Another Conversation Scene: Moments ago. Kate at her desk. Phone rings. Kate: (usual at-work salutation) Great. Now I'm getting in trouble for transgressions concocted by my mother's subconscious.
Mom: DID YOU START SMOKING AGAIN??!!
Kate: Whu ..? I ... ? No!
Mom: Are you sure?
Kate: (beginning to feel inexplicably guilty, even though she knows damn well she hasn't done anything wrong)YES, I'm sure. What brought THIS on?
Mom: I had a dream last night that you came home and you were smoking again. So I threw you out of the house.
Kate: ...
Mom: When I woke up, I was so pissed off at you.
Kate: I'm not smoking again, Mother.
Mom: (in threatening uber-maternal voice)Well you'd better not be.
posted by Kate at 12:13 PM link/comments
~Young Love~ Scene: Kate and MarcTheBoyfriend, standing in Marc's living room, playing cricket/darts with Marc's electronic talking dartboard. Kate (throws wild dart, misses board; dart bounces off wall, hits cat): Shit! It's shameless, the way we flirt.
Marc: You suck.
Kate: Piss off, willya. (throws last dart, hits '18')
Dartboard: Mark!
Marc (to dartboard): What?
Kate (deadpan): That joke just keeps getting funnier.
Marc: Shaddap.(throws dart)
Dartboard: Score!
Marc: Does your ass hurt?
Kate: Huh?
Marc: From me kicking it so hard.(throws dart)
Dartboard: Score!
Kate: Go to hell.
posted by Kate at 10:34 AM link/comments
Wednesday, May 29, 2002
Heh... Bridog.
Ah, and I have returned from my journeys. For those not aware, I again snubbed the Jen's House in NY Memorial Day weekend. Instead choosing to Friday drive to Ohio, pick Zack up, and Friday, drive out to Odessa, Delaware for the Playa Del Fuego Burn. Sort of the Burning Man in miniature. We camped out in my tent in the middle of a huge ass field, property of the Vietnam Veterans Motorcycle Club. That's right, camping with old Vet Bikers. And 300 or so hippy/pagan/druggies. All out for a good time.
Upon arrival we set up a hasty camp, and drank ourselves silly. On Saturday I sat around on my ass, talked with people as they wandered by, drank, got some sun... drank... and... uh... talked with people. Sunday, drank. And watched the nude waterslide activities for a bit, followed by the Satan's Nude Mud Wrestle for Your Soul. That was funny. Some guy dressed up as Satan with a bullhorn yelling at people to wrestle. Nude, of course. As Zack pointed out, white people look silly nude. And as some other guy said, it's funny how you can see a woman nude in your bed, and it's all good, but seeing her wander around in public just isn't quite as appealing.
But, overall, the Burn was a blast. Lotsa drinking, smoking, good music, awesome food, and cool people. I highly recommend the experience. Very communal.
It all ended with me driving Zack back out to Ohio Monday, staying the night over to rest, and back here in DC tuesday night. Ah... and now work. God bless Starbucks.
posted by Mike at 12:34 PM link/comments
Argh, Brian Hanna. People who don't take time off work scare me. I (mostly) like my job, take pride in what I do, take it seriously, etc., but for the loveofgod, they give me two weeks a year and say, "Here, Kate. Every year, you get 10 days when you just plain don't have to come in, and we'll pay you anyway." Who the hell just doesn't take advantage of that? And another thing ... Chain smoking? Brian Hanna was chain smoking?
posted by Kate at 9:36 AM link/comments
Tuesday, May 28, 2002
Heard from Brian Hanna last Friday. He only calls when he's drunk. This time, he was sloshed on red wine, claimed to be chain smoking, and was declaring his intentions to fly to Idaho for the holiday weekend. He said he was going to the airport first thing in the morning and purchase a ticket on the spot and be at our place by dinner time. He did in fact make it to the airport, but alas, as I warned him, the cost of an impromptu ticket west on a holiday weekend was rather pricey, so the Bridog had to return home. He called later and he and Paul had a long discussion about the merits of spontaneous travel versus planning ahead just a wee bit so as to avoid expensive airfare. We've been trying to convince Brian to visit us, but he's been puttering around and making up reasons why he can't, despite the fact that the freak never takes a day off work and has, in fact, a slew of vacation days he has to use before July.
posted by Jen at 1:38 PM link/comments
Oh, right. The equally-threatening "If you don't watch Snickers ads, then the terrorists won!" approach. I wish I had HBO for exactly that reason. As it stands, even though I have cable, all of my channels are of the "force-fed-ads-every-15-minutes" variety. Got back late last night from the annual trek to Rochester, NY, to FriendJen's parents' house. There were alpacas, there were geese and ducks, there was beer and wine and margaritas. There was also a whole lot of lying around in the yard, reading a book and being unbelievably happy about Having Nothing To Do, and getting a sunburn on my legs, arms, and face. I slept outside, alone in a huge tent containing a full-size air mattress and loads of comfy bedding. We stopped at Niagara Falls on the way home yesterday. There were 5 of us, and we all wanted to stroll across the bridge to Canada. As it turned out, we had to leave Aamir behind, because he's NotAmerican, and the nice folks at the U.S. INS window next to the bridge said that if he didn't have his passport/visa, we'd have to sell him to the Canadians or something. Holly (being the ever-dutiful girlfriend, and also not realizing why we were so hell-bent on crossing the border) stayed behind. Nat and Amanda and I trapsed out of the country armed with 30 minutes of free time, which we spent on the slot machines in Casino Niagara (10 minutes and $3) and in the duty-free shop (20 minutes and $23 for a litre of Tanqueray and a litre of Absolut Peppar). God bless Canada.
posted by Kate at 10:47 AM link/comments
Friday, May 24, 2002
Uh, cable? Don't we pay for cable and isn't it infinitely better than network TV? I adore the fact that there are no stupid commerical breaks during The Sopranos. Imagine, Tony offs some guy, but wait, time for a shampoo commercial. It just won't work.
What bothers me are those public service announcement commercials for advertising that spin advertising as "a choice," and don't we all want to have "a choice" in what we buy, because isn't democracy all about choices, and on and on until we're one logical misstep away from becoming a fascist nation if we don't embrace advertising at all costs...
posted by Jen at 6:29 PM link/comments
Thursday, May 23, 2002
"If you don't watch the commercials, someone's going to have to pay for television and it's going to be you." -- Jamie C. Kellner, chief executive of Turner Broadcasting, on using digital video recorders to skip the ads. Great. Not only are we having corporate advertising slammed down our throats at every waking moment, but now we're being openly threatened by network executives. Anyone else feel like turning off the TV?
posted by Kate at 10:02 AM link/comments
Wednesday, May 22, 2002
Your lemonade sales pitch reminds me of a David Sedaris essay, the one titled C.O.G., from Naked. Sedaris ends up working for that crazy guy who is hellbent on making jade clocks shaped like Oregon. At the craft fair, no one buys the clocks (but Sedaris sells $100 worth of jade stash boxes, his idea) and the guy gets all aggressive with his attempts to lure in the customers. I also think Sedaris makes up 90% of his essays.
posted by Jen at 5:24 PM link/comments
Monday, May 20, 2002
Holly, Melinda, and I had the pleasure of running a lemonade stand this weekend. It was a volunteer deal at an annual neighborhood bohemian/hippie street fair thing, and the lemonade stand was to raise money for next year's festivities. The weather was in the 40s, so convincing passers-by that what they needed was a tall glass of cold lemonade was a bit of a challenge. We decided to resort to an age-old marketing tactic called "harrassing the consumer." As people strolled by, we yelled at them: "Fight the establishment! Buy lemonade!" Badgering the public. Ahhhhh.
"Lemonade! We swear it's not that cold!"
"Lemonade would go perfect with whatever the hell that is you're eating!"
"Republicans hate lemonade!"
posted by Kate at 4:27 PM link/comments
Wednesday, May 15, 2002
Well, that little pac-man crack-man thing was nice, Kate. You all should know that on Monday, Paul and several uber-geeks are flying to LA for the E3 convention (the Electronics Entertainment Expo, I think it is). Since Paul publishes reviews at gamesfirst, he has a press pass and he's signed on to interview Pentagon PR folks about the latest game our government is developing for the wellbeing of all our little future soldiers. He's also hoping for a Gary Coleman sighting, apparently an annual highlight of E3.
posted by Jen at 5:10 PM link/comments
I'm working on a site for a teacher licensure program here at this fine university, so I've been searching my stock photo sites for "teacherish" artwork. I ran a search at one for "book," and this was among the results.
posted by Kate at 11:04 AM link/comments
Tuesday, May 14, 2002
I'm not even going to try to describe this. Just go have a look.
posted by Kate at 4:17 PM link/comments
Monday, May 13, 2002
It has recently come to my attention, via a marked lack of sensation in my bodily extremities, that my office is very cold. After very careful sleuthing and deduction, I have determined that this is due to the outside temperature being 45 degrees, while the air conditioning inside my office is on at full tilt. I have been working at this institution since February of 2000, and each year the same scenario occurs: Every year in mid-April, the heat in all office buildings on campus ceases to function. I am told that this is due to the heat being controlled by some nebulous Big Switch, which may or may not be located on campus, in the state of Ohio, or within the confines of the Western Hemisphere. It is my understanding that the Big Switch is flipped each ides of April, thereby disallowing anyone on campus the privilege of heated workspace and/or domicile. At the same time, said Big Switch activates campus-wide central air to kick on with a vengeance. I have further been informed that the reason for this is as follows: It starts to get warmer in April. Therefore, we don't need indoor heat anymore. This justification for some reason comes as no consolation to me as I sit here in my office wearing bedroom slippers, a sweatshirt over my work clothes, and wrapped with a fleece blanket from the waist down.
posted by Kate at 4:53 PM link/comments
Saturday, May 11, 2002
I have a Subway story I know everyone in the world is dying to hear. So when I worked in Des Moines, the subway there had hot gardenburger subs that made me absurdly happy, given that one can only eat so many cold "veggie delight" subs before hating life. I move to Idaho, and ruefully boycott the only Subway in town because they don't have the gardenburger. So a few weeks ago, after much giddy imbibing of cokes and vanilla Stoli at the bar, I decide I want a late night sub, and I also decide to berate the sandwhich artist for not having gardenburgers. And the kid was like, "Oh, we have those, we just don't put them on the menu." He had already assembled my veggie sub, so I asked him to put a gardenburger on it. This was a big deal, because not only do they not put the gardenburder on the menu, but they also hide it somewhere in a faraway freezer and it's a Major Operation to go get it, heat it up, and tuck it into the sandwich. Paul was with me at the time and he was embarrassed over the whole episode, to the point where he refuses to ask for a gardenburger at Subway because it seems to bother everyone who works there. He's always saying, "Oh my god, you're going to ask for the gardenburger, aren't you?" As if I'm asking for raw dog meat or something. But, in conclusion, I'd just like to point out how absurd it is that any eatery will have something yet not put it on the menu. That defies all levels of logic.
posted by Jen at 2:39 PM link/comments
Friday, May 10, 2002
*blows dust off keyboard* Howdy, Alex. Feel free to post away. Welcome, Marc. *in booming voice* Greetings To All Who Enter Here! *ahem* What Marc is demonstrating here is the inherent frustration all Clevelanders feel when encountering the vast majority of service industry employees. Those of us who have previously been employed in such industries feel torn; on one hand, we remember the way the job turned us into grumpy, resentful bastards -- Oh, holy mother of god. She just slapped a handful of onions on the sub. I told her 'no onions.' On and on, until by the time I leave the store (carrying my onion-laden sandwich), my jaw's so tight that someone could shatter it with a light tap of a ballpeen hammer.who stole flavored cappuccino mix and many cartons-worth of cigarettes. On the other hand, WE'RE JUST HUNGRY PEOPLE WHO WANT TO OBTAIN FOOD WITH A MINIMUM AMOUNT OF EFFORT. What ends up happening to me is that I stand there (in Subway, say) in front of the counter, watching my sandwich being prepared and trying to appear carefree and serene, while experiencing near-unbearable levels of inner turmoil.
-- Leave it alone. If you say anything, the fallout will be much worse than just picking the onions off the sandwich.
-- But then my hands will smell like onions, and since I'll throw the onions in the trash can, my whole office will smell like onions all afternoon.
-- Just open a window. You'll be fine. If you ask this woman to remake the sandwich, you'll piss her off. You'll also infuriate the six people in line behind you.
posted by Kate at 11:23 AM link/comments
Thursday, May 09, 2002
Hey Yo!
So I go into Subway today and make a rather easy order. I ask for a footlong "Southwest Steak and Cheese on Hearty Italian". I am then asked if I want cheese, what? didn't I ask FOR a sandwich with the word cheese in it. Secondly she puts Dijon sauce and not the Southwest sauce on the sandwich, which I point out. Her reply "Do you want me to remake it?". No, by all means you fucked up, but let me eat that I didn't ask for because you are too lazy to do your job right, YES I want you to remake it as I didn't want Dijon, but Southwest sauce as it AGAIN is an ingredient that is in the name. I know it is a hard job and we have to get our best College stars to work there, but damnit I hate stupid people........
posted by Marc at 2:31 PM link/comments
Tuesday, May 07, 2002
Hi folks! Surprised I still have write access here, but that's what unlocked doors are for, right?
What happens to the fans when a TV series finishes? Antagonists of newsgroup aus.tv.x-files still meet and talk on IRC and even attend annual interstate gatherings.
Kate, re your site disappearing, I'm surprised this little incident didn't occur to you! Via daypop.com.
posted by Alex at 7:45 PM link/comments
Monday, May 06, 2002
At the grocery store last night, there was a pheasant running around the parking lot. He looked like a road runner. He looked confused. I felt like I should have helped him, but how does one help a pheasant, other than pointing his red head back to the field...
posted by Jen at 4:01 PM link/comments
Thursday, May 02, 2002
yay for frisbee golf! Mike's right -- it's absurdly more fun than it ought to be. I thought I was getting good at it, but then I played a round with a guy who was hitting the basket in two shots, and that was with his manic border collie interrupting play at all moments. It's a stellar day when I can throw the damn disc in a straight line.
posted by Jen at 4:10 PM link/comments
Wednesday, May 01, 2002
Hee hee... I started playing frisbee golf a month or so ago. There's a course not two miles from where I work. It's a lot more fun then I imagined it would be. Plus, the 'discs' make great weapons. I've nearly decapitated two of my friends out here. And I'm one of the better players.
posted by Mike at 4:58 PM link/comments
If anyone wants to read about the famous writer's seven hour taxi ride, go to slate and read Rick Moody's diary entry for Monday. The guy who taught him the rules of disc golf is Paul.
posted by Jen at 4:15 PM link/comments