Ha, Wal-Mart. God I hate that place. You know, they open like 16 new stores EVERY DAY in this nation. It's absurd. Critical mass, maximum density.
So...my office here in TA land is directly across the hall from the men's restroom. There is no women's restroom in this wing of the building, and for complicated and highly stupid political reasons, the powers-that-be have attempted to decree that all hell would break lose if we dared it make it a unisex sort of restroom, so TAs of all genders could use it. Memos were circulated and ignored. Where I'm going with this story is that the women use the restroom anyway, but they are always wary of what might happen if a guy walks in. So, my office being directly across the way, the women have taken to assuming that I know who is in the restroom at all times, and that I will also serve as Guardian of the Door should they decide to use it. Which I all find very amusing, and it gives me many moments to be highly sarcastic and unhelpful. I also get to engage people in theoretical discussions about why everything just assumes I keep track of who is in the restroom.
posted by Jen at 3:43 PM link/comments
Wednesday, January 30, 2002
Oh, goody. At least Dayton's 3 hours from here. Sometimes I forget that Ohio has communities that serve as breeding grounds for dumb-ass rednecks, but then I travel an hour outside Cleveland, in any direction. I went to Wal-Mart tonight to do my bi-monthly "big-ass vat o' cat litter" purchase. I feel so damn guilty about shopping at Wal-Mart. I try to ignore the awful right-wing Christian shit everywhere, like the rack of checkout-line impulse items which included a book called "Email From God: A Book for Teens." Apparently, the idea of a traditional Almighty is much too archaic in the eyes of our nation's adolescents, so we have to let them imagine that God's sitting around in his underpants with his laptop, IM-ing Job or something. Next thing we know, he'll be hosting something on the E! Network. Fashion Emergency with Jehovah. "Oh, no! Girlfriend, what's going on with that blouse? Jean-Luc, help this woman before I cast a plague!" On the upshot, Wal-Mart has great socks. And cheap tights. I think I ought to go to bed.
posted by Kate at 11:59 PM link/comments
So you know how Northern Idaho used to be a hotbed of Aryan Nations activity? Well, now that the founder is 84 years old and preoccupied with being a raving lunatic, Northern Idaho has become more of a sort-of-warm-bed for white supremacists, so guess where they might be moving? Dayton Ohio. To Ohio, Love Idaho. Have fun with the KKK parades and civil rights issues.
posted by Jen at 2:01 AM link/comments
Monday, January 28, 2002
Cleveland for this week has been equally strange. The past few days, the weather's been holding a daytime temperature of about 55 degrees, which is really bloody weird for Cleveland in January. Not that I'm complaining, mind you. Rumor has it that today is a full moon. I'm not surprised. It's been very stressful at work. So stressful, in fact, that in about 45 minutes, three of us are sneaking out of the office to have a stiff drink. You might be thinking that 2:30 is much too early to be drinking alcohol. To you I say the immortal words of Kerry the Coworker: "Screw it. Right now, it's cocktail hour somewhere in the world."
posted by Kate at 1:41 PM link/comments
Saturday, January 26, 2002
This has been Idaho for the last week:
Morning: all surfaces for travel are sheets of ice. Weigh dangers of biking or walking to class. Choose to walk, slip no less than eight times on way to class.
Afternoon: strangely warm and rainy; two feet of slush everywhere. Shoes are soaked. Must buy boots.
Evening: rain morphs into snow, you look away for 5 minutes, look back and there are five inches of snow everywhere. Have long debates with significant other about who should drive to store to buy 2 liter of Coke so significant other can drink Long Island Ice Teas all night. Have even longer debates about whether the snow is pretty or deadly.
posted by Jen at 2:26 PM link/comments
Friday, January 25, 2002
Recipe for a day-long bad mood: Go to the doctor; sit in a small exam room whilst being orbited by a head doctor, a slightly-lesser doctor, and a gaggle of 5 hospital residents; watch gaggle of almost-doctors look at you like you're some sort of specimen while taking copious notes; repeat previous step for 2 hours; have 5 vials of blood drawn by the resident vampire; be told to return for additional blood-letting on Tuesday; make appointment with same doctor to do it all again 3 weeks from now. Grumph.
posted by Kate at 2:46 PM link/comments
Thursday, January 24, 2002
I had to go to a "Budget Training Session" this afternoon. The name makes me giggle because it sounds like the purpose of the gathering is to train budgets (like make them fetch the newspaper or something) rather than to train people to write budgets. The session was completely useless, but I had to go, according to an e-memo sent to me that essentially said "COME TO THIS MEETING OR THE UNIVERSITY WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND MURDER YOU IN COLD BLOOD." I showed up, and the smiley budget lady opened by saying, "Wow. We've had such great turnout for these sessions. Thank you all so much for taking time out of your busy schedules to attend." The smile then quickly faded into an icy gaze as she said, "And make sure you all sign in on the sheet in the back. We are tracking who does and doesn't show up." I imagined her saying that last bit in a German gestapo-esque accent.
posted by Kate at 4:25 PM link/comments
Wednesday, January 23, 2002
I am amazed and unduly proud of the fact I havn't tackled Kate and given her noogies until she cried...or beat me to a pulp.
That's cute - this morning I entered the office and Kate jumped a little, saw it was me, and pulled the blog screen back up, saying "Oh, it's you, you know I blog at work." Whaddaya know - as I was writing the above, Kate came back from a meeting and the exchange was repeated.
Maybe working together means never having to say "I was just checking to see if that progress data analysis post-production dynamic has been posted yet."
posted by Holly at 4:14 PM link/comments
Yeah for Holly and her office-near-Kate's temp job.
I just got done teaching my class, where a guy politely asked if he could skip class due to "initiation activities" for his frat. I'm torn between being pleased that he thought to ask, or being annoyed that he opted for "initiation activities" over my stimulating discussion of Chapter One.
posted by Jen at 3:34 PM link/comments
Recall a recent post wherein Holly quit her job? She has a 4-month temp gig now. Guess where it is. My office. Guess where she's sitting. In the office right next to mine. I have to hand it to us. We're now on day 3 of sitting in adjacent offices, and we've managed to refrain from behaving like a couple of neanderthals. Although this morning, the phone people came in here and drilled a hole between our offices so we can run a phone line from my office to hers. It's a fairly sizable hole. I've been sitting here all morning eyeing the hole and thinking about how it'd be the perfect size for the business end of a Super Soaker. Noooo ambush water-fight fantasies. Bad Kate. Bad bad Kate.
posted by Kate at 10:47 AM link/comments
I'd heard of "Birth of a Nation," but I've not yet seen it. It was on my list at some point when I was going through my "I'm Going to Become a Total Documentary Film Geek" stage. That stage never really took off. I think what really killed it for me was when I watched Leni Riefenstahl's "Triumph of the Will." Long, tiring, offensive nazi propaganda film. No thanks. Just give me my Errol Morris documentaries-about-really-weird-people genre. That's as far as I need to go. As for watching 80s sitcoms from pilot to finale, there are a couple that wouldn't be too bad: Cheers, ... OK. I'm going to be honest with you. It's been 5 minutes since I typed the comma after the word "Cheers," and my brain cannot come up with another sitcom series from that entire decade that I would consider worthwhile. The only thing I've come up with as a marginal option was "Night Court," which was decent. But lord. How did we survive 80s television? Who's the Boss, Diff'rent Strokes, Alf, Mr. Belvedere, Gimme a Break ... it's a wonder any member of our generation can get out of bed in the morning. There is one thing I should admit, though, no matter how shameful ... I kinda liked "Perfect Strangers."
posted by Kate at 10:38 AM link/comments
Tuesday, January 22, 2002
Watched the 1915 film "Birth of a Nation" for my lit and film class. Holy god. A three-hour silent film that's basically a recruiting call for the KKK. I was supposed to be watching it for its cinematic innovations, like how they mounted the camera on the back of a cart in order to get a moving action shot of the KKK running down some hapless black guy. And how they superimposed a smiling Jesus over the final scene of white Southerners rejoicing. Previous to last night, I had no idea that this film even existed. Paul and I have been coming up with lists of "Things We'd Rather Do Instead of Watching Birth of A Nation." Things like walking in a blizzard for three hours, or watching some bad 80's sitcom series from pilot to finale.
posted by Jen at 6:53 PM link/comments
Saturday, January 19, 2002
Yes, that was possibly the most tragic blunder I've ever seen. Incredible.
Anyone seen Ghost World? We saw it last night. Really really good. It has Steve Buscemi and that chickie form American Beauty. Thora Birch, I think. Anyway, it's one of the best movies I've seen recently. Also, The Royal Tenebaums is another must-see. That's Jen's Movie Review for now.
So we went to see the movie at 10pm over at Washington State University (whose initials, WSU, have morphed into the phonetically interesting word Wazzu, which is what most everyone calls WSU). When the movie was over, we were not so overjoyed to see that four inches of wet snow had fallen in 2 hours. Thanks, winter. Anyway, we made it back home and watched with typical midwest curiousity as our friend, an Idaho native, put chains on his truck tires like it was nothing it all. Paul and I have been pretty freaked out that "putting the chains on" is a typical car maintenance thing around here. Actually, it terrifies us and our little Honda.
posted by Jen at 4:36 PM link/comments
Friday, January 18, 2002
Yep, Kate, that is one hell of a blunder. Just think....with the mentality of the country in general these days, Jodie Foster may win another Oscar and they will give it to YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Quite frankly, you are more deserving.)
I am off to the big coupon sale at Lazarus and lunch with Cherie. YEEEEEEEEEEEHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! CLEARANCE....my favorite word!
posted by L at 10:23 AM link/comments
Wednesday, January 16, 2002
In other news, here's one helluva blunder.
posted by Kate at 3:12 PM link/comments
Tuesday, January 15, 2002
A Bulgarian news show in which the female presenters removed their clothes as they read the headlines has been cancelled only three weeks after its launch.
The MSAT private TV station pulled the plug after a shapely newsreader took off her bra just as she delivered a news item on the Pope.
more
posted by billyjoe noodle-bob at 8:50 PM link/comments
Monday, January 14, 2002
I hate it when mothers change their kid's diaper in full view of the unsuspecting public. It really boggles my mind. Paul says he cannot think of anything worse than that.
So classes started today...of the 24 students on my roster, 15 made it to class. The other 9, MIA on the first day, are off to a stellar start. I can only wish them the best of luck in eventually finding the classroom, or eventually comprehending their class schedule, or eventually getting their collective freshman act together...
posted by Jen at 6:48 PM link/comments
Yay for later, higher-level freshman classes, Jen. The little monsters (read: undergraduate students) are back in classes starting today. Everything's noisy again. Went to the oral surgeon this morning to have a panoramic x-ray and consult about these damn wisdom teeth. Sitting in the waiting room, I was "entertained" for 20 minutes by a woman and her toddler who were waiting for their husband/father to emerge from his appointment. If I ever become one of those women who thinks everything their demon child does is precious, no matter how maddening to the general populice, someone please shoot me. While I was attempting to call my insurance carrier to get my dental insurance plan's group number, the adorable little blob of hell (who, by the smell of things, had not had a diaper change since sometime in May) was screaming at the top of his lungs and smashing his fists against the waiting room window (his mother, incidentally, did nothing to stop him). I couldn't hear myself speak, and judging by the look on the receptionist's face, she was about 3 seconds from a homicidal rampage. The poor receptionist's mood, strangely, did not improve when the kid elected to station himself directly under the receptionist's window and commence punching and kicking the wall. Throughtout it all, his mother was charmed. "Oooo. Whoozat beautiful baby making all the nooooiiiiise? Who's my noisy baby?? Who's my beautiful booooyyyy?" The last straw, though, was when Satan's mother finally realized that the diaper was about six seconds away from requiring a Haz-Mat team. She proceeded to worm the kid down onto his back and change his shitty diaper on the oral surgeon's waiting room floor. Then she tried to hand the dirty diaper to the receptionist with the assumption that the receptionist was somehow responsible for disposing of the child's waste. The receptionist just stared at her, then told her to throw it away in the restroom. People. What the hell.
Mother (to receptionist): Do you have a restroom where I can change my baby's diaper?
Receptionist: Yes. Right down the hall and to your left.
Mother: Is there a changing table in there?
Receptionist: No, but there's ample counter space.
Mother: Oh. If there's no changing table, I'm just going to have to do it right here.
posted by Kate at 2:23 PM link/comments
Saturday, January 12, 2002
Yeah for Holly...nothing better than leaving a hellish job...speaking of job hassles, I got a call on Tuesday about how on Monday the 14th, I won't be teaching ENGL 101, because only 6 students signed up for my 8:30 am class. Instead, I'll be teaching ENGL 102, which is fine, it's just that I suddenly have to plan for a slightly different class, with different assignements, different books than I'd been planning on. It's no shock to me that only 6 bleary-eyed freshman signed up for that morning class, but apparently the higher-ups in the department thought students would be lining up on the wait list for such a stellar class time. No way. Who can blame them. Even I don't want to think about writing at 8:30am. (I only agreed to teach at that time with the written-in-stone promise that I'd never have to do it again.) So now I have this 102 class, at 11:30 (ah, much better). However, since that class didn't exist before Tuesday, the kids who are signing up for it are all the last minute indecisive types, or the unfortunate ones who just found out they failed 102 and have to take it again.
posted by Jen at 6:55 PM link/comments
Friday, January 11, 2002
And oh yeah, HollyBear. Congratulations on your triumphant escape from the salivating jaws of social work.
posted by Kate at 10:49 AM link/comments
Under the category of "Unholy Unions," here now is a picture of World Wrestling Federation superstar The Rock, flanked by his wife and ... yup ... that's Martha Stewart. Was telling my friend Keith on the phone last night that I have multiple weekly episodes in which I'm overcome with the urge to stop whatever I'm doing and scream, "WHAT the HELL is going ON here?! Can't you all SEE how SILLY everything is?" The Rock, Martha Stewart, and a heart-shaped cookie. Definitely one of those moments.
posted by Kate at 10:46 AM link/comments
Thursday, January 10, 2002
On a much, much shallower note:
Today is my last day here. I am so happy. To use the words of Parker's famous song "Last Day,"
"It's my last day
it's kiss my ass day"
Um, yeah. I'm classy. Sure.
posted by Holly at 12:07 PM link/comments
Sunday, January 06, 2002
Back in Idaho...Paul and I were glad we could make it to the funeral...Zack did a great job reading. That must have been one of the most difficult things to do. So we hope all is well with him, as well as can be...Paul is in Ohio for another week, moving furniture around the house for his parents...I'm overjoyed to not be on an airplane (I left Dayton at 7:15 this morning). And I am happy to report that over the last two weeks, I received 56 junk emails and 1 (one) email from the English department and 0 (zero) emails of any personal interest.
posted by Jen at 8:22 PM link/comments
Friday, January 04, 2002
And I feel all the sadder for having not been able to be there.
*Sigh*
posted by Mike at 8:39 PM link/comments
Yesterday, the whole lot of our gang drove four hours from Cleveland to Dayton to attend Zack's mom's funeral. Paul and Jen, who are at Paul's parents' house in the Dayton area for the holidays, came too. Jen, you two showing up meant heaps to Zack; he was incredibly surprised and happy about it. The whole thing really knocked the wind out of all of us, I think. Not that I expected it to be fun. People don't go to funerals and come back saying, "Hell's bells! That was a riot!" Thing is, out of our closeknit clique, this is the first parental death. I'm not going to start going off on some trite philsophical diatribe about coming face-to-face with mortality, although those thoughts were there. Zack got up at the funeral and read something he'd written. His sister and uncle did the same. We all wept like babies. No great insights here. Just sadness. *sigh*
posted by Kate at 1:23 PM link/comments
Wednesday, January 02, 2002
I'm at Paul's parents' house, where Paul and I have been engaging in a marathon of watching TV, eating, and wondering why the cats are so extraordinarily huge. We're talking LARGE house cats...anyway, all is well, although on Christmas Eve it wasn't appearing that way, given that Paul, flying into town the day after me, managed to MISS HIS FLIGHT out of Idaho, thereby royally screwing up his entire schedule of connections across the country...seems he overslept and underestimated the time he'd need for all the new security hoo-hah, so when he arrived at the airport 30 minutes before takeoff, the National Guard fellas wouldn't let him anywhere near the plane. By the time all this was happening, I had already arrived at Paul's parents' house, so I was imagining the sheer fun of spending a few days alone with the Cockeram Clan, with Paul stranded in random airports...luckily it all worked out....hey it's 2002....I'm going to go drink Heineken and watch mind-numbing TV. Like Animal Planet.
posted by Jen at 6:58 PM link/comments
Remember when we were at Tommy's and my work beeper went off for the first time? It vibrates. I nearly jumped on the table. Having one's waist start vibrating spontaneously would be an asset, I suppose, but one that you have to get used to.
I'm glad Kate's boss shows compassion. I informed my boss (who knows my last day is approaching, I have been very professional about leaving this stinking hell-hole) that I would not be in tomorrow as I am going to Zack's mother's funeral in Dayton. I have many sick days carrying over from last year but since it is not a sick day and the funeral is not for an immediate family member it will be unpaid. Fucking fucking bitch. I was going to work my ass off these last few days, making sure everything would be a easy a simple for her as possible. Screw that. I will go as slow as I like and those reports that will be due next month? Yeah, sure, I was going to bust my ass and get them done, but now I'm just not sure I'll have time. No going above and beyond for me.
posted by Holly at 12:35 PM link/comments