And while I'm at it, happy birthday to Sean, whose birthday was a week ago. Same as my brother's, but I always forget. Belated regards anyway, Mr. Sean. Hope you didn't spend it fretting about anthrax.
posted by Kate at 9:45 PM link/comments
Oh ... Happy Birthday, Linda!
posted by Kate at 9:43 PM link/comments
HAPPY BIRTHDAY LINDAMUM!
posted by billyjoe noodle-bob at 5:22 PM link/comments
Hee hee. Thanks, Linda. Those cats are wearing a very telltale feline expression. In my extensive experience in translating kitty body language, this expression means, "Yes yes. Very funny. In about three seconds, I'm going to wiggle my way out of this garment and shred it to bits. Additionally, while you're at work tomorrow, I plan on getting hold of that roll of paper towels you foolishly left on the kitchen counter, tearing the hell out of it, and leaving the bits in your bed. Eventually, you'll wash your sheets, and consequently spend the next four hours picking blobs of wet paper out of them." Cats are vindictive buggers.
posted by Kate at 10:47 AM link/comments
Kate - this is for you. A little late for this year, but there's always next year....
posted by lindathemum at 10:06 AM link/comments
Tuesday, October 30, 2001
Similar "anthrax scare" happened here. A letter from Japan was full of white powder, which turned out to be potato starch. But, in the meantime, it made good speculative news on all the local stations. What's with this crummy FBI terror alert for the next week? I was ranting to Paul about why, if the FBI can "sense" that "something" will happen, why can't they, you know, be precise about it? It's like I want to make the FBI come to my English 101 class on the day I talk about using details to support your claim.
posted by Jen at 9:23 PM link/comments
Last night, the local media was beside itself because there was an anthrax scare at the downtown postal sorting facility. Apparently, a letter got caught in a sorter, ripped open, and a bunch of white powder spilled out. Chaos ensued, and two workers were taken to the hospital, where they were immediately put on antibiotics. Turns out the letter was mailed from a boyfriend to a girlfriend, and the white stuff was just baking powder or something. The boyfriend apparently thought he was playing a hilarious practical joke. Wonder how hard he'll be laughing in the local FBI interrogation room. Note to Dumb People Whose Senses of Humor Have Not Yet Progressed Beyond a Third-Grade Level: Anthrax jokes via the U.S. Mail are a) NOT FUNNY, and b) a good way to get yourself arrested.
posted by Kate at 12:20 PM link/comments
Monday, October 29, 2001
[The Fisher King x (Kevin Spacey - Robin Williams) - (Iain Softley - Terry Gilliam) + (Jeff Bridges - alcoholism + nuclear family + complicated relationship with estranged college-aged son from previous marriage) - (crazy homeless people on streets of Manhattan / lovable crazy people who live in mental institution in Manhattan)] x (supernatural mystique - viewer cynicism(variable)) x (formulaic feelgood elements) = K-Pax.
posted by Kate at 3:13 PM link/comments
Friday, October 26, 2001
I had to teach my students about libertarianism this week. So I had a fun time with the libertarian idea that all drugs should be legalized. Freshman tend to freak out a bit when they hear a college teacher do one of two things - 1. swear in front of the class and 2. talk about drugs in front of the class. The discussion dissolved into a debate about whether legalizing marijuana would result in "high driving accidents." The problem was solved by one brave guy yelling, "DUDE, have you EVER tried to DRIVE while you're STONED?"
posted by Jen at 3:15 PM link/comments
So a couple of weeks ago, Snoop Doggy Dogg got arrested here in Cleveland for drug possession (shock!). Here's what Bill Radke on NPR's Rewind had to say about the situation: "Drug-sniffing dogs smelled marijuana on Snoop Doggy Dogg's tour bus last week near Cleveland. The dogs were in Phoenix at the time."
posted by Kate at 12:02 PM link/comments
I think the baseball players were actually from one of my birthdays ... maybe when I was about 10 or so. Remember that stage I went through where I was obsessed with baseball? That obsession flew the coop right around the time puberty smacked me upside the head. I think my interest in sporting events was summarily replaced by an interest in boys. In retrospect, I would have been much better off had I stuck with baseball.
posted by Kate at 10:39 AM link/comments
Thursday, October 25, 2001
Great pictures, Kate. We look like the derelicts who live under the 6th St. Bridge. We found all that crap in the bag o' cake decorations from all of your birthdays past. You might recall the little girls from you 16th, the baseball ones from I-forget-whose-what and the clown from your bro's first. The origin of the smiley face escapes me. Perhaps we once had a Forrest Gump party. The mermaid bear was produced by Cherie...if it's tacky and weird, she buys it.
"I don't care if it's dark and scary/long as I got magnetic Mary..she's the only virgin in my car....."
It's so damn windy today that the storage shed way behind the house blew over and about 20 feet away. For some reason I found this to be very funny. It made my day...no damage, just chuckles. Two buck were below the house today, spikes..looked like twin brothers.
posted by L at 5:59 PM link/comments
Sign posted to a classroom door next to my office ... "Depression & Children cancelled for today." Hot damn. It's going to be a good day after all.
posted by Kate at 10:11 AM link/comments
The Tan Turd (my brother's F250 pickup truck, for those of you unfamiliar with the lingo) is indeed still truckin'. It even made it all the way to Cleveland about 3 months ago when I moved. Apparently, my brother's 18th birthday celebration was a raging success, and here's proof, sent to me by Cherie, LindaTheMom's best friend ... Here's the cake decorated by my parents for the occasion (mother, where the hell did you find all that crap?) and here's Teddy blowing out the candles. Also, here's Teddy unwrapping a present ... It's not apparent from the picture, but what he's holding is a dashboard Jesus (that's LindaTheMom sitting next to him and my grandma behind him). *sings* "I don't care if it rains or freezes/ 'long as I got my plastic Jesus/ ridin' along on the dashboard of my car."
posted by Kate at 9:38 AM link/comments
Wednesday, October 24, 2001
What the hell is wrong with my page? I just logged on and it was blank. Remind me never to play with my FTP settings again ...
posted by Kate at 11:41 PM link/comments
Happy birthday Teddy, hope the Tan Turd's still truckin, and keep in mind that you can now drink legally in Australia. Next time you get busted with a beer in your hand, just say "It's Australian Independence Day, and I'm pretending that I'm there".
posted by billyjoe noodle-bob at 7:33 PM link/comments
It's my brother's 18th birthday ... HAPPY BIRTHDAY, TEDDY!
posted by Kate at 2:40 PM link/comments
The Halloween party is Friday. It's Wednesday, and I haven't even begun to think of a costume. I've been way more focused on the fact that a student here in my office gave me his old CD burner. I've been burning more CDs than a militant Baptist mother. I'm nervous right now because I had to lock the cats in the bathroom this morning. One of the landlady's henchmen called yesterday to announce that he was coming over to paint the ceiling over the steps that lead into my apartment. It really doesn't need a paint job, but hell, whatever, let 'em paint their asses off, for all I care. But I had to lock up the cats so they wouldn't end up running out the door or covered in latex paint (neither of those is a scenario I'm willing to deal with). I'm going to come home to find they've dumped the litter box and spread its contents all over the bathroom linoleum. Or gotten bored and started trying to flush each another down the toilet.
posted by Kate at 2:34 PM link/comments
Never, ever, ever eat a box of Junior Mints right after lunch. I don't care whether your co-worker just kindly bought them for you out of the goodness of her heart. I don't care how good of an idea a box of sugar sounded to you at the time. Just don't do it. Sooooo sleepy.
posted by Kate at 2:27 PM link/comments
Monday, October 22, 2001
it's been a while, folks, but i'm still alive, and in the case of any widespread attacks of anthrax, i have a small supply of cipro stockpiled at my apartment. but i'm not worried. life in new york has been "normal" for the past few weeks, although it's still somewhat weird to know that there is a gaping hole somewhere in your hometown that wasn't there before.
i'm sorry everyone, but i'm going to miss the halloween party (but be assured i will be celebrating in the village).
i want to come home, but i'm short on both cash and time. after the attack, i went through a post-traumatic stress episode that nearly broke me down, and i'm quite homesick. my parents came up to support the new york economy and see how i was doing, though, and their vist was effective in giving me a little bit of a boost. and as far as my mental state now, i'm much better, loaded up on zoloft, and digging into my studies.
my parents took brianne and me to the hamptons. let me tell you something: the hamptons suck. they were petty bourgeouis, stuck-up, as though their shit-don't-smell communities complete with specialty shops selling things ranging from cheesy hand-made floor rugs to the year-round christmas crap. i had a fun time comlaining.
i've seen quite a few of the great, great thinkers of our day lecture, including: jurgen habermas, claude lefort, seyla benhabib, elizabeth young-breuhl, margaret canovan, jacques taminiaux, and andrew arato. all but habermas came to the new school to speak at the hannah arendt symposium. i was especially impressed by seyla benhabib. she is a strong, intelligent woman who possesses a keen awareness of our world.
classes are not going as well as i hoped. they're presented in a boring, pretentious, and useless format. i am really starting to despise academics. that's why i'm thinking of not going to my phd, but rather, i think i might get involved with some organizations that fight against defamation. i haven't decided yet, though.
anyway, i have to get to class now.
posted by sean at 4:08 PM link/comments
laugh? I nearly had an accident at my desk..... here
posted by billyjoe noodle-bob at 12:05 AM link/comments
Tuesday, October 16, 2001
There is snow in the mountains out here. Just a little. Like an inch. Moscow Mountain is sort of way off behind my apartment, so I glanced at it the other day (because, you know, it's a big looming object) and lo and behold, snow. But then down in the town it's like a different weather system all together. No snow. I like living in a place where I can be in one weather system and see another weather system.
Have been grading student papers. Favorite mistake: student who used "exorcise" instead of "exercise" throughout his paper. Imagine sentences like "We have to exorcise our first amendment rights." I took great pleasure in writing, in the margin, "To exorcise is to get rid of a demon. Is that what you wanted to say?" Then I drank whiskey to numb the relentless internal pain I feel when grading freshman papers.
posted by Jen at 6:19 PM link/comments
It might snow tonight. Brace yourselves, kids; it's that time of year again. I shall now begin my 6-month-long blog-bitch about Cleveland weather.
posted by Kate at 4:16 PM link/comments
We got an "Advisory Alert" email today, which essentially instructed us to be paranoid about the mail we receive. Included in this missive was a list of "Signs of Suspicious Mail," most of which was examples like unidentified return addresses and envelopes that smell like almonds (almonds? anthrax smells like almonds? who knew?) This one, however was my favorite: "Envelope may be suspicious if envelope has protruding wires or components." Whew. Thanks, Employer. I never would have figured that out on my own.
posted by Kate at 3:57 PM link/comments
Wow, Kate, you have had a day very much like mine. I hate guys like that, they put you in a position where your only two available responses are "fuck off," which I don't like (I mean, I am generally a nice person. Besides, guys wanting to get in a girl's pants is not a hanging offense, I don't mind being hit on in general, so it's not like I'm offended by being asked - just give a girl a graceful way to say no thanks. I would think this would leave both parties with dignity intact) and "oh yes, I would very much like to fuck you right now," which is much much worse.
So, I am about to hop in the shower this morning and the phone rings. I thought it might be Melinda or work (both important calls, one might need me to bring her new clothes because of another skunk incident, or to tell me my office has blown up and I won't be needed today) so I answered it. To blantently rip off Kate's technique, we will now switch to a screenplay format:
Me: Hello?
Boy on phone with a voice which would make "I went to church yesterday" sound like sexual harrasment, to be referred as "Him" from this point on: Is Lincoln there?
Me: Um, I don't think so (checks) no, sorry.
Him: Who is this?
Me: Uh, Holly, listen, I -
Him: Whatcha doing today, Holly?
Me: Going to work, so -
Him: Where you work at?
Me: Who is this?
Him: Tom. Where you work at?
Me: Oh, you must be Lincon and June's new roommate. Well, I'm running late so -
Him: Where you work at?
Me: I'm in social work.
Him: Oh. Holly is a really beautiful name. You got a boyfriend?
Me: Yes, I do.
Him: Man, everyone's gotta boyfriend!
Me: I guess that's how it seems when you're single. It was nice talking to -
Him: You happy with him?
Me: Yes, I am. Very happy. He makes me very happy.
Him: What do you look like?
at this point I realize I am standing in a room naked talking on the phone to a complete stranger that is totaly creeping me out...not happy right now, not at all
Me: If you're going to be Lincoln's roommate, I'm sure you'll come over sometime to meet me and my boyfriend and then you'll know. I'mrunninglaterightnowsoIreallyhavetogonowthankyougoodluckbyebyenow click.
I can't even get a small ego rush, because he didn't even see me. I'm just left going through the rest of my day feeling like my ear has been humped.
posted by Holly at 2:58 PM link/comments
Monday, October 15, 2001
Fun at Lunchtime ... I spent my entire lunch hour inadvertently offending people. Let's get one thing straight. I try to be as nice to people, all people, as much as humanly possible, particularly those who work in service professions. Having worked as a waitress at Ponderosa Steakhouse (high school) and at Speedway gas station (college), I know full well that service professions are: Today is payday, so like most paydays, I used my lunch hour to run around doing errands. My first stop was the bank to grab some cash and get a money order. The reason for the money order: On my way to Pennsylvania this weekend, I completely neglected to check my purse to ensure that I had enough money for turnpike tolls. Upon my arrival at the exit nearest my parents' house, I found myself 75 cents short of the toll. The big scary Turnpike Man took down my name, social security number, license plate number, and drivers' license number (I was a bit surprised he didn't ask for a blood sample too), told me to keep the $1 I had towards the toll, and handed me a form instructing me to send the $1.75 toll (plus a $1 'handling fee,' of course) to the listed address. No personal checks accepted. Send a money order, dammit. I asked the bank teller for the money order, and she recoiled as though I were trying to deposit a live coyote: Her: You want a money order for how much?? I left the bank and soon after was sitting in my car at a traffic light on Euclid Avenue. Both windows were open. Looking to my right, I noticed the gentlemen in the car in the next lane was trying to get my attention. He was doing that thing. You know, that slimy-guy thing where he looks at you with his chin extended, eyelids half-closed, smirks, and then does a sort of protracted nod. This, I've discovered, is urban body language which means "I am checking you out, and will now commence an unabashed, overtly-confident campaign to get into your pants." Him: Girrrrrrrrllll. How you doin'? (Note: Many of you are reading this and thinking, 'Gawd, Kate. Why didn't you just ignore him?' Ha, I say to you. These guys are like the worst sort of insult comics, except horny ... they have an answer for everything. You ignore them and they start shouting, honking the horn, using obscenities, calling for backup, dispatching helicopters, etc.) (Note: Here's where it gets tricky. Once again, we're faced with the prospect that there is no answer that allows a woman to gracefully bow out of this proposition. Possible Lie/Excuse #1: I can't. I live with my boyfriend/husband. Possible Lie/Excuse #2: I don't have a phone. Possible Lie/Excuse #3: I'm gay. There's no good answer.) Me: My parents don't allow me to date. Next stop: Drive-up window to grab lunch. I pulled into Wendy's, ordered a baked potato and a salad, then made my way to the window where I was told my total ($4.27) and gave the cashier some money ($20.27). Quick! Math quiz! How much money should Kate have received in change? That's right. The answer is $16. The cashier handed me my food and $15. Me: Excuse me. I need another dollar back. Is it any wonder I have a headache?
a) no fun, and
b) not made any easier by nasty people.
Me: $2.75 please.
Her: Two dollars and seventy-five cents????
Me: Yes, please.
Her: WHY?
Me: (explaining whole turnpike scenario)
Her: Damn, girl. If I were you, I just wouldn't pay it.
Me: Uh. Well, I figure I'd better not go around angering the PA Turnpike Commission. It's not really a big deal.
Her: Man, that is bullshit.
Me: (looking around for television camera. this is obviously a joke.) Ha ha ha.
Her: So you really want a money order for $2.75?
Me: Yes. Please.
Me: (Glancing at my watch in obviously-staged attempt to look like I'm in a hurry) Fine, thanks.
Him: You wanna go to lunch with me?
Me: No. I'm late for an appointment.
Him: Oh, OK. Then lemme get those digits.
Inevitable Response: Girl, I don't care about him. I wanna call and talk to you.
Inevitable Response: That's OK. Just tell me where you stay and I'll come see you.
Inevitable Response: (insert requisite slimy guy oh-that's-sexy/can-i-watch/assorted-innuendo here).
Him: (calls me a name that rhymes with 'bunt,' then suggests I should have relations with myself)
(Light changes, I zoom away).
Her: Why?
Me: You only gave me $15.
Her: (stares at me indignantly)
Me: My total was $4.27. I gave you $20.27, so I get $16 back. You only gave me $15.
Her: I know. Don't try to tell me how to do my job. Now I have to get the damn register key. (walking away) Damn white girl gonna tell me how to make change. Uh-uh.
Me: (Rests forehead against steering wheel, realizes this sort of thing is the reason I'm stressed out all the time).
Her (reappearing): Here's your damn dollar.
Me (meekly): Thanks.
posted by Kate at 2:54 PM link/comments
Friday, October 12, 2001
tonight is martini night. Yay! And in further excitement tomorrow is clean-up day in North Yarmouth. Life is good!
posted by lindathemum at 4:06 PM link/comments
I'm showing the movie "Bob Roberts" in class today. It's one of my all time favorites. The kids are turning in their papers today and they're all freaking out with midterms and such, so I figured I'd show a movie and therefore not have to battle for their attention for 50 minutes. I asked them what movie they wanted to see (I said it had to be along political lines, because that's the subject of their next paper) and the two suggestions I got were "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory" and "American History X." Sigh. At least I get paid today and can squander my hard earned money at The Quiet Bar.
posted by Jen at 3:01 PM link/comments
Well, I’m back. Melbourne was wonderful – lots of family stuff. I will let BJB tell you the highlights – (Bill?).
A long strange trip coming back – strictest security in Melbourne, which considering we went through security at both LAX and O’Hare is a little scary. If I were a terrorist, I sure wouldn’t be getting on a plane in Melbourne to go to the USA. Much easier to get on in Portland ME. And that was weird – opening the paper in Melbourne to see a photo of two of the terrorists going through security in Portland.
Lindathemom – I’m here in body, and mostly in mind – the spirit is a bit fractured. I don’t like being so far away from my boys in these times.
Holly – for what it is worth – I’m happy to look at your resume – just send it along. Kate has my address. I actually look at a lot of resumes, we are always advertising. But it would seem good to figure out what you want to do – now you know what you don’t want to do.
Kate – a stick vac can be your friend. Wield it and enjoy the power. Of course I would probably vacuum up the cats too…
posted by lindathemum at 7:53 AM link/comments
Thursday, October 11, 2001
OK, OK. This has got to be the strangest thing I've heard in years...
posted by Kate at 4:25 PM link/comments
Yay! Someone likes us. Stu over at Feeling Listless named us his Blog of the Day. The Six-Layer Kate collective sends thanks.
posted by Kate at 1:08 PM link/comments
Jen, now I imagine your students being like, "Whu? Anthrax? Aren't they a heavy metal band? They rock!" You and Melinda should talk about the use of irony and sarcasm in the classroom, and how it bufuddles students. Of course, you're teaching at the university level and Melinda teaches 8th grade, but after hearing both of your descriptions, I'm not seeing a helluva lot of difference. This weekend my best friend from high school, Anthony, is getting married, so it's off to PA with me on Saturday morning for the big event. Part of me is very excited. First off, I'm happy for Anthony, and I think his soon-to-be wife is utterly fantastic. Second, I'm morbidly curious to see how the old "gang" from high school is faring, since I haven't seen many of them for the better part of 7 years. On the other hand, hanging out with people from high school ... I'd be lying if I said the idea didn't make me mildly dispeptic. I feel like I have to portray myself as glamorous and wildly successful. There was a 5-year class reunion for us a couple of years ago. I didn't go, despite the fact that it was a) held around Thanksgiving, so I was in PA anyway, and b) held at a banquet facility about 3 miles from my parents' house. You have to understand that my small, private Catholic high school graduating class had a grand total of 28. I had heard through the grape vine that many of those who would be attending (only about half the class) were doing normal-people things like climbing the corporate ladder and planning their weddings. I couldn't bear the thought of the smile-and-nod response when I announced my life, which at the time was, "I'm living in Shaker Heights, Ohio, with 6 of my friends. I got my degree in English and Theatre, but right now I'm doing temp secretary work because after 13 months with the Newspaper Company from Hell, and after 3 months as Editor at the World's Most Poorly-Run Medical Publishing Company, I'm completely disillusioned with the idea of an occupation that involves the written word. No, I'm not married. No, I'm not planning to be married any time in the immediate future. Frankly, I think I'm unofficially married to my housemates. I don't go anywhere but work without them." Or maybe I was just feeling surly that week. Who knows. Does anyone else out there have a raging fear of reunions with people from high school, or am I completely clinical? Hangon. Wait. Don't answer that.
posted by Kate at 10:04 AM link/comments
Wednesday, October 10, 2001
Wow, it's been like a week since I posted...I've been reading up on the Anthrax scare in Florida, and MSNBC reported that the Anthrax may have originated in Ames, IA, home to the illustrious Iowa State University. They have the National Animal Disease Laboratories out there, so I guess it makes sense that if you want to heist some deadly biological agents, that's the place to go. But Ames! Innocent, unaware, midwestern Ames. I find myself trying to explain this stuff to my students (who did not know what Anthrax was) and I end up saying things like, "well, if I was a terrorist, this is what I'd do with Anthrax..." So they're calling the FBI on me, probably, right now. I realized this week that I constantly speak in varying degrees of irony and sarcasm and that my students probably don't understand that I'm not being serious. But I enjoy confusing them.
posted by Jen at 6:21 PM link/comments
Yes, mother. 'Twas the stick vac that eventually eliminated the hairballs from my kitchen and bathroom floors, but you must understand that it's impossible to keep up with the proliferation of cat-shed. It's omnipresent; I'm merely trying to prevent it from becoming omnipotent.
posted by Kate at 1:27 PM link/comments
Hmmm, then again, you might be able to train the hairblobs to bring you free Krispy Kremes in the morning. I'll be there.
posted by L at 10:52 AM link/comments
Did I not give you a vacuum cleaner for bare floors? It's that 70's-ish looking thing, gold in color. It has an on-off switch. It will suck up all cat hair if the switch is turned on by you and the device is directed toward the hairblobs. Try it. Often. It might make a difference with your sinuses, too...such as improve them. No, do not use the stick-vac on your sinuses. Just keep the floors clean.
Lindathemum, where are you? I don't like being the only maternal figure on the blog.
posted by L at 10:51 AM link/comments
I would have posted something last night, but as it turns out, my cats' hair has some sentient element to it which, when shed, allows it to choose to combine with other cat hair, yielding huge masses of feline tumbleweeds. These were rolling across my kitchen floor with great impunity, and I was suddenly struck with the notion that if I didn't do my damnedest to defeat them, they might spread. And then who knows what could happen? They could end up rolling out the door, asphyxiating the neighbors, robbing liquor stores, foiling the police, bumping off high-ranking city officials, thereby eliminating any obstacles they might encounter in sabotaging the mayoral race. And then where would many of us be? Sitting in Cleveland wondering how the hell we ended up with Mayor Hairball at the helm, that's where. Kate Foster ... Keeping the apartment clean so that you can sleep just a little better at night. Paid for by the Coalition to Elect Kate Foster to Some Position or Another. Clearly, what the world needs is more wiseasses in public office.
posted by Kate at 9:36 AM link/comments
Monday, October 08, 2001
I just saw a piece of heavy construction machinery outside my office called a "Snorkelift," as indiciated by the lettering down the side. Snorklifte?
posted by Kate at 11:18 AM link/comments
Friday, October 05, 2001
Friday Afternoon Follies ... I went to the doctor today in hopes of banishing the sinus demons from my head. I've been to the doctor before for sinus problems, but never have I gone to an ear/nose/throat specialist. I decided to go for a specialist because a) my insurance will pay for it and b) because I was hoping to get some long-term solution to the problem. The doctor walked into the patient room wearing this bizarre contraption on his head. It looked like a headband with a bunch of long, skinny metal things attached. Here now is a transcript of my interaction with the doctor. Parenthetical italicized text is what was going through my head at the time ... Doc: Soooo, you're having some sinus trouble, are you? I'm beginning to understand why some people have a pathological fear of the medical community.
Me: Yeah.
Doc: Stuffy nose? Sinus pressure?
Me: Yes.
(Well I should think so. How the hell else would I know I was having sinus trouble? No, Dr. Obvious, the whole notion came to me in a dream.)
Doc: OK. I'm going to take this thing (reaches over to medical console and produces stick-like metal object attached to a hose. object resembles pneumatic drill) and spray something in your nostrils. After I do that, inhale through your nose as hard as you can. (shoves hose in my face, wet spray shoots into my nostrils).
Me: (snorting like coke fiend)
Doc: (sticking long skinny rubber hose into my nostrils): Wow. Your septum is really deviated.
Me (in comical voice caused by having rubber hose in nasal cavity): Oh. I diddit doe I had a debiaded sebtub.
Doc: (shoves rubber hose further into my nose, causing me great pain and discomfort)
Me: (trying to suppress whimper)
(jesus! how far is he putting this thing in?)
Doc: (recoiling death hose) All righty. You have a deviated septum and a sinus infection. Beyond that, I don't know what's going on in there because your membranes are too swollen so I couldn't get the hose in far enough.
Me: Oh.
(not far enough! the damn thing was poking me in the frontal lobe!)
Doc: (writing multiple prescriptions) I'm putting you on antibiotics, oral steroids, and nasal steroids. Then in three weeks, when everything's cleared up, we'll do a cat scan and then decide about surgery (hands me prescriptions, turns on heel to leave).
Me: Waitwaitwait. I have some questions.
(SURGERY?? Wha... gehhhh.... What's this about SURGERY?!)
Doc: What kind of questions?
Me: OK, first of all explain to me about this deviated septum, and why it's such a bad thing.
Doc: The septum is the membrane that separates the right and left halves of your nose. (yeah, no shit. do i look competely stupid?) God made us all each a little different (huh??! when did god get involved in my nostrils?), and just as he made my ears (pulls own earlobe, presumably as visual aid) different from your ears (points at my ears), he made all of our septums different, too.
Me: Okaaayyyy...(what am i, six? i half expect this man to don a fedora and start doing a little septum-themed song and dance around the room) So what's this all have to do with surgery?
Doc: Some people choose to have surgery.
Me: You mean for the septum problem?
(some people choose to have surgery. just randomly? like, 'hey, marge. i'm bored. let's go down to the clinic and have us some surgery.'??)
Doc: Yes. Unless there's polyps in your sinus cavity.
Me (trembling): Polyps? (polyps? I could have POLYPS??)
Doc: Yes, but you probably don't. We'll know more after your cat scan.
Me: So you're doing the cat scan to look for polyps.
Doc: Not particularly. I just want to see what's in there.
(whaddya mean, 'what's in there'! what the hell are you expecting to find? your car keys? a small man dancing the macarena? you don't go around making people have cat scans just for the hell of it. 'oh, this'll be fun. let's see what the inside of this girl's skull looks like.')
Me: OK. So what about the surgery?
Doc: Oh, you probably won't have to have surgery.
Me: (gritting teeth so hard i'm afraid they'll shatter in my mouth): Fine. I'll see you in three weeks.
posted by Kate at 5:10 PM link/comments
Only you, Kathleen, only you.
posted by L at 4:55 PM link/comments
Thursday, October 04, 2001
Oh, yeah. Burton, how'd your job interview go? And are you still plaguing the universe with that alarm clock? I swear, the goddam thing registers on the Richter Scale.
posted by Kate at 11:30 PM link/comments
Oh, Holly. Quit that place before it destroys you. Brian Hanna ... wow. Nice to see the years gone by haven't diminished his chronic anxiety about things that would never cross anyone else's mind. Maybe that's why the world needs Brian Hanna. Someone has to worry about crashing IMacs. Tonight Tia The Cat silently climbed atop and across my stereo shelf/half-an-entertainment-center, then decided to swat off a stereo speaker. Unfortunately, I was sitting in the chair just below, and my left shoulder got pounded with a falling speaker. On the upshot, I was sitting crooked in the chair. If I had been sitting straight up, it would have been my head and not my shoulder that got clunked. I'm trying to count my blessings here, but owwwwwwwwwwww. Mawwwwwwwm, it hurrrrrrts. Damn cats.
posted by Kate at 11:25 PM link/comments
I'm impressed by everyone's pre-Halloween creativity. I've decided I will always dress up as a color. Makes it easy and I can wear anything within that color.
Brian Hanna called Paul and I last night, because he had 120 minutes of free long distance. It was strange -- we all managed to talk about Sept. 11 for two straight hours. He said he was thinking of moving, but then the terrorists attacks made him change his mind, and neither Paul nor I could convince him he could still move safely. But we all know how Brian Hanna is....Brian's other area of worry (and he has so many) is that the library is apparently loaning out IMacs, and that someone will drop the computer while carrying it around the library. Brian said it worries him a lot. Keeps him awake at night.
posted by Jen at 6:39 PM link/comments
We could change the theme, I'm not sure anyone is married to it. So, I have finally decided that social work is not for me. I hate it. I hate my job. If anything, Sept. 11th has made me sit down and think about my life. What if I'm at a conference downtown and am blown up(I know this is highly unlikely, but it's more of a possibilty now than before)? I don't want to die hating my job. Of course, I could die in a car accident or bizarre-yet-tragic chain of events involving a massage chair and bottle of tequilia, but recent events does turn the mind towards morbid. I think it was actually the convention I went to that put the head stone on my current career though. I went to Cincinnati for big social work hoo-haw, wore heels for three days straight, went to a five star restaurant, wore a $600 outfit, and presented at one of the workshops. Ah, this is the top, the best minds of this industry (if you can call it that) in this area. Let their words of wisdom and experience wash over me, cleansing me of my increasing apathy and doubt, leaving me baptized and a believer...or so I was thinking at the time. What I found were people who were a) staggeringly stupid, b) just as disillusioned as me or c) both. Nope nope nope...I will not end up like the people I saw there - 200 pounds overweight, chain smoking, bitter, and lonely.
The point of all this is that I was planning on discretely updating my resume at work today. But when I came in, the first thing I was told was "we need a current resume on you for a new grant," so I got to update it in full view, and recieve praise that I had it ready a few days before they even wanted it. Life is weird. On a related note, anyone wanting to review it and give me ways to make it better would be slavishly adored (particularly those over, say 25 {mommummommum}). I've found that spending two years helping people with, ah, limited work histories have spoiled me.
One more thing: Our alarm on the office building is malfunctioning. Which means we cannot turn it off. They won't come out until Tuesday. It's just beeping and beeping and beeping...
As an interesting sidenote, here is an example on conditioning: I have an uncontrolable urge to kill Mike Burton. (His alarm used to go off and keep beeping and beeping and beeping...)
posted by Holly at 5:49 PM link/comments
That'd be fun to explain to the locksmith. "Look, my mom said to go to the Halloween party as Lady Godiva, except wear a chastity belt and throw away the key. What's so strange about that?! Now unlock me, dammit."
posted by Kate at 3:55 PM link/comments
I won't go ballistic...this is a bad year for the sinuses. My teeth are killing me from the pressure. I hear that loads of people are running to doctors with earaches when it is really a TMJ problem from all this stress and gnashing of teeth at night.
Why don't you go to the H'ween party as Lady Godiva? If you're worried you can wear a chastity belt and throw away the key.
posted by L at 1:20 PM link/comments
Advantages to having a Canadian as a boss ... First, there's the whole dry wit/covert sarcasm thing that Canadians are so good at. Cracks me up. Second, she's wonderfully resourceful in case of major headaches. Tylenol with codeine is a legal over-the-counter medication in Canada, so every time she goes home to see her family, she brings some back to combat her migraines. When any of the members of her staff get raging headaches (like today, when my sinuses are attempting to jackhammer through the side of my skull), she passes them out. Feeling much better now. (Relax, Mother. I made a doctor's appointment to have the sinuses checked out. Don't go ballistic.)
posted by Kate at 12:23 PM link/comments
Wednesday, October 03, 2001
Just as long as you wear those weird lace-up boots that match the kilt, Mike. Then everything will be OK. I'm thinking of dressing as something truly indicative of the medieval period. Like a chamber pot. >:-P
posted by Kate at 10:25 PM link/comments
Medieval... sheesh... I gotta agree with you Kate. Not the best theme. We did much better in the past. I might alter it a touch myself... but at least it gives me an excuse to wear my kilt. It just may be Winston Churchill in a kilt.. .but hey. It's medieval.
posted by Mike at 7:15 PM link/comments
I'm listening to 80s music right now. Just finished Toto's "Africa" ... "I know that I must do what's right, just as sure as Kilimanjaro rises like a leopress above the Serengeti." I'm all for simile, but that one seems just a bit long and forced for a pop song, don't you agree? Of course, when I was a kid, I thought the lyric was, "just as sure as kill-a my gonzo rises like a leper above the seven dead geese." I'm not sure which I like better.
posted by Kate at 1:11 PM link/comments
Oh, lord, Jen, how awful. Did he at least file charges or report the moron American who did it? I would hope that anyone who would do such a thing would be summarily booted from the university. There's no excuse for behaving like an animal, and besides, someone like that is clearly not deserving of a university education. A college education requires that a student actually have a brain in his head. Bastard.
posted by Kate at 9:54 AM link/comments
Tuesday, October 02, 2001
kate, your stove story made my day. Yeah for violation-concealing landlords.
Had a bummer day yesterday. Of my 48 freshman students, 47 are white and one is from Kuwait. Yesterday the Kuwaiti withdrew from the university and booked the next flight outta America because some idiot American student knocked him around. I wanted to cry when he told me. All I could do was apologize profusely and offer to help him get to the airport, if he needed help. He was dressed in his Kuwaiti army sand dune camo because he was scared to death of being mistaken for an Afghanistan terrorist. I hate that it's come to this. Happy world, eh?
posted by Jen at 6:18 PM link/comments
But if I give up my vices, mother, how will I ever realize my dreams of becoming a near-replica of Marge Simpson's sisters? Mmmmmmm. MacGyyyyyyver. As for you, Michael Burton, you don't drink coffee anymore? You, who always had the approximate disposition of a heavily-provoked viper before you sucked down at least two cups in the morning? More proof that the world is getting more and more surreal. Additional evidence: Halloween Party will be held Saturday, October 27, I believe at the Jen/Aamir/Tony/Parker household. Medieval theme this year, which I'm grouchy about. Medieval themes are just an excuse for geeky people to dress up like Gweneviere and Lancelot. And for the truly nerdy to put their homemade chainmail collection to use. I think we could have done better. (OK, FRIENDS WHO READ THIS. THE TRUTH IS OUT. I THINK THIS YEAR'S HALLOWEEN THEME SUCKS. WE GO FROM LAWN ORNAMENTS TO SUPERHEROES TO MEDIEVAL???? IT'S BORING, AND I OBJECT.) I'm sticking with the theme, but only marginally. I've decided that I'm going as whatever I want to, then adding something medieval on top of it. Like dress up as Che Guevara, then carry a big jeweled sword and wear a cone-shaped hat replete with ribbons. I'll let you know what I decide.
1. The spirit of Frank Sinatra is plaguing me. It's true. Just ask Holly and Melinda.
2. My boss, the queen of even-temperedness and business manners, just went off on a paragraph-long e-rant blaming the recent full moon for the fact that every piece of mechanical equipment in my office is malfunctioning.
3. A man and woman I'd never seen before walked into my apartment this morning at 7:30 a.m., ripped the stove out of the wall, and shoved it in the wall storage space, along with my microwave, in preparation for a routine rental property inspection by the city. Apparently, my stove is illegal. After finishing the task, they looked at me and said, "We'll be back later to put that back. In the meantime, we have 5 more stoves to hide," and dashed off like appliance-concealing superheroes.
posted by Kate at 5:14 PM link/comments
Just what you need, Kate, another addiction. As if nicotine wasn't bad enough. Nag, nag, nag. Your mother loves you.
posted by L at 4:01 PM link/comments
Heh. Odd, but we hardly ever make coffee at the house here. I get 99% of my caffeine intake from diet Dr. Pepper.
Say... when you Cleveland folks throwing the Halloween party? If at all. Where, When... so I can make plans. Take days off and what not.
posted by Mike at 3:02 PM link/comments
Signs that my morning caffeine addiction is getting out of hand ... I ran out of ground coffee yesterday. Fortunately, I realized when I woke up this morning that I had a pound of Starbucks coffee that one of the boys had given me. Unfortunately, the coffee was still in bean form, and I don't own a grinder. Seeing no alternative (not having coffee was not an option), I shook out a handful of beans onto a paper towel and beat them to smithereens with a hammer. The experience was sort of catharctic, quite frankly. I think it's for the best that I live alone.
posted by Kate at 11:16 AM link/comments