky today.
 
posted by Kate at 1:21 PM link/comments

Ack....Sorry, Tim, I totally forgot to say this yesterday, but if it makes any difference ...

Happy Birthday, Tim!

(sorry it's a day late).
 
posted by Kate at 12:56 PM link/comments

OK - i was wrong - it's in the New York Times. Guess they mean it when they say 'all the news that's fit to print' 
posted by lindathemum at 11:48 AM link/comments

Welcome Lindathemom. How come my little boy didn't send me big kisses? Just asking.

Don Bradman - officially recognised by everyone (including the English) as the greatest cricket player in the world. Try finding a mention in the US papers about him. That's the problem with the world's official super power. Not enough cricket.

 
posted by lindathemum at 10:22 AM link/comments

Yup. That does it. I'm officially relinquishing any intentional grip I might have had on Sanity. There's no point in hanging onto reason and rationale any longer. The great irony is that this esteemed institution, world-renowned for its research and intellectualism, comprises a mind-bogglingly huge amount of idiots. More later, after I save the world from destruction and take some antacid for this stress-induced stomach ache.
 
posted by Kate at 9:49 AM link/comments

Monday, February 26, 2001

Um...Wasn't "Don't Whiz on the Electric Fence" some bit on the old Ren & Stimpy Show? Or am I making shit up again? Powdered Toast Man was pretty cool, though.

Welcome, Mama! *kiss*

I am so not the terror of the universe. Let us not forget that Teddy (my brother) is the one who built a trench in the backyard so he and his buddies could perform a "Vietnam Reenactment." I have never made homemade explosives. Love you, mommy.
 
posted by Kate at 11:49 PM link/comments

It's like there should be rules set out for you as a young child.... and some things you should just KNOW.... like don't eat the yellow snow..... and don't shit on the tigers (of course, I have a very interesting story to tell about don't pee on the electrified fence, but we'll save that one for later) 
posted by billyjoe noodle-bob at 10:00 PM link/comments

HIIIIIII linda!!!! welcome - now we have double mother action..... yay... ok so Don Bradman was this guy who played cricket - but he was like totally the best player ever and he was a really nice guy and he did things like: purposefully signing everything anyone put in front of him, to devalue his autograph so no-one could get rich off of it... and he was a lovely man... and he died and it was sad...

Ok so football - well it's a little difficult to go into here, suffice to say that it's real, and there's no pads.

 
posted by billyjoe noodle-bob at 8:46 PM link/comments

I did it! I'm here! Hello, all of you out there!!! I am LindatheMOM who on 3-5-76 begat the one and only Kate, the terror of the universe. Who is Don Bradman? 
posted by Linda at 1:05 PM link/comments

Ah, yes. Our Don Bradman. Think Joe Dimaggio without any of the negative factors (no Mafia connections - married to the same woman for 60 years, no pretensions) - a great sportsman, a fine person, and a credit to his country. We are indeed all in mourning. It's truly dumb that the death of a man I never met should sadden me and make me homesick - but it does.  
posted by lindathemum at 10:52 AM link/comments

Sports. There's a unifying factor in humanity. I think we could achieve world peace if we could just get every nation to agree on one sport to be obsessed about. Hmmm. Actually, I think the US may be the sticking point here. Seems like we're the only nation on the planet not wholly obsessed with football/soccer. I have to admit, though, that I can sometimes sink my teeth into a good televised American football game. Has anyone watched that new XFL thingy yet? Thoughts?

Let's play a game called "Americans Know Fuckall About Other Countries" -- I have never heard of this man, but Australia is evidently in mourning. Yank bloggers?
 
posted by Kate at 10:16 AM link/comments

Gawd. I don't even know where to begin. The blog has been deluged.

First, I must state for the record that the martini conversation amused the living hell out of me when I read it yesterday afternoon ... I would comment, but I have no business doing so. In the world of martinis, I am a drooling ignoramous.

As for James Bond, I always think of a newspaper article I read when I was in Cambridge wherein a bunch of Cambs University students had done a study (don't ask me why) of what would have become of James Bond had he been an actual human being. They took into account factors like his age, his sexual habits, his alcohol consumption. They figured out that, statistically speaking, James Bond would have by now become a gnarled old man whose body was little more than a host to a smorgasboard of various sexually-transmitted diseases and physical maladies. Of all the people I knew who read the article, the opinion lines were strictly drawn by gender ...

Women's Reaction: Ha ha ha. This is fantastic. Hey, you men. Look at this.
Men's Reaction: Bullshit. James Bond could never grow old. And besides, he's a fictional character so this study is stupid.

This is when I realized that although there can be vast and fascinating intricacies in the world of gender, there is one common thread amongst heterosexual men: An overwhelming deep-seated psychological desire to be James Bond.

It even crosses lines from time to time. I'm pretty sure Holly has JamesBond Envy. After all, she owns a "007" Zippo lighter. Holly, any comments?

Sidenote: During conversations about James Bond, I have occasionally been known to mix up actor names and erroneously refer to Pierce Brosnan as Bronson Pinchot. Bronson Pinchot is the actor who played "Balki" on that awful 80s sitcom Perfect Strangers. For Melinda, who has an unhealthy obsession with the show and is forever bitter than PS reruns are not available anywhere in syndication, here is a Perfect Strangers homepage. God bless the Internet.

As for you, Tim, why are you volunteering your services as a photo editor? Although I must comment that your post made me feel quite a bit better about myself. I have not yet reached the point of desperation where I'm willing to invent bisexual tendencies to attract potential mates.

For the love of God, Paul, what game has a coffee called BM? And I think we should start a campaign to have your landlord locked away for the good of humanity. Our landlord never fixes anything, but to his credit, he doesn't give a flying rat's ass what we do. I could start keeping a herd of cattle in my room and the man would barely flinch. Which reminds me, we finally have a semi-operable storm door on the front entrance to our home. I say "semi-operable" because it takes a great deal of manual dexterity to get the door to close and latch properly. But at least it's attached.

I have pictures to post from the weekend, but I have to get some work done around here before I leave for my design class at 10:30. I will, however, leave you with this, which I noticed hanging on the outside wall of a gas station yesterday. It made me giggle.
 
posted by Kate at 9:57 AM link/comments

You are right Jen - each to their own martini. But, not surprisingly I don't really want hairs on my chest. You just need a hint of dry vermouth - not enough to make the taste buds recoil - hence the cunning little mister. Mr. Grumpy makes the best martinis I have ever had. Come and visit and we'll have a taste test Paully, that's always the best way to settle the argument. I love a good martini, I am glad that I didn't start on them until my days of excessive drinking were past - I won't say any more (I am, after all Bill's Mum - I don't want to embarass him).

The football thing - I'm not really good at sport - in Melbourne they play a game called Australian Rules Football not like anything else you've ever seen. Put a link in for me Bill.

 
posted by lindathemum at 9:50 AM link/comments

Sunday, February 25, 2001

Good lord. I don't check the blog for two days and look what happens. Six-Layer Kate is the place to be, apparently. This makes me ridiculously happy.
 
posted by Kate at 10:41 PM link/comments

AHA!! i always knew there was something fishy about that James Bond.... turns out he was a Time Lord 
posted by billyjoe noodle-bob at 10:09 PM link/comments

dry vermouth is for barbarians. i mean, if i wanted a mouth full of poison, i would suck on a gas station nozel. sweet vermouth is the only vermouth. and bitters put hair on your chest.

football team? you mean, like, soccer? ;) 
posted by Paully at 12:44 AM link/comments

Saturday, February 24, 2001

Had a fun time sleeping in sleeping bag last night. I like it when I can take my sleeping to a level of "fun."

Wow, lindathemum really put it to Paully about the martinis. I have decided that gin (good gin, that is) is the best liquor in the world because it's euphoric. Wait, maybe that's why the sleeping bag was fun... 
posted by Jen at 3:34 PM link/comments

So - it is one of those days (rare) that make you glad you live in Portland Maine (the penultimate stop before the end of the world). The sky is a brilliant blue, there is a fresh coat of snow so white it almost hurts the eyes and all is well with the world.

AND sorry to ruin your fiendish plan Paul but artinisMay with sweet ermouthVay - shock horror! The true afficiando uses a cunning little spray to mist the glass with dry ermouthVay. And ittersbay? Never!

Speaking of language Australians find it very amusing when when we hear of some young thing rooting for the football team. Really?

 
posted by lindathemum at 9:56 AM link/comments

i forgot to say some things, so im being indulgent and posting again. hope you dont mind.

did i mention that i was posting here before it was cool?

anyway, i wanted to tell kate what kind of liquor has been going into my martinis, lest she think im swilling Popov's diluted vodka from plastic tubs. but then i remembered billyjoebob being led into temptation when jen mentioned a certain brand of gin. so i thought and thought about how i could communicate the info without tempting billyjoebob off the wagon, since i love him a lot and want only the best for a man daring enough to wear underpants on his head while he blows out the neighborhood's windows and ear drums. then i realized: australian people cant speak Pig Latin! genius, yes? so kate, i will tell you in Pig Latin that ive been inkingdray mirnoffSay martinis with artiniMay and ossiRay sweet vermouth, a dash of ngosturaAay ittersbay, and an anishSpay oliveay. i even bought special glasses. i was using rayGay ooseGay vodka because it's reportedly the best in the world (which is heartbreaking because it's made by Fifis over there in Fifi-Frog-land (Note to racially sensitive people: that was a joke. I really love Frenchies, despite their obsession with certain annoying comedians, because they make kickass cheese)). but rayGay ooseGay vodka is also damned expensive, especially when the government is milking you for money. so i switched.

billyjoebob, it's good to see you posting once in a while. it lets me know youre still strapping undergarments to inappropriate parts of your body and unleashing the proper noise into the outback. i have a secret mission for you: find the site where Survivor happened and burn it down, so that there is no risk of that mess ever happening again. 
posted by Paully at 3:03 AM link/comments

there's a whole lot of shaking going on around here lately. welcome everyone to the blog. am i qualified to welcome people? um. i hung out here before it was cool! so there.

today in iowa there was nearly a war of the parking lots. people in our humble apartment complex routinely get pissed at one another because of friends parking behind friends. threatening notes are left on cars, bonfires are set and thoughts are had about immolating the loud party people. tow trucks are summoned. everything came to a head when we contacted the landlord about parking rights, and he said something like "if your friends park in my lot i'll charge them five dollars per day." thanks, lad grove. he would charge his dying mother for the privilege of kissing him goodbye.

right now people are standing outside in windy, freezing-rainy, ten degree weather, and theyre screaming. i keep thinking about a friend of jen's who once walked across the hiram campus (which is smaller than some city blocks) wearing only a t-shirt, and when she got where she was going she had frostbite on her nipples. so tomorrow there are probably going to be a lot of sore nipples around here. im weak with anticipation.

i think it's funny that we were all indicted for racial insensitivity. i'd like to go on record as saying that i laugh at Japlish despite being fully aware of the reasons it sounds like it does, and that i dont think asian people are less human because their language has no liquid sounds in it (r's and l's) and follows a completely different syntactical system than English does. or that there are cultural differences. i just think it's funny that someone said "all your bases are belong to us." i mean, these video game companies make truckloads of money. cant they pay some poor schmo to sit in their design room and say, "Umm, evil overlords don't usually greet their prey with 'Good morning gentlemen.' And naming a coffee 'BM' will make Americans think of poop."?

i know a lot of people who could do that job, and who would love to have the work. how about it, nintendo?

tim, i dont know about you, but i love baptising cats. my sister had six of them, and my mom had two more, and this created the potential for a lot of tormenting. i mean them tormenting me, and me trying to retaliate but realizing that, in terms of evolution, claws and sharp teeth are a better advancement than stubby seven-year-old fingers and my war cry of "Yo Joe!" that i borrowed from a favorite cartoon. i still have scars. so i say, baptize away, joe; baptize those cats in the fiery flames of eternal damnation. 
posted by Paully at 2:46 AM link/comments

Go to Neopets.com. It's the perfect example of big corporations inculcate the consumerist culture in little kids.

You can create cute little pets there that go around and BUY things from companies like Britannica.com in order to make their pets smarter or stronger or more wuvvable.

Er, why am I going to places like Neopets? Urm... uh... never you mind! 
posted by Tim Yang at 1:49 AM link/comments

Friday, February 23, 2001

I managed to get myself some volunteer work as a photo approver at Rankpeople.com. All I said was I was a *cough* professional photographer *cough*. But I think they let anybody do it.

I'm looking at all these strange photos of people who register their photo captions as though Rankpeople.com was a dating agency (it is sort of). Sad captions like "Single and looking", "Would it help if I said I was bisexual" and "I'm looking for a boyfriend" are attached to pictures that come from graduation photos and drivers licences. This is a gas!

Some people even send nude amateur photos. I have to reject them. (But of course I save a copy for myself.)

Incidently my photo got ranked about the same as James Dean's! After he was dead, that is. 
posted by Tim Yang at 11:24 PM link/comments

sorry to be a wet blanket about the cool music thingy but i'm listening to a recently rediscovered (it was hidden in a bunch of playstation cds) recording of Jimi Hendrix live at Monterey in June of 67. Mother will attest to exactly how loud I can play Hendrix, and as we speak, the floorboards are vibrating and the windows are doing that bizarre wobbly thing they do right before they shatter in those groovy 70s earthquake movies. His ability to conjure a WALL of sound, using only his astonishingly large hands and that gorgeous graffitied Fender Strat (backed up by a massive fucking stack of Marshall amps) must be heard to be beleived. Don't buy into that edited-and-saccharineized-to the shithouse version of Purple Haze you hear on saddeningly rare occasions in supermarkets at four am. Go out and buy either Live at Winterland (with reproduction concert poster) or Monterey. Then sit back, light a fucking huge joint, and turn it up so loud your neighbour's ears bleed.

You'll enjoy it.

Trust me, I have undies on my head.

 
posted by billyjoe noodle-bob at 10:38 PM link/comments

Kate - Elliot Smith, way good. I have one of his CDs. Listened to it nonstop for a week. "Junk Bond Trader" is my favorite.

Have been thinking about trash for the last hour, and how, when the kitchen trash is full, we just keep creatively piling stuff on top of the precariously balanced trash tower, as both a form of laziness and rebelliousness. Mostly laziness, though. I've also excelled at creative dirty dish stacking. And creative clean dish stacking. Someone get me a home ec degree... 
posted by Jen at 7:35 PM link/comments

Things you learn when you are five...

No matter how hard you try, you cannot baptise cats.
 
posted by Tim Yang at 5:30 PM link/comments

Paraphrased from another blog...

One lesbian shows another lesbian her set of perfectly manicured long fingernails.

"This," she says,"is exactly how long it's been since I've had sex."
 
posted by Tim Yang at 3:56 PM link/comments

Hey - here I am, posting to Six-Layer-Kate. Where are you Lindathemom? 
posted by lindathemum at 1:54 PM link/comments

Elliott Smith. Absolutely unfuckingbelievably good music. Sometimes I wonder how I let wonderful music escape me for so long. Go to Napster and download "Miss Misery" and "Between the Bars." Mmmmmm.
 
posted by Kate at 1:53 PM link/comments

My nose has had quite enough of winter weather. And I blame it all on the United Kingdom. Before I went to England in '96, one of my professors asked me if I had any sinus problems. I said that no, my sinuses were clear, and she grinned and replied, "Don't worry. You'll have plenty of sinus problems by the time you get back from England." Sure enough, for the past four winters, I have had to make sure that I am never more than 100 feet away from some sort of facial tissue product. I want to jam tiny sticks of dynamite into my sinus cavities and let rip. This is the only viable solution I can come up with.
 
posted by Kate at 11:04 AM link/comments

Comments from Tim:

I hate group blogs.

I reckon that if a single blogger isn\'t a good enough writer that he or she can sustain reader interest on a personal blog then banding five or six of these bloggers together still isn\'t going to make the blog any more interesting.

But I take my hat (er, beany) off to you guys. Nice stuff.

But there is one thing I really hate about this blog and that is the policy of mixing reader comments with the rest of the content of the blog and breaking up the text flow. That will suck.

(Tim puts on his flak jacket to ward off blows from the other readers who will have to plow through his inane chatter to get to the stuff that they really want to read.)

Hmmm. In defense of my cutting-and-pasting comments methods ... The reason I do that is because I know that a large majority of posters to this blog access it through blogger.com, and not through the site's url. I want everyone (particularly my dear fellow bloggers) to be able to read the comments people post, but I know not everyone will see them if I don't post 'em. But I agree with you that my current system isn't terribly aesthetically pleasing or convenient. It occurs to me, however, that with the exception of the comment below, the only folks who ever post blogvoices comments are Tim and Lindathemum. So I've sent blog invites to both of these folks. The more the merrier, I say.
 
posted by Kate at 9:33 AM link/comments

Neato. Someone else likes us. Consequently, Six-Layer Kate got loads of hits over the past day or so. Someone left this comment following my post below about Engrish I've seen lately:


Name: prozaction
Email: christopher@toastandtea.org
URL: http://www.toastandtea.org

how racially sensitive of you.

*sigh* Obviously, because I found humor in grammatical errors, I'm a flaming racist.
 
posted by Kate at 9:11 AM link/comments

*hugs for Paully*

At least you're consuming respectable alcohol in your perpetual Quest for Hangover. Or at least I'm assuming you are. One does not usually concoct a martini using poor ingredients. I remember my first martini. College party when I was 18, and someone made me a "martini" consisting primarily of dilluted grocery-store vodka packaged in one of those plastic gallon quintessentially-cheap-and-dilluted-liquor jugs. The owner of the room had (no. i'm not kidding.) a taxidermied, authentic severed boar's head on his dresser. Ted Nugent was playing on the stereo, and there were a lot of burnout boys talking about how great it would have been to come of age during the mid-70s. Yup. It was just one big joy ride in the fast lane at our college. *giggle*
 
posted by Kate at 8:44 AM link/comments

the ad analysis patch is behind me, filthy thing that it was. let's all forget about it and move on, shall we?

lately i have been slugging back martinis and then having hangovers and then resenting everyone who tells me bad things about my stories. that last category includes everybody on the planet earth, pretty much.

i just wrote checks to various governments totaling about $360.00. im not bitter.

i lied. i am bitter.

goodnight all. 
posted by Paully at 4:23 AM link/comments

All this goth/hip/unhip talk is mingling with my recent self-awareness that I'm much too serious about my clothing. I used to not be half so serious about my clothing...it's got something to do with the fulltime job, I think. And that's just wrong. WRONG. My favorite items of clothing right now: an honest-to-god scrub shirt from a hospital (a stellar goodwill find, indeed) and some sleek black pants that are woven with the tiniest glitter thread. I would wear them 24-7 were it healthy. But in my recent forays to Goodwill Land, I have passed up shirts I should have bought on the spot. One was from a slaughteryard (it had a rustic looking cow skull with the cattleyard's logo under it) and the other was a Y2K classic that interpretted Y2K as meaning "Yes to the King," the king being Jesus, not Elvis. See, I need to start wearing this stuff for the sheer humor of it all.

 
posted by Jen at 1:03 AM link/comments

Thursday, February 22, 2001

Okay, am I the only person that thinks these union jack boys sound kind of cool? As far as the goth thing, if you haven't discover the ultimate goth-mocking experience that is the comic book Johnny the Homicidal Maniac (and yes, Billy, I am talking to you) then...I guess you haven't discovered the ultimate goth-mocking experience that is Johnny the Homicidal maniac. Um. I know that didn't end so well, but you can not fault my logic. 
posted by Holly at 2:39 PM link/comments

Jen, I have the best thriftstore colored-sleeve shirt in the whole world. It's a white shirt with three-quarter-length orange sleeves. On the front is a drawing of a chicken with the words "Breakfast Club" above it. On the back it says, "Something to Crow About." I've had it for about 6 years now and I can still think of no plausible explanation for its existence other than to make me ridiculously happy every time I wear it.
 
posted by Kate at 9:46 AM link/comments

Some Engrish I've seen lately: "We hope you now enjoy your nice Chinese food," (on a chosticks wrapper); "Some our food hot and spicy. We can alter the spicy according your taste." (on a Chinese menu).
 
posted by Kate at 9:41 AM link/comments

Technically, Paul's students are wrong. The Dodgers exist; they just belong to Los Angeles. I think they moved out of Brooklyn in the late '50s. All right. Commence giving me a ton of shit because I have shameful, non-hip, anti-intellectual knowledge of baseball facts. Sue me. I like baseball. I played fast-pitch softball for 10 years. I am a fair-to-middlin pitcher and an outstanding first base(wo)man. Mea culpa, mea culpa ...

The boys in black ... No, I've never seen any of them wearing suspenders, and they (thankfully) do not dress in white attire and adorn themselves with ridculously large codpieces. And as far as I know, none of them have ever beaten a woman to death with a large ceramic penis. I don't think they're punks, though. They're much too well-groomed and they don't wear any heavy metal gear.

I'm glad someone else here shares my irritation with the goth thing. I mean, hell. I've listened to The Cure and Mazzy Star as much as any of them, but I've never felt this overwhelming need to make myself look like a giant corpse and intentionally walk around looking angst-filled.
 
posted by Kate at 9:28 AM link/comments

In regards to your spooky students in black clothes with Union Jack buttons ... well, maybe that's a Punk thing -- didn't it start in the UK? Maybe make them watch Sid and Nancy (the one with Gary Oldman, are there any others?) and then ask them for a report or essay or something, if you're the malicious make-them-hate-what-they-once-loved type. If you're feeling lucky, punk, why not spend a couple of lessons / tutorials on what the attraction is with uniformity ... the history and function of the uniform, the notion of mass hysteria, play that snippet from (God, am I really citing this film) Dead Poets Society where they're walking in a circle and then gradually start marching in step ... and if you really want to FuXx0r your students up, Full Metal Jacket =c] Look at the goth 'movement', itself a bland uniformity, as protest against uniform social blandness! Spot the person who never went to university and always wanted. Maybe. 
posted by Alex at 2:20 AM link/comments

Every link from today is officially very creepy. I did my civic blog duty and looked at all of 'em. On hipness, unhipness: Last Saturday I spent an hour of my existence looking through a Des Moines Goodwill store in search of one of those early-80's type long sleeved shirts where the sleeves are one color and the rest of it is another color, preferably with a random number smack in the middle. I've had an uncontrollable urge to wear one of these since November. I found something sorta close, but to get to the punchline, yesterday one of my wee youngin' speed reading students was talking about "the weird character" in a book, and I was all like, "do you remember what the weird character was wearing?" The student said, "yeah, she wore 80s clothes." Thanks, kiddo.

Paul also made a stunning hip faux pas when, in class, he referred to the Brooklyn Dodgers for some unknown reason and his students promptly informed him the Dodgers no longer existed. (Which, admittedly, I would not have known either...)  
posted by Jen at 1:12 AM link/comments

Wednesday, February 21, 2001

well. this explains everything then..... The rise of the Loompa proletariat sound warning. 
posted by billyjoe noodle-bob at 4:52 PM link/comments

oh yeah - and this is a pretty good source of japlish, or engrish. Must fly, looking for oompa loompa page.... 
posted by billyjoe noodle-bob at 4:36 PM link/comments

Hipness... I get hipper every day, although now that you mention it i know not of these people of which you speak - then again - perhaps i'm simply becoming groovy... they seem to conjure up images in my head of suspenders - do they wear suspenders? If so, they sound eerily like the droogs in A Clockwork Orange, and I don't know if I could cope with that. As for Ouchy the Clown, yeah he scared me too - but you have to FACE your fears Kate, otherwise you'll never overcome them (commence search for bizarre S&M mime) hangon i need a bizarre link here - i suppose you've all seen this?

Comment:
Name: lindathemum
Email: linda@falmouth.lib.me.us

Of course one of the many advantages of being 50 is that I have
absolutely no desire at all to be hip. How hip is that?
 
posted by billyjoe noodle-bob at 4:30 PM link/comments

Hipness. Considering the fact that I used the phrase "down with that" in my class last week and they all laughed at me, I have resigned myself to being un-hip. Really dreadfully so.But I showed them pictures of starving children and birthdefects from the "Colors" magazine today and shocked the hell out of them. That was good stuff. Had to keep the mag out of their hands though, to conceal pornography in article about poor use of paper. Felt secret victory of own personal hipness. God, I'm pathetic. 
posted by Melinda at 4:18 PM link/comments

Holly, to the best of my knowledge, you have yet to begin doddering. I hope you enjoyed your 15 minutes of hipness in 1988. In 1988, if I remember correctly, I was in 7th grade and had a bad perm. I also wore stonewashed jeans and listened to bands like Poison and Slaughter. I had an earring in the shape of Poison's band logo.

Short men in large trousers ... Come to think of it, there is something about Danny DeVito I've always found mildly unsettling. Thanks, Hollybear. You've put that psych degree to good use today.
 
posted by Kate at 1:30 PM link/comments

It's simple, Kate, you hate short men in large trousers (or, in the case of mimes, thin men in make up). This makes perfect sense to me. I have the feeling that when you start uttering phrases like "are all the kids doing that these days?" you are, regardless of the question, un-hip. I am okay with being un-hip, because I am used to it. I believe that for fifteen minutes in 1988 I might have experienced hipness, but the moment was fleeting and growing dimmer in my memory as old age and doderage seeps deeper into my bones.  
posted by Holly at 10:33 AM link/comments

Oh My God. Bill Dennis, don't you ever post links to S&M clowns on my blog again. *uncontrollable shuddering* Clowns scare me to begin with, but one clad in leather and holding a mace? Geesh. On that note, here is a list of Three Things that Scare Kate to Death:

1. Clowns
2. Mimes
3. Oompa Loompas
 
posted by Kate at 9:07 AM link/comments

Speaking of being un-hip, perhaps someone can explain something to me. I've been noticing an increasing number of students around here (they seem to be predominantly unsmiling male art students) wearing the following getup: Essentially drab clothing (mostly black and gray) covered by a long gray military-style trenchcoat. They all wear those big clunky thick-framed glasses, have short hair, and all of them wear those short-brimmed, usually wool, always gray, hats. Damn if I can remember the name of said hats; picture the hats men wore whilst standing in line for the dole in the cold during the Depression, or the hats old men wear in winter. In any event, these hats are always adorned with small, possibly-politically-themed pins and buttons. I haven't been able to examine up close to find out what they say, but one of them is always always a button of the Union Jack. What the hell? Has anyone else noticed this? It's a little creepy, to be honest with you.
 
posted by Kate at 8:59 AM link/comments

It makes very little sense to me why anyone taking a speed reading class would be hell-bent on using military time. Is this some new trend? Are all the kids doing it this days? I am painfully un-hip.
 
posted by Kate at 8:42 AM link/comments

deliver the child forthwith to Ouchy the Clown 
posted by billyjoe noodle-bob at 5:12 AM link/comments

Today I tried to explain Shakespeare's Julius Caesar to the world's most reluctant high school student. The only sentences I could drag out of his soul were "I hate this stupid play" and "No, I don't know what the word conspiracy means." Arrrrgggghhh. Maybe I should have tried communicating in some form of Japlish.

I can confirm that Paul is freaking out extensively about this latest batch of papers he has to grade. Some part of him has died, I think. Send him soothing vibes and pray that he doesn't skewer the next student who uses the word "you" in an analysis...

Here is a random topic -- military time, useful or just archaic? I have a number of students who insist on signing up for their next class using military time. So instead of writing 4:30 like a mere civilian, they write 1630 in huge block numbers. Very authoritative, but I'm like, why? Reading class need not operate on military time.  
posted by Jen at 12:49 AM link/comments

Tuesday, February 20, 2001

The Lord is my pimp; I shall not want ...
 
posted by Kate at 11:32 PM link/comments

 
posted by billyjoe noodle-bob at 9:05 PM link/comments

lies lies lies - don't listen to anything Alex says about me, it's all lies... in the meantime - discover everything there is to know about Camel Dung Diaphragms 
posted by billyjoe noodle-bob at 8:36 PM link/comments

Today I designed four promo pieces for various university programs, which is a bit much. Have a draft of a brochure due tomorrow, and since I've spent the day designing other things, I'm officially out of creative punch. Best bit is that I have no artwork whatsoever for this piece. Professor in charge looked at me and said, "Um. The title of the symposium is 'Museums in a Developing World.' Here's the list of speakers. You can find some appropriate artwork, right?" So now I'm trying to find artwork. What the hell kind of artwork do you use for a symposium about museums in developing countries? Can't use any photos of artwork because the symposium covers a range of countries, and if I use, say, a photo of Mexican artwork, then I might offend the Estonian Art Historian. I think I'd better go out for a walk. My brain hurts.
 
posted by Kate at 3:19 PM link/comments

Gimme gimme copy of thesis. Dammit. Email as attachment. You know the drill.

Oops. Sorry, y'all. Forgot to introduce you to your latest co-blogger, Alex 4.0. Alex lives in Melbourne, Australia, and, as you may have surmised, is a friend of BillyJoeBob. Say hello, and enjoy the Australian invasion.
 
posted by Kate at 9:00 AM link/comments

Alex 4.0, I don't know who you are, but you and your link to a satirical riff on japlish have brought more joy into my life than a six-pack and a bathtub full of gorillas ever could. thank you, mr. magic man.

you people with your advertisement analyses think you can beat me, but you cant. there is no analysis too vague, no statement too far-fetched, to make me think i have lost. i will not lose. i must. not. lose.

one time, kate, i went to a bar and got good and sauced on many long island iced teas, and then i realized that the woman selling me said drinks was one of my students. i gave her a big tip and told her to say nothing. she said nothing. what im trying to say is, bribery works.

orders are now being taken for a copy of paul's thesis. post all orders to the blog. 
posted by Paully at 1:58 AM link/comments

Monday, February 19, 2001

Some videogames gain notoriety through their bad use of English, dubbed 'Japlish' by some. My personal favourite is Captain America and The Avengers, and it features such gems as 'You can't escape!' 'YOU will be the one escaping!' and 'Don't disturb us!' 'Why should it goes well?'. Much to my disappointment, Captain America is currently listed as unMAMEable due to encrypted roms. Something that did get the MAME treatment is 'Zero Wing', and it features some incredibly bad english. Funny bad. Cult bad...

All Your Base Are Belong To Us.

 
posted by Alex at 9:52 AM link/comments

Oh, hell.

So we went to this hippie-band concert on Saturday night. And now I'm at work. And I was just talking with one of our student employees. Conversation went like this:

Me: Hey, Matt.
Matt: Hey! I saw you on Saturday night.
Me (whilst carefully hiding fact that I'm currently having coronary): Haha. So you were at the Strangefolk show?
Matt: Yup.
Me: Ah. I hope I wasn't doing anything too stupid.
Matt: I don't know. By the smell of it, everyone was doing something stupid. (gives me knowing grin)
Me: Ha ha ha.

*banging head on desk* I'm never leaving the house again.
 
posted by Kate at 9:28 AM link/comments

Jen, you were in my dream last night. You (and presumably Paul) had moved in across the street from us. I don't remember much of what happened in the dream, but I do remember that I was slightly bufuddled because you were at least six inches taller than me. And I kept thinking, "No. I'm sure Jen was shorter than me the last time I saw her." Not sure what this means. Analyze me at your discretion. Or maybe you were just wearing big shoes.
 
posted by Kate at 8:53 AM link/comments

Friday, February 16, 2001

Jesus, Paully. I must've mentioned the Lithuanian thing to you before. Lithuanian and Polish pride is beaten into every member of my family at birth. When my cousin Eric was in kindergarten, his teacher called my aunt, concerned that Eric was "speaking in tongues" in the classroom. Turns out he was just emulating his mother, my mother, and my grandmother by exclaming "Jesus and Mary!" in Lithuanian whenever he felt the need to be exclamatory. I can't quite recall how to spell it, but phonetically, it's pronounced, "Why yey-zeus tah mad eeah." Maybe I've never been quite so open about my Lithuanianess. Perhaps this is a shortcoming. Maybe I should come out of the closet, so to speak, and scream my Baltic and Eastern European heritage from the rooftops! I can curse like hell in Polish, too.

Gotta go. Tony's coming to fetch Jen and me, and we're going to some bar in The Flats. As I type this, Jen is running around wearing a red boustier. She occasionally comes tearing out of her room with various pants and skirts on to ask which ones best complement said boustier. She's also terribly upset with me because I'm wearing a mere jeans-and-niceish-shirt combo. But I dyed my hair bright red, so she says I have some redeeming quality. The soundtrack to this is the Rammstein and Rage Against the Machine CDs she has blasting from her room. Someone please explain my life to me.
 
posted by Kate at 10:30 PM link/comments

what the hell? kate, youve never mentioned lithuania to me before. is this an offshoot of your startling new cat fetish?

i am grading advertisement analyses, and i am learning that students resist thinking at all opportunities. then many of them resent me for asking them to think in a certain way. it is, of course, perfectly fine for science and math to ask them to think in a certain way. just not that dirty fucking english.

every day i find myself hating republicans a little more. thank you for the gasoline on that fire, kate.

i did pretty well at gay-or-eurotrash, but not well enough to be gay and hunting for a date in new york. it's a good thing im neither. 
posted by Paully at 9:41 PM link/comments

Hey, everybody! It's Lithuanian Independence Day! As an American with Lithuanian ancestry (I can ever say certain phrases in Lithuanian, which translate to such niceties as "Give me money," "Eat," "You have no shame," and "I'm going to hit you and you're going to fly across the room." i learned these from my grandmother, who occasionally feels the need to chastise us in a baltic language), I feel I should educate everyone about this glorious holiday:

Independence Day (Lithuania) -- One of the two dates on which Lithuania declared independence. The first liberation was from Austrian, Prussian and Russian occupation on February 16, 1918. This made it legal to resume printing books in the Lithuanian language.

To celebrate, everyone go out and eat kugel. Except vegetarians. Kugel is a potato pancake/casserole thingy. Besides potatoes, it contains bacon and lard. Mmmmmmm.

And if you're drinking tonight, make sure you toast in Lithuanian: "In sveikatus" (pronounced: "un-svay-kah-toos")
 
posted by Kate at 3:55 PM link/comments

Nat and Amanda dragged me swing dancing last night. It rules. I wanna swing dance forever.
 
posted by Kate at 11:01 AM link/comments

Thursday, February 15, 2001

It makes me so happy when I get good email forwards....

20 RULES FOR BEING A GOOD REPUBLICAN IN 21st CENTURY AMERICA

1) You have to believe that the nation's current 8-year prosperity was
due entirely to the work of Ronald Reagan and George Bush, but that
yesterday's gas prices are all Clinton's fault.

2) You have to believe that those privileged from birth achieve success
all on their own.

3) You have to be against government programs, but expect your Social
Security checks on time.

4) You have to believe that government should stay out of people's lives, yet you want government to regulate only same-gender marriages and what the official language of this country should be.

5) You have to believe that pollution is OK, so long as it makes a
profit.

6) You have to believe in prayer in schools, as long as people don't
pray to Allah, Krishna or Buddha, and you're not too sure about Yahweh.

7) You have to believe that only your own teenagers are still virgins.

8) You have to believe that women cannot be trusted with decisions about
their own bodies, but that large multinational corporations should have no
regulation or interference whatsoever.

9) You know you love Jesus and that Jesus loves you and that Jesus
shares your hatred of AIDS victims, homosexuals, and President Clinton.

10) You have to believe that society is colorblind and growing up black
in America doesn't diminish your opportunities, but you still won't vote
for Alan Keyes.

11) You have to believe that it was wise to allow Ken Starr to spend $50
million dollars to attack Clinton because no other U.S. presidents have
ever been unfaithful to their wives.

12) You have to believe that a waiting period for purchasing a handgun
is bad because quick access to a new firearm is an important concern for
all Americans.

13) You have to believe it is wise to keep condoms out of schools,
because we all know if teenagers don't have condoms they won't have sex.

14) You have to believe that the American Civil Liberties Union is bad
because they defend the constitution, while the National Rifle Association
is good because they defend the Constitution.

15) You have to believe the AIDS virus is not important enough to
deserve federal funding proportionate to the resulting death rate and that
the public doesn't need to be educated about it, because if we just ignore
it, it will go away (like in Africa).

16) You have to believe that biology teachers are corrupting the morals
of 6th graders if they teach them the basics of human sexuality, but the
Bible, which is full of sex and violence, is good reading.

17) You have to believe that Chinese communist missiles have killed more
Americans than private handguns, alcohol, and tobacco.

18) You have to believe that even though governments have supported the
arts for 5000 years and that most of the great works of Renaissance art
were paid for by governments, our government should shun any such support.
After all, the rich can afford to buy their own and the
poor don't need any.

19) You have to believe that the lumber from the last one percent of old
growth U.S. forests is well worth the destruction of those forests and the
extinction of the several species of plants and animals therein.

20) You have to believe that we should forgive and pray for Newt
Gingrich, Henry Hyde, Bob Livingston and Rudy Guilliani for their marital
infidelities, but that bastard Clinton should be strung up.

Comment:

Name: lindathemum
Email: linda@falmouth.lib.me.us

Thank you, Kate - having a crappy Friday - this helped.

 
posted by Kate at 4:00 PM link/comments

Cat fetish? Um...no. I'm not sure I want to think about all the implications of a "cat fetish," but I don't think I have one. Unless being really happy every morning when Lazarus licks my nose to wake me up counts. Sometimes it's just the little things in life that keep me going.

In other news, we managed to have an extremely satisfying Valentine's Day last night. Jen, Steve, Melinda, and I went to the Cleveland Museum of Art with friends Tony and Aamir. Then we went out to Hunan Coventry and ate yummy food and drank good wine. Aamir gave the toast, which consisted of his raising his glass and saying, "Fuck Saint Valentine." We were the only tableful of non-couples in the joint. We elected to view this as being indicative of how cool we are. Some guy got up in the middle of the restaurant and proposed to his girlfriend; she accepted and there was much applause in the restaurant. I quickly finished off my glass of Lindeman's merlot, and then I felt much better about the whole thing. Every single person in this country should have a herd of similarly bitter people to spend time with on Valentine's Day. Cheers, y'all.
 
posted by Kate at 9:01 AM link/comments

The new groovy boardgame of the 21st century... Gay or Eurotrash play it now - not a Milton Bradley game 
posted by billyjoe noodle-bob at 3:03 AM link/comments

Another snow story: Driving out and about town today, Paul and I witnessed a mindless "that snow ain't slippery" driver blast through a red light, nearly wiping out a trundling group on the cross walk and nearly hitting the car in front of us. The scene was a candidate for "World's Wildest Car Wrecks That Almost Happened, But Didn't." In speed reading news, one of my students got a call-back for a Days of Our Lives audition in Los Angeles. So he's jetting out of the heartland next week, with promises to speed read his script.

I thought the bonsai kittens were funny too. You know, the coolest bonsai tree I ever saw was a honest-to-god Maple Tree in a tiny square pot. The leaves changed color in autumn. No kidding. That's a hard core bonsai.  
posted by Jen at 1:36 AM link/comments

here in iowa we all awoke to another few inches of snow on the ground. i promptly did some math, and i quickly determined that there will have been snow on the ground for at least five out of twelve months once this terrible winter ends. that's nearly half a year. now, maybe ive been spoiled by years of relative non-snow, but this seems like a cruel joke. i hate snow. people say it's beautiful because it's white and it covers everything, but to those people, i say Fuck you.

in other news, i finished a story about porn last night. it needs a lot of revision, but it's done. for some reason i had a really hard time writing it. it's really difficult to be discreet when youre talking about bondage. even though i think i pulled off discretion pretty well, i still think i'll leave the story out of the copy of my thesis that i give to my parents. the last thing i want is for my mother to read my thoughts about bondage and its relationship to ladybugs.

the bonsai cats made my day. thank you, billyjoebob.

kate, there are support groups for people with excessive cat fetishes. you should check into them. 
posted by Paully at 12:33 AM link/comments

Wednesday, February 14, 2001

So Blogger was completely unavailable all day (server problems, best I could figure), which explains my lack of post. It's raining and my neck hurts like a rotten bastard. That's about it for now.
 
posted by Kate at 3:59 PM link/comments

Tuesday, February 13, 2001

Damn. Our cats are too old to be bonzaied. Guess I'll just have to torment them in more orthodox ways. Like making them wear pipe cleaners on their heads.
 
posted by Kate at 4:10 PM link/comments

For your viewing pleasure, here are some pictures, courtesy of Kate's Digital Camera ...

Under the category of "Yeah, so Kate's way too caught up in her cats' lives. What's it to you?" we have shots of Lazarus, Azrael, and Tia and Neko wearing antennae Jen fashioned out of pipe cleaners. Also, here's Lazarus proving that he is, indeed, a very holy cat.

Taken the same day was this shot of me on Jen's off-her-bedroom porch wearing a thousand layers of clothing and looking really dopey.

Later that week, (from left) Melinda, me, and Holly decided to get schnazzed up and go out on the town.

We also went roller skating/blading that weekend. Here's Melinda, Dave, and me (although I'm little more than a blur) with wheels on our feet. Here's Steve and Melinda and Dave zipping around the rink.

In case you're wondering what we do with ourselves during the week to ward off winter cabin fever, Here are Melinda, Steve, and Mike engaged in a rousing game of Twister. Here's Melinda following a heart-breaking Twister wipeout.

Onward to my weekend trip to Atlanta ... This is Little Five Points, where my uncle lives. I took some pictures on the street of some interesting graffiti. And here too. Hey, look! Flowers bloom in Atlanta during February. And so do palm trees belonging to my uncle's neighbor. Finally, to round out our picture extravaganza in the same manner we began, this is my uncle's and almost-aunt's German Shepherd, Asia.
 
posted by Kate at 1:47 PM link/comments

I'm not sure whether they were Las Vegas style, but there was much controversy a couple of years back over a strip club in the Akron area. At the time, I was working as a reporter for a prestigious bastion of crack community journalism. *ahem* I had to write a story about the fiasco. Someone bought some property in a ChurchGoingCityNearAkron with the intention of turning it into a "gentleman's club." ChurchGoingCity went nuts; much craziness at city hall meetings, the standard "this-is-a-christian-community-and-what-will-happen-to-the-children" rhetoric flying hither and yon, etc. The city eventually thought it could put stop to the club via liquor licensing (or lack thereof). ChurchGoingCity is a pseudo-dry city. Although I don't understand the intricacies of it all, a company can only get a liquor license by paying a monstrous amount of money to the city, and even then the license has to be approved by council. So the city council was like, "Yeah. Go ahead and put in a strip club, but we won't let you sell any liquor, so no one will show up. So there." And the club owner said that was fine. What the council didn't contemplate was that the property was on the very border of Akron, where liquor flows like water. The club owner applied for zoning with Akron, got approved, and expanded the building so that part of it was technically in the city of Akron instead of ChurchGoingCity. Then he put the bar in the Akron bit and the strip club in the ChurchGoingCity bit. Brilliant move. The Christian Right was absolutely livid, and there was nothing it could do to stop it.
 
posted by Kate at 11:59 AM link/comments

hmm.... bonsai kittens 
posted by billyjoe noodle-bob at 3:16 AM link/comments

Pornographic Legos indeed. i must say i am livid at the thought. when i was a wee boy, i used to love my legos like i loved nothing else. i built impenetrable fortresses with them, and they stood as a shining beacon to all that was imagination and mystery.

now that i think about it, that pretty much describes my relationship with pornography, too. well. carry on, lego-porn-people.

i have never been able to sleep soundly on a plane. i tried it once, but that was on a transatlantic flight, and though i managed to nod off for a little while on account of the free liquor, i awoke with a tremendous cramp in my neck and a chest full of drool. i envy you your sleep, kate foster. perhaps i'll try your pixie potion the next time i fly.

in other news, i am nearly finished applying to MFA programs. now i need everybody to send positive vibes my way. i'll let you all know the skinny once i know the skinny. 
posted by Paully at 2:51 AM link/comments

Lego porn, yeah. I looked through all the sequences. I'll be purchasing some Legos for myself this weekend. On the outskirts of Ames, a business known only as Peepland has quiety sprung up. The sign says "Las Vegas style show girls" and the building is secret with boarded up windows. It makes me think of Willy Wonka's chocolate factory, where no one ever entered or left, and there was this mysterious aura. Anyway, the sudden existence of Peepland has started a few discussions about what, exactly, a "Las Vegas style" show girl is, and whether or not the girls are from Las Vegas, and why they have chosen Ames as the locale for lap dances. On an unrelated note, the popular sports cheer at Ames High School is, "Ames High Aims High."  
posted by Jen at 2:46 AM link/comments

Monday, February 12, 2001

I have found the secret to divine happines during air travel. I have a bit of a tendecy to get airsick during landings, so I bought a little travel tube o' Dramamine. Took a couple of them before I got on the plane, thinking very little of the warning on the tube that claimed the pills "may cause drowsiness," and by the time we were trundling down the Atlanta runway, I was socked out cold. Woke up only when the plane hit the ground in Charlotte. Got off the plane, walked to the next gate, got on my plane to Cleveland, and promptly zonked out again. Even missed the flight crew's little "here's-what-you-should-do-if-the-plane-plummets-into-oblivion" song and dance. No nausea + lack of consciousness = a truly pleasant experience on U.S. Airways. Everyone should try it.
 
posted by Kate at 3:28 PM link/comments

Back from Atlanta. In my absence, one of our student employees very "helpfully" decided to build an intra-office network and completely reconfigured my computer. Wiped out all my saved email and my web bookmarks. Have spent last hour reconfiguring everything. Remind me to never leave town again.
 
posted by Kate at 1:42 PM link/comments

Feeling guilty about not posting lately - decided i had to bring you something REALLY special... so, without further ado, here is LEGO PORN.....

just click it. you know you want to.

Comment:


Name: Lindathemum
Email: lindamc@falmouth.lib.me.us

And you used to play so nicely with your Lego too!

 
posted by billyjoe noodle-bob at 7:46 AM link/comments

Saturday, February 10, 2001

Poor Paully. Strangely, I haven't noticed any layers of anything cold here in Georgia. Today we went to breakfast and I got to eat a big pile of slow-cooked grits. And then I went loafing here in my uncle's neighborhood. Area called Little Five Points. Hipster/artist area. It's what Coventry wants to be when it grows up. I bought some magazines and roamed the streets wearing nothing but jeans and a sleeveless top. Was accosted briefly by a propaganda-toting Hare Krishna. Good fun. Tonight we're going to an ice hockey game. Now I'm going to get off this crazy machine and go sit on the back porch with my cigarettes, my magazines, my books, and my uncle's german shepherd, and soak up the last few hours of sunshine Atlanta has to offer for the day. Oh. Did I mention it's nearly 70 degrees and there's not a cloud in the sky? *does a little happy dance*
 
posted by Kate at 4:31 PM link/comments

Friday, February 09, 2001

i hope you have fun in your little hell down there in sunny warmth. i will comtinue to be content with the strange sediments that have formed all around me. to give you an example, i just spent ten minutes or so shoveling snow, and what i found was a mysterious ice layer beneath the snow layer. then, under the ice layer was a puddle of cold water layer that soaked into my shoe. under the puddle of cold water layer was a mud layer. in another area of the yeard there was a snow layer, then an ice layer, then a paul's car layer. the ice layer was pretending to be the bulletproof armor that encases the batmobile at batman's behest, and it was doing such an accurate impersonation that i couldnt even begin to open my car door without breaking something. so now i have begun to think of my car as al capone's safe, and im considering a phonecall to geraldo inviting him to come open it up on national television.

all of this is another way of saying screw you 60 degree cleveland people. screw you with a cactus. 
posted by Paully at 3:50 PM link/comments

I was just re-reading my job description, and nowhere on it does it state, "position will assist flambouyant area restaurant owners in searching for space alien costumes in university theater costume shop." This job never fails to amaze me. I shall expound later. But for the time being, I have a plane to catch.

Man, I love being able to say that.
 
posted by Kate at 2:25 PM link/comments

I suppose it means that I am twisted that my idea of adventure definately involves manical motorists and stray bullets. I know this is a failing in me. On the tax front, I was listening to the tail end of some news thing whilst walking out the door to serve the poor, the hungry, the huddled masses yearning to wear Tommy, and an 'expert' was giving his views on the topic. He said that the cut would would absolutely help the rich but that that was okay, because, percentage wise, rich people put in a larger amount of tax dollars than the rest of us. In other words, if there are 100 tax dollars, rich people contributed 80 bucks or so, while we poor sods only gave 20 (I am, obviously, making these numbers). I had two immediate reactions. One, I am kind of surprised by. I remembered the biblical story with the moral "It is easier for a camel to walk through the eye of a needle than it is for a rich man to enter heaven." For all of you who were NOT subjected to continuous, if varied, stream of religious docterine, the gist is that there are these two guys at church, one poor, one rich. The rich guys gives his pocket change when the dish came round, say 500 bucks, the poor guy gives his last penny. Yes, I know you guys know how this ends. Really damn schmaltzy, but still. The whole point of having taxes is that everyone contributes what they can to make a better median lifestyle possible for everyone. It's not about the percentage of taxes collected, but the percentage of income, duh. The second reaction was what the fuck? are rich people a RECOGNIZED minority group or something? Are we all supposed to feel for their poor, persecuted, rich asses? Ugh. 
posted by Holly at 11:22 AM link/comments

So it's in the 60s here in Cleveland today, which is definitely a sign of impending apocolypse, according to the weather people. Word has it, however, that Toledo is, as we speak, shoving a giant cold front our way. It will arrive this evening and the temperature will plummet 40 degrees.

By the time that happens, however, I will be in Atlanta, where it's much warmer than here. Mwah ha ha ha ha.
 
posted by Kate at 9:21 AM link/comments

The first sentence in a spam email I got this morning:

If you're up for an adventure, now's the time to salsa your way to
Miami for some Valentine's romance.

If my life ever gets to the point where, in order to fulfill some need for "adventure," I decide to head straight for Miami, please exterminate me. I'm not opposed to adventure; I just prefer it to not include maniacal motorists and stray bullets.
 
posted by Kate at 8:57 AM link/comments

Today at work my grandma-figure employer was asking me every five minutes if I was "going to be OK" driving home tonight in the bad weather. I kept saying, "yes, I'll be fine." Finally grandma-figure employer nearly broke down and said, "but how do you KNOW? How do you know you'll ever be ok?" I didn't know what to say, so I said, "well, I'm not going to say that I'm NOT going to be ok driving home today." I felt like I was entering philosophical quicksand. Sometimes I just think about the amount of worrying that people have gone through for no good reason, and it's staggering. Then I think about the amount of team-colored Jello shots in the world, and I realize there's just not enough rampant consumerism in America. Then I think about how there is both freezing rain and thunder outside my window at this very moment, and I realize that weather forecasters around the state are in absolute weather heaven tonight. They are, right now, making Jello shots with the new snow and loving their super dopplar pinpoint vipermax radar systems.  
posted by Jen at 2:01 AM link/comments

of course, the amusing thing about the whole jello shots thing was that i was researching them for a reason and *bowing of the head* i just made some wild blackberry vodka jello...... 
posted by billyjoe noodle-bob at 1:53 AM link/comments

Thursday, February 08, 2001

i was eating a big bowl of jello just the other day, and i thought to myself, what this jello needs is some vodka, and some team pride. thanks, billyjoebob. thanks for reminding me how retarded my country is.

today i was listening to the radio, and people were discussing the tax cut. people kept mentioning that one democrat who brought a brand new lexus, a muffler, and goose egg to show how much money the rich, middle, and poor classes could hope to get, respectively. then they went to the streets, where, in boston's busy financial district, one man said, "of course rich people should get most of the tax cut--it's their money that pays all the taxes," and another man said, "Yeah, I'm in favor of the tax cut, mostly because I'm just a little below the rich class, so I should be able to buy a used Lexus." the self-satisfaction in this man's voice was overripe, like the tomatoes i want to throw at him. then i had these profound realizations: rich people live under the delusion that they need more money, and people who vote republican do so purely out of self-interest.

i wish all republicans were cold and dead. i almost mean that, even if it would make both of my parents dead. almost. talk to me again if this tax cut gets approved. 
posted by Paully at 10:59 PM link/comments

Hot damn. I've been looking for a good recipe for team-themed jello shots.

The preceding message was a joke, and anyone who takes it seriously will be beaten severely with a large wet trout.
 
posted by Kate at 4:53 PM link/comments

Oh my God. Just got back from meeting. I'm giddy. I rule so hard. I am a god. Me and my ego are going to go find lunch now.
 
posted by Kate at 12:12 PM link/comments

Kate=Nervous Wreck. Have a meeting in an hour with the new university webmaster. Meeting also includes my boss and the Evil Former Webmaster, who I realized long ago has no idea what the hell he's doing and was basically ripping off my department, over-charging for ridiculously simple tasks. So this is my chance to prove I really know what I'm doing. *deep breath* Wish me luck.
 
posted by Kate at 9:59 AM link/comments

On my way to work this morning, I heard the following news report: There's a whole herd of police scouring E. 9th (one of the main drags in downtown Cleveland) because yesterday, an armored truck made a delivery there, then promptly scooted away. Problem was that the driver apparently forgot to close the back door of the truck (although he claims he has no idea how the door magically became ajar), and 3 bags containing a total of $500,000 in cash fell out onto the street. They're offering a $50,000 reward to whomever turns it in. I don't think I really need to explain the hilarity in this.

Read the story here.
 
posted by Kate at 9:30 AM link/comments

Although I understand everyone's sentiments on the damn-we-coulda-gotten-rid-of-dubya front, I really don't know that I can respect the man who did the shooting. Apparently, he fired a few random shots into the air right outside the southwest gate of the White House. Secret Service said, "Hmm. Man shooting gun outside White House. Maybe we should investigate." They surrounded the guy; he jumped into the bushes. Here now is a dramatic re-enactment of the ensuing 15 minutes:

Secret Service Man: Hey. You in the bushes. Come out of there.
Guy in Bushes: squirms further into the bushes, pretending not to hear Secret Service Man.
Secret Service Man: No, sir. See, we know you're there because we can see you. And we know you have a gun. And you're surrounded by the Secret fucking Service. Now come out of there and give the nice men your gun.
Guy in Bushes: Ummm...er...No hablo ingles?
Secret Service Man: Removes dark sunglasses to rub his temples and furrow his brow.Sir. Give it up already.
Guy in Bushes: No. I don't wanna.
Other Secret Service Man: Fires his gun, striking Guy in Bushes in knee. Re-holsters gun and brushes hands together in self-satisfied manner.
Guy in Bushes: OW! Dude, that hurt. OK. Here's my gun. I surrender.
Curtain

I mean, come on. If you're planning to take out the president, don't be entirely stupid about it. And besides, if he would've succeeded, we'd have to spend the next four years making fun of President Cheney. And while I think Bush is more inherently evil than Cheney, you have to admit that Bush is better fodder for humor.
 
posted by Kate at 9:16 AM link/comments

you know - sometimes i worry about you americans, with your crazy gun-totin ways and your silly games like "new world order" and "total monopilization of culture".... but then i see things like "Jello Shots in your team's colours for the Super Bowl" and realise that it's not quite the time to lose all hope..... 
posted by billyjoe noodle-bob at 3:23 AM link/comments

Wednesday, February 07, 2001

i think the picture recalls a time when kate had a body and a chin, since both of those things are conspicuously absent from the picture. did your body get shaved off or something, kate?

in other news, one of my students mentioned the geroge-bush-getting-shot-at fiasco in class. i was impressed that he knew about the whole thing. then during a discussion of prejudice i had another student ask me how white people were being pre-judged when they werent a minority. i gave him the answer (centering mainly on clothing, body shape and size, accessories, etc.), but the thing that struck me as weird was, it seems that the white students in my class dont see themselves as victims at all. for some reason i thought they might, in that reflex-white-guilt kind of way.

i dont even know if im making sense anymore.

jim bena. of course. he was the theatre box office guru. he always looked nervous when i was around. was that because of me, or was it just him? 
posted by Paully at 8:43 PM link/comments

Kate -- nice blondish copperish hair. And I too had that moment of happiness over the guy waving a gun outside W Land. If only...

On the roommate foreplay closet thing. The only reason I know is because the two of them tumbled out of their room giggling insanely over how funny the whole closet thing was, and then they told me all about it, because I happened to be in the wrong place (across the hall) at the wrong time (pre-coitus, I suppose). I mean, I try not to be aware of whatever it is anyone else is doing in the apartment. But you know how it goes. Small place, thin walls, world of ice outside. We all have running jokes about who hid the secret cameras in the closets.  
posted by Jen at 8:24 PM link/comments

Here is a picture of me. I feel I need to justify this picture. I am posting it because:

a)over the past few days, I have gotten 3 separate emails from people complaining that I have a whole lot of pictures on this site of my friends, but very few of me.
b)I have recently bleached my hair blonde, and some people haven't seen it. Some people includes my mother, who is going with me this weekend to Atlanta to visit my uncle and almost-aunt, and I'm afraid if I don't give her some fair advance warning, she might kill me on sight.
c)I dunno. Deep-seated vanity or something.
 
posted by Kate at 4:49 PM link/comments

God Bless America. Some raving lunatic (read: genius) shot at the White house today. Unfortnately, he had poor aim and W. is doing just fine. Maybe we should back the NRA for a little while and see if we can teach these madmen to shoot properly.  
posted by Melinda at 4:41 PM link/comments

Jen and Paul, what I fail to understand is why you both seem to know a whole lot about your roommate's sexual habits. Like why do you know about the Mandy-jumping-out-of-the-closet thing? I mean, I have it on good authority that most of my housemates (except me, of course. *weep*) have ... er ... gotten busy unde