Every here and again, I get an unhealthy craving for McDonald's. Today was such a day, so I meandered over there at lunch time for some deep-fried nastiness. Standing in line, I heard the conversation between two guys behind me. Character Description: Clean-cut white guys, dockers pants, polo shirts tucked in (that telltale "It's Casual Friday in Our Office" look). #1: Boy, the line's long. Honestly. How can these people listen to themselves?
#2: Yeah. Doesn't seem to be a very efficient system they've got going here.
#1: You're right. I used to think about that all the time when I was a kid. Why does the same person who takes the order have to scoop the fries and get the drinks?
#2: It doesn't make a lot of sense from an efficiency analysis standpoint. This sort of co-op system would make perfect sense in an after-hours capacity when volume's low, but during lunch?
#1: Exactly. They should opt for a more assembly-line style of customer service, particularly with this level of volume.
#2: Certainly. I think I'm going to try the bratwurst.
#1: Me too. So how's Janet liking the new minivan?
posted by Kate at 3:02 PM link/comments
Thursday, August 30, 2001
Uh-huh. The Pinta had blackjack and slots and the Nina had the Elvis wedding chapel. All those sailors did the whole way over here was jump on rafts and go from ship to ship to their vice of choice. I once heard that there was another ship, the "Liberace", but it was blown off course and is said to have run aground in San Francisco where it stayed.
posted by L at 6:58 PM link/comments
Wow. Your freshmen are amazing. *grin*
The Santa Maria had onboard showgirls and scantily-clad cocktail waitresses?
posted by Kate at 3:46 PM link/comments
Freshman had to write a "placement essay" about opposing or supporting gambling. I had to read 50 of them as fast as possible and pass the amazing ones on to some committee. Am feeling braindead from 50 arguments about casinos as "moral hell holes" (direct quote) or casinos as not any different than "the gamble Columbus took when he sailed across the ocean." Yeah. Also, according to some of my freshman, the Supreme Court has a new spelling - Supream Court. And if you're against gambling, and against spelling, it's OK to spell "against" as "agenced."
posted by Jen at 2:42 PM link/comments
One of these days I'm going to get arrested, because I'm going to snap and run down the streets armed with scissors, snipping off the backs of strangers' haircuts. WHEN WILL THE PEOPLE OF THE WORLD REALIZE THAT MULLETS SPIT IN THE FACE OF EVERY BASIC, REASONABLE TENET OF AESTHETIC GOODNESS??? WHEN??? WHEN, I ASK YOU!!!! *ahem* OK. Back to work.
posted by Kate at 12:45 PM link/comments
Bon voyage, Linda. Hope you have a great trip!
posted by Kate at 9:56 AM link/comments
Text of a spam mail I got this morning: New Scientific-Breakthrough Product brings women instant and very intense orgasms felt from head to toe! Guys.. your woman will see you as a hero. Two issues here: 1. The idea of an "instant orgasm" is a bit daunting to me. Sounds to me like the sexual equivalent of getting hit by a bus. 2. If a woman is taking drugs to get off, I hardly think she's going to confuse the issue and suddenly give all the credit to her partner. "Hero" my ass. Anyone wanna take dibs on how long it'll take the FDA to shut 'em down?
posted by Kate at 9:55 AM link/comments
Kate - I'm here, but not for long. I'm not sure if I will be able to post from Melbourne. We have arranged an ISP but Phil's good laptop is in the hospital (long story, but don't ever trust Toshiba), and we will only have the old one. It might be too slow. 5 hours to lift off!
posted by lindathemum at 9:55 AM link/comments
Wednesday, August 29, 2001
Oh, and I hear you on the Gap thing. Since Steve and Zack and Marc (and Mike, too, before he packed up and moved to D.C.) all work at Starbuck's, hanging out with them has added a whole new element of conversation. In order to understand what the hell they're talking about, you have to be fluent in Starbucks-ese. We'll be sitting around and Steve will be like, "So this guy came in and was a total dick to Eileen, so I made his latte with a 17-second shot!" in a manner that clearly indicates that he has done something nefarious and frankly bad-ass. This causes the other boys to laugh maniacally, and suddenly, a wave of stories begins, all around the theme of getting revenge on rotten customers via improperly-timed espresso shots. I don't get it.
posted by Kate at 1:43 PM link/comments
Yeah, the landlord ended up taking $100 off the deposit for "cleaning," which is ridiculous as far as I'm concerned, especially when considering that the place was cleaner when we moved out than when we moved in. Of course, I'm not really complaining. After all the hassle we caused the poor man (7-9 people trying to pay rent and interface with a landlord doesn't make for the world's most well-oiled business machine) I suppose a $100 surcharge is reasonable. So Jen, I see that freshman college students don't get any less aggravating the further west you travel. So this guy dropped the class 6 times already, which translates in my head to six semesters, and when you figure two semester per academic year, that comes out to 3 years worth of dropping English 101 classes. What the hell. Does this mean this kid is a senior still trying to pass English 101? Yikes. Holly? Anyone out there?
Melinda?
Linda?
Mom?
posted by Kate at 1:17 PM link/comments
Tuesday, August 28, 2001
Your landlord used a starter check? That's horrible. I don't understand landlords. Against all odds, we got our deposit back yesterday. So I guess it was good that I scrubbed the bathtub with my toothbrush while the landlord lectured me about mildew.
Highlights from my first day of teaching my two freshman English 101 classes: One student announced that he has already dropped the course six times and "hates this stupid course" and is planning on dropping it next week (that would be the seventh time). All the younger students looked at him with much respect. Then they had to introduce themselves and say something interesting. It turned out that three students who did not know each other, and who all sat near each other, all worked at different Gap stores in the area. This Gap-ness created an instant bonding situation, and they all had a little "what was your Gap like" conversation. Then I had them write info on index cards, including "learning disabilities." So one guy wrote that he gets hangovers. Ah, freshman.
We got cable. We feel dirty about this, but the reception was hideous, except for the local public TV station, and I like public TV, but I can only watch the show about iguanas so many times. My media-guilt has me wanting to subscribe to all the newspapers.
posted by Jen at 6:13 PM link/comments
Damn double posts! -Kate
posted by Jen at 6:13 PM link/comments
Today in brief: ~ Just returned from an office field trip (the reasons behind this are lengthy, convoluted, and boring. i'll spare you) to a "display warehouse." If anyone finds themself in need of a dozen or so 9-foot replicas of the Eiffel Tower, let me know, and I'll send you directions.
~ Former landlord returned our security deposit from the old house yesterday. Gave me a starter check with his bank account number handwritten along the bottom. Go ahead. Just try to get a starter check written for $1,400 cashed. It's well nigh impossible. Now, stir in a handful of former roommates who are itching to get their share of the deposit back, and who are irritated that the check is made out to you, and can't comprehend why you can't just magically turn a check with the legal merit of a note scrawled on looseleaf with Crayola into $1,400 cash. Whee.
posted by Kate at 2:29 PM link/comments
I know that I'm officially stressed out. Been having weird nightmares lately, of the My-Brain's-Playing-Practical-Jokes-On-Me variety. They're not regular nightmares. I don't dream I'm being hacked to death by a psychotic circus freak posse or anything. I just half-awaken and my subconscious convinces my (very groggy) conscious mind of some nonexistant horrible scenario in my immediate area. Last weekend, I was in Columbus with Holly, and I sat bolt upright in bed, hollering nonsense. Unfortunately for Holly, she was lying in bed next to me at the time. All I can remember is that I sort of woke up and was convinced that I was trapped somewhere. Then last night, I opened my eyes and swore I saw something dropping from my ceiling. Screamed, jumped out of bed, flicked on the lights. Found nothing but three confused-looking cats. I'm going to be completely insane by December. Watch this space for details.
posted by Kate at 9:59 AM link/comments
Monday, August 27, 2001
And now, today's top stories: *Job-Related Stress: Making My Chin Break Out. Film at eleven.
*Every Male Student at This University Looks Like He Ought to Be Heading Up a Young Republicans Club Somewhere
*Professor of German in Next Room Loudly Coughs Up Phlegm Every 47 Seconds
*The Shirt I'm Wearing Does Not Belong to Me. So How the Hell Did it End Up in My Closet?(the preceding will be an investigative report)
posted by Kate at 4:15 PM link/comments
Ahhhh. I guess that would explain those guys who always came around wearing pinstripe suits, armed with semi-automatic staple guns. There you have it, folks. Childhood Secrets That Had Been Haunting Me For Years, revealed right here on Six-Layer Kate.
posted by Kate at 3:19 PM link/comments
AHA! Now I shall confess, Katy. Remember the 21 years I worked and you thought I was making legitimate money and bringing home a paycheck once every two weeks? Nay! I was downtown on Smithfield Street selling stolen paper clips and rubber bands! Remember the blind guys selling pencils? Guess where they got the pencils. I had a whole network of crime financed by the good citizens of the Commonwealth of Pa.
posted by L at 2:15 PM link/comments
Incidentally, if I could sell office supplies on the street for cash, I'd be rolling in illegally-procured funds right now, instead of rolling across my office in a chair with a bum wheel.
posted by Kate at 1:50 PM link/comments
I think I need to become a teacher of some kind. That way, no matter what kind of nonsense happens 9 months out of the year, I'm guaranteed 3 months off. Melinda's been trying to talk me into this for years, teacher extraordinaire that she is. Of course, the biggest hurdle here is that nothing on this earth scares me more than having to be responsible for the education and behavior of dozens of human beings. It's on my list. I never want to have a job that ... 1. Requires me to wear a name tag
2. Is such that I have to ask others for permission to use the bathroom
3. Is such that I have to dole out permission for others to use the bathroom
4. Puts me in charge of a large number of people under the legal drinking age.
posted by Kate at 1:48 PM link/comments
This, too, shall pass, my dear. Just make yourself an e-note or whatever to order toner once a month whether you need it or not. If you have an overload of it you can sell it on the street for dope money. The professors are angry with themselves for putting everything off until the last minute but they can take it out on you since you are at the bottom of the heap. So keep taking classes and get a B.S. in Computer Science or whatever they call it these days and you can demand a large raise or get a better-paying job.
posted by L at 1:01 PM link/comments
First day of the new semester, and everything's already gone straight to hell. Let's consider for a moment the fact that my department relies on me to keep eight websites running, and that I also provide administrative support to the dance department, and that I also provide administrative support to another academic department. Let us also consider the fact that in the past two weeks, I have racked up 10 hours in overtime and have still not managed to get everything done. Add to the mix the fact that I have to design four posters for upcoming campus events, none of which I have been able to get done yet, and that they all need to be completed by tomorrow. Let's also talk about the part where I get paid a pissdrop $12.50 an hour for being a goddam web developer and graphic designer. Now, when I stock the copier outside my office with toner cartridges, and put a note on the fucking toner box (on a lime green sheet of paper, no less, pasted on all six sides of the box (top and bottom included) that essentially says, "hey. if the fucking machine runs out of toner and you use the last of these toner cartridges, let katy know so she can bloody well order more" and then the toner runs out, and no one tells me, and then it's the first day of classes and the fucking machine runs out of toner, and there are angry primadonna professors running around like this fact is the end of life on this planet, my boss deigns to send me a scathing email "reminding" me of my "responsibilities to this office." I'm thinking that perhaps she should consider the fact that I have singlehandedly turned every goddam print piece and web site that comes out of this office from a pathetic piece-of-shit waste of paper and/or server space into something that actually looks professional and befitting of a large university. Double-majored B.A. from a prestigious college, self-taught myself shitloads of computer programming, self-taught knowledge of graphic design, and I get slapped for a fucking copy machine. I am positively livid (in case that wasn't apparent).
posted by Kate at 10:53 AM link/comments
Saturday, August 25, 2001
Are you paying?
posted by lindathemum at 11:47 AM link/comments
Thursday, August 23, 2001
Walter's??? are you taking me?
posted by billyjoe noodle-bob at 8:33 PM link/comments
Wednesday, August 22, 2001
Yes, it seems that my immediate family members have finally taken a bullet train into the 21st century by purchasing a computer that doesn't completely suck. Mom is now carpe-ing the Internet at speeds upwards of 56K. Hot damn. Welcome back, mama.
posted by Kate at 5:49 PM link/comments
Hello.............I'm baaaack! Got my new machine in gear and now I can blog my brains out. Glad to hear that everyone is done moving and safely at home in all their new digs.
posted by L at 4:51 PM link/comments
Tuesday, August 21, 2001
OK Kate – and all the rest of you bloggers that are hanging by a thread wanting to know what happened to the geriatric light-hating library worker. The Goddess smiled on us – she never came back. We have a replacement, to whom we explained very carefully that working on the desk, answering reference queries and doing the children’s activities weren’t jobs that a trainee was going to be doing. That we did have a lot of jobs a trainee could do, but a lot of them were mundane. She loves the library; she’s only staying for two weeks though. My boss just went on vacation, and I am leaving for Melbourne in 9 days (but who’s counting), and hopefully I can avoid having to have another trainee before I leave.
I can’t wait to be home – see my boys, eat some good Australian junk food, and drink some good Australian wine.
This is where I’m going to dinner on Monday, after I go to see a production of The Seagull at the Arts Center. .
posted by lindathemum at 9:27 AM link/comments
Monday, August 20, 2001
Yeah, Jen. I agree. Russell Crowe = good skinhead. Which to me says something about Russell Crowe's personality. Then again, Edward Norton made a good skinhead, too. American History X. Romperstomper gave me a headache, if you want to know the truth. I understand that the absence of a sympathetic character in a movie is generally intentional, but that technique only tends to make me lose interest. I guess I figure that if I want to view a bunch of people that I don't like and don't care about, I can just walk outside and spend time with any number of people who live around here. Geez. I sound rotten. I've been using my DSL line today to download hokey 80s music. Right now it's "The Promise" by When In Rome. I have a weakness for electronic-background 80s tunes with singers who sound foreign and vaguely effeminate. "And if I had to walk the world and make you fall for meeee, I promise yoooouuu, I promise yooooouuu, I will." Rock on, mulleted 80s boys.
posted by Kate at 6:08 PM link/comments
Saturday, August 18, 2001
Wow Kate, stop hanging out so much at Kmart. If anyone is up for a "good" skinhead movie staring a pre-gladiator Russell Crowe, then Romper Stomper is the skinhead movie for you. Paul rented it last night, enticed by the Clockwork Orange comparison. Nauseating racism aside, it's a great movie. Russell makes a better skinhead than gladiator.
Idaho is beautiful when it is surround by wildfires on three sides.
posted by Jen at 7:37 PM link/comments
Friday, August 17, 2001
Strange conversation I had with a random stranger at a party last weekend ... Me: Hi. Nice to meet you.
Him: You look familiar. I saw you in KMart once.
Me: KMart?
Him: Yeah. KMart. Do you go to KMart?
Me: Um. Sometimes. Doesn't everyone?
Him: I go to KMart. I saw you there.
Me: (sidling towards nearest escape route)Oh. Well, I'm going to go get a beer. See you.
posted by Kate at 2:44 PM link/comments
Thursday, August 16, 2001
Today's Blog of Note is fantastic, and I've already weaseled my way into posting privileges...
posted by Kate at 1:49 PM link/comments
While I'm not sure I could pick a picture of my own ass out of a lineup, I'd like to know exactly what sort of convoluted series of events would lead to there being a need for an ass lineup. Officer: "Take your time, ma'am. Do you recognize any of these asses?"
posted by Kate at 11:56 AM link/comments
okay, I checked it out (c'mon, you know y'all did too) and I just wonder, he seems so sure it's his butt. By his own admission, he was drunk and doesn't remember doing it...how may of us really truly can say we could pick a picture of our own ass out of a line up? (I could, I've got a tatoo...and an ass of a rare width)
posted by Holly at 11:24 AM link/comments
Tuesday, August 14, 2001
Oh, man. That publish just went through sooooo fast. Wow. On an unrelated note, if anyone's looking at the weblog links on the left and giving any consideration whatsoever to reading the : edge, you should know before you click that Tim has placed a picture of his naked ass on it. Thought you might appreciate the warning. Nice ass, though. *ducks as Tim begins hurling projectiles at me from Malaysia*
posted by Kate at 8:44 PM link/comments
HA HA HA. I am currently typing at you live via my brand new DSL line. I got a little misty-eyed when I first connected and saw how fast it was. Some people tear up at Hallmark commercials and Meg Ryan movies. I tear up at uber-baudrates. HA HA HA.
posted by Kate at 8:41 PM link/comments
Kate - I know what you mean about college students perpetually moving in the summer. This was our fourth move too, and we made each other promise that we won't move at all for the next three years, that we'll stay in this particular apartment whether we like it or not, because moving is hell. I was going to comment on your computer desk trauma story earlier, but I forgot, so I'm sorry to be back on this moving topic, but anyway... Back in Iowa, Paul got rid of his computer desk, because it was in bad shape and just wasn't worth moving. So the night we arrived in Idaho, one of the first things he did was go buy the exact same computer desk at Staples. In Paul's universe, nothing in the apartment could be unpacked until his desk was set up. It made sense in one way, and was ludicrous in many ways. Hours later, after he had put together numerous parts incorrectly and blamed the instructions for being wrong, he attempted to move the unweildy thing by himself. Particle board being particle board, the left cabinet gave way, spewing particle board particles all about, and the desk sort of half-collapsed. Paul looked like he was going to cry. Instead, he threw his glasses at the desk and set about with duct tape and random screws, repairing into the wee hours of the night. Meanwhile, I challenged the laws of physics in the Paul Universe and unpacked things before the all-important computer desk was functional.
Moscow is making me happy because the little video store in town rocks. Movies are 99 cents on weeknights and they have every bizarre, cult-classic, film festival movie ever made. Then they have a whole section that is organized by actor and director, so there's the Christopher Walken shelf, the Johnny Depp shelf, etc. And instead of giving me a card with my account number, the clerk handed me a tiny white sticker, like a price tag with four numbers on it, and was like, "here's your card." and I stood there with the sticker stuck on my pinky, thinking "well, technically, that's not a card" and also thinking, "where the hell am I supposed to stick this?" So I put it on my friend's business card from the Cleveland Planned Parenthood. Makes sense.
posted by Jen at 2:31 PM link/comments
OOoo. You know how when you're talking with someone, let's say you're on a long road trip with someone that you don't know all that well. Like you're on the lam. And your getaway driver is your partner's cousin, Rupert. And you and Rupert don't have much to talk about since your partner (his cousin) ditched with all the money and now you're driving to Oklahoma to try and intercept him at his sister's house. And the state of Missouri doesn't offer much to talk about. Anyway. You know how when enough time passes after you've said something, the crushing weight of the silence makes it well nigh impossible to break it?
Thats kind of how I feel about this blog.
I'm in Florida right now. I might get to go to a place called "Gatorland" later on this afternoon. Everything in Florida is a strip mall. Except there are not normal strip mall things in them. LIke, down the street there is a community college and a gourmet Chinese restaurant flanking a Montessori School. Florida doesn't make a lot of sense.
But, I did get to try boogie boarding. At first, I was a little apprehensive. Mostly because the words "boogie board" don't really want to come out of my mouth. And because I had visions of me trying to climb up on this thing in the midst of a huge wave, sending it flying directly vertical, pausing only to catch me in the chin, knock me out and send me limp and lifeless to the bottom of the ocean. I got over these fears and agreed to try out the board that Kate (the other Kate) had rented. I velcro-ed it to my wrist (now enhancing the visions of doom with being garroted by this cord) and proceeded to wait for the next crushing wall of water. When the wave came, I turned towards the shore, jumped, grabbed the board, shoved it under my belly and rode the crest of this thing, giggling and shreiking nearly back to the shore. I boogied. I boogied like I never thought I could. Even the Hispanic family from Chicago that set up their beach site next to us paused to give me the thumbs up as I decended from my great boogie. In a few moments, I returned the board to KAte and trotted off down the beach to rent my own. I spent the rest of the day out there waiting for the "Big Kahuna". I'm thinking about becoming a professional beach bum.
posted by Melinda at 9:30 AM link/comments
Sunday, August 12, 2001
Just found this site via Weblogs, and it nearly had me in (laughter-induced) tears. Thanks, Johnny Anonymous.
posted by Kate at 8:46 PM link/comments
Saturday, August 11, 2001
Good lord, Jen. And I thought my moving experience was rotten. The problem with going to college, I think, is that it forces you into a perpetual habit of moving during the hottest days of the year, because you initially move in June or July, then constantly sign one-year leases that force you to continue moving in June or July. This last move was my fourth since graduating college, and every time it happens I think, "That does it! Next time I'm moving in October when it's cool out!" And then I spend a year or two in a rented home and eventually forget about my vow. The good news is that the weather has finally cooled off to a fit-for-humans sort of temperature. High of 80 today. I can definitely handle that. This is the first morning since I moved in here that I didn't wake up damp with sweat. There's been a ripple in the force over the past couple of days with regard to my friends. As you can see from Holly's post, Aamir got arrested. I tried feeling bad for him and offering sympathy, but he continues to insist that the whole experience has been rather enjoyable. I quote: "Taking a nap in the holding cell was kind of fun, and the cops were really cool." Jen (friendJen, not bloggerJen) lost her job yesterday. She came to the end of her three-month probabionary period at her new job and was summarily excused from her duties. Not, as you might think, for any of the usual reasons. She showed up on time, did her job to the best of her abilities. The reason they gave her was that they "didn't think she'd be happy here." In other words, she was let go because of personality conflicts with her co-workers. They all but admitted as much. On the upshot, they've given her 3 weeks pay and are reportedly attempting to find her a different position at the university. We shall see how that goes. The Tony/Jen/Aamir/Parker (they've become known as "T-JAP") household hosted a housewarming party last night where the keg beer flowed like water. Well ... Water stored in metal barrels that produces a whole lot of foam when dispensed from a tap, anyway. I got home around 3:30 a.m. to find three unhappy cats, one or two or three of whom had determined that they would punish me for my extended absence (I think my cats have problems with passive-aggressive behavior) by tearing the sheets off my bed, brushing them to the floor, and shedding all over them. I swear I heard them all snickering while I reconstructed my bedclothes before finally going to sleep around 4:00.
posted by Kate at 1:54 PM link/comments
Ah, back to the blog. How I have missed you so.
Paully and I are safely in Idaho, after the single worst moving experience. It went like this. Way the hell back in June, I reserved a fourteen foot U-Haul truck, to be picked up on the morning of July 30. To keep this painful story short, the morning of July 30 dawned hot and sticky, and U-Haul informed me and all my stuff that they were two days behind in filling reservations, so I would have to wait until August 1, if I was lucky, for my truck. Over the course of nearly seven different phone calls to U-Haul that day, I pleaded, cried, and argued my case to U-Haul, pointing out that I had to be out of the apartment by 7pm, pointing out that it was 100 degrees outside, that humidity was 98%, that I wasn't just going to put everything outside and wait a few days for a truck I reserved six weeks ago. So by 3pm that day, in full crisis mode and not a single thing moved from the apartment, I rented a cargo van from the Ford dealership and moved everything to a friend's garage. This task, executed at full-tilt panic punctuated by Paul and Jen arguing about what to do, took a solid 4 hours on the hottest day of the year. I think we made six trips between places. We were literally loading up the last of the furniture when the carpet cleaners arrived. We didn't get our truck until the evening of July 31, and we had to drive TWO HOURS to get the damned thing, then two hours back. In a record pack-a-thon, we loaded everything by midnight, slept on a friend's floor, and hit the road for Idaho the next morning. We spent 2.5 days driving on I-90, which was boring and uneventful, except for the "service engine soon" light visiting the U-haul's dashboard as I chugged it up a hill in Montana. Praying to the U-haul spirits for 200 miles, I called U-haul from the hotel that night. they were like "Oh, that doesn't mean anything, just ignore it." I did and it went away. One of the first things I did after I had my stuff all unpacked was to write a scathing letter to U-Haul. I consider that letter a work of art because it was both rational and vitriolic.
posted by Jen at 12:26 AM link/comments
(This post edited by Kate because the previous one showed up twice. So there.)
posted by Jen at 12:26 AM link/comments
Friday, August 10, 2001
Thank you, Kate, for proving that I am not dull. I mean, foam covered idiots who wander around grocery store shoving their hand deep into vats of frozen corndogs have gotta be laugh riots, right? Or, you know, just idiots. Well, my boyfriend got arrested yesterday, and he described it as "kinda enjoyable." He managed to get a nap while his co-worker scraped up bail. I'm now waiting for his call so I can sneek out early and fetch him and take him around to get paperwork done. Hmm, I'm getting ahead of myself. A few months ago Aamirbaby got himself a speeding ticket. He paid it, but as he did not have proof of his very-much-existing-insurance he was told to send in a form as well. he had recently moved and the address on his Driver's License was not his current residence so of course the form never got to him and he promptly forgot about it. Yesterday he was pulled over for sporting expired tags (and an expired license), which would have merely sucked, but also was found to have an (yes, you are here before me, altogether now) suspended license. Basically, this will all cost a lot of time and bother and inconvenience for the poor thing, as well as John Candy sized ass loads of money. ch means that they day he will suprise me with a brand new car, shining piece of jewelery, and trip around the world has been pushed back that much farther.
I feel really bad for him, but he really seems to be enjoying it.
Boys don't make sense.
posted by Holly at 1:38 PM link/comments
Thursday, August 09, 2001
You know, sometimes I think, "Hey. Cleveland's not as midwestern and parochial as people make it out to be. We can be hip. We have culture." And then I'm watching television, and a commercial comes on to announce that a second Neil Diamond concert has been added to the roster at the local stadium venue due to "overwhelming demand for tickets." Clearly, one concert that could accommodate 40,000 raving Neil Diamond fans was just not enough.
posted by Kate at 12:03 AM link/comments
Tuesday, August 07, 2001
When did the grocery store get religious candles? We were at Tops last night, and I found a whole shelf of these roughly 10-inch-tall cylindrical glass candles painted with weird old-school Catholic scenes. They had Virgin-Mary-on-the-Half-Shell, but also that awful oft-seen depiction of Christ, stripped to the waist, eyes towards heaven, wearing the crown of thorns and hemorraging all over the damn place. So I picked that one up, held it above my head, and screamed down the aisle to Melinda and Holly, "HEY GUYS! YOU NEED A BLEEDING JESUS?" The middle-aged woman standing next to me perusing taco seasoning didn't look particularly amused. Of course, I couldn't feel too bad for long. Holly outdid me by attempting to sample various beauty products in the health aisle and consequently ending up with her hands coated in shaving foam. She cleaned it off by sneaking away and shoving her hands into a vat of packages of frozen meat. Profoundly dull, my ass.
posted by Kate at 3:07 PM link/comments
Okay, 2:45 now. Our air conditioning isn't working, and I going through grant funders on the web. They all suck. I have a cold sore. The case worker next to me is a large woman going through "the change" and has informed us that bellowing helps her through her hot flashes. One of the tenets of a house in my program (transitional housing for those of you not up on current events...or, you know, Kate and Linda, the only two people who read this) came in with a serious problem. Her house, she is convinced, is haunted. I am so happy, this is so much more fun to deal with than The house on Benwood's problems with furnaces, E. 75th's circut issues, or the evident disinclination and/or ability of people in my program to keep their house at a basically hygenic level.
posted by Holly at 2:55 PM link/comments
Hi.
I am here, I exist. I am now in my new office, and my new apartment. I had to come in at 7:30 today, for really rather boring reasons no one wants to hear about, instead of 11. three and a half fucking hours early. I am now gray and tired and my eyes are burning. I am counting minutes until I will go at 3:30. And to top it off, I got a cold sore today. Have to go to the eye doctor this afternoon.
See, this is why I don't post much. I am profoundly dull.
posted by Holly at 2:20 PM link/comments
Monday, August 06, 2001
Signs that it's time for me to find a boyfriend: My cat Lazarus knocked one of my candles off the coffee table last night, and as I leaned over to pick it up, I said to him, without the slightest trace of irony, "Christ, kitty! Do you think I was put on this earth to clean up after you??" Whoa.
posted by Kate at 10:23 AM link/comments
Friday, August 03, 2001
Well, it’s the Kate and sometimes Lindathemum show. The library is busy. We have (I kid you not) a trainee who is paid for by The National Council for The Aging. She has problems with bright lights (as in the sort of lights you should have in a library), doesn’t like the computer, refuses to use the typewriter, and is always complaining about the air quality. We thought an extra person would be a big help, and surely we could train her for something …Apparently she called today and said (to quote the person who took that call) “I’m not coming in today” “click”. I didn’t get the “click” part because I was so relieved at finding out she wasn’t going to be in – I thought she was sick. I was feeling guilty that I was pleased she was sick. Maybe she won’t come back. We could be lucky….
I'm going to bed now - I recommend the new Barbara Kingsolver book - Prodigal Summer. Especially good if you are at all interested in the natural world. You know - that place where there aren't any take out food shops, or cars.
posted by lindathemum at 10:03 PM link/comments
Holly and I were sitting over at the Jen/Aamir/Tony/Parker household yesterday, waiting for Jen to get home, and decided to play a few rounds of the old Guess Who? game someone had lying around. After a few gos, we grew bored with the usual method of playing, which involves asking objective yes/no questions to ferret out the mystery person, ie, "Is your person a male?" and "Is your person wearing a hat?" Instead, we decided to play the game with new rules. Questions still had to be of the "yes/no" variety, but they had to be entirely subjective. Some examples: * Does your person bear a striking resemblance to Rowan Atkinson? I highly recommend this method. The game's much more fun this way.
* Could your person have conceivably been an original member of the Village People?
* If you had children, would you let them be anywhere near your person without strict supervision?
* Would your person most likely be found in the audience at a Motorhead concert?
* Would your person hit on me at a bar?
posted by Kate at 3:38 PM link/comments
Thursday, August 02, 2001
I had every intention of going to work yesterday, but then my body turned into a mafia don. (Alarm goes off) I must admit I feel a bit better today, though.
Kate: (reaches over to turn off alarm, begins to rise from bed)
Body: What the hell are you doing?
Kate: I'm getting up to go to work, silly.
Body: No way. You're staying home today. I've been moving shit and cleaning your former house for days and days. I'm staying right here and getting some rest.
Kate: No, listen. I can't do that. I have too much to do in the office.
Body: Go ahead. Go to work. See what I do to you.
(Suddenly, Kate's head begins to pound and her right leg cramps. She feels vaguely nauseous.)
Kate: You bastard. This is not fair.
Body: Ha! This is just a taste of what's in store if you don't get your ass on that phone and tell the office we're not coming in.
Kate: Fine. You win.
posted by Kate at 10:02 AM link/comments