Paul is convinced that Diane Rehm is 1,000 years old, based on her voice. We were listening to her at some point in our 2,200 mile drive from Ohio to Idaho, and the topic was botox, and Diane admitted that for her voice therapy treatment, she gets botox injections right into her vocal cords. How about that...
posted by Jen at 11:38 AM link/comments
Tuesday, July 30, 2002
Welcome back, Jen. They're right, you know. Goats do roam. My parents have goats, and dammit, they roam. Roam, roam, roam. As if the world needed more proof that I have the maturity level of a 12-year-old, I'm sitting here listening to NPR, and this woman's on the Diane Rehm Show talking about growing melons. Diane Rehm: My guest today is Amy Goldman, and today we're going to talk about her melons. I'm such an ass.
Me: *snicker*
DR: So how did you get so interested in melons?
AG:Well, growing up, our gardener was Italian, and he just loved melons.
Me: *chortle*
AG:He used the old Italian way of growing them, the way his grandmother did, and he said she had great melons.
Me: *GUFFAW*
AG: You know, you can grow melons too, and you can grow them even bigger than mine.
Me: *SNORTCACKLE*, *pounds fist on desk*
posted by Kate at 11:34 AM link/comments
Monday, July 29, 2002
Decembered the bodies. I like that.
I'm back in Idaho, where topless car washes will now earn you a $500 fine courtesy of the conservatives and the puritans. Ohio was the usual whirlwind of friends and family and OH MY GOD THE FUCKING HUMIDITY. I have grown spoiled in the mountains. Anyway. Highlights of the trip home including drinking a wine called Goats Do Roam. Somehow, the verb tense fascinates me. It's not that the goats did roam, or will roam, or are in the process of roaming. They do roam, and by god, someone christened a wine after this activity.
And oatmeal baths for cats. That is so absurb. I once gave a cat a bath and had to wear rawhide gloves that stretched to my elbows. It's not a pleasant task.
posted by Jen at 11:16 AM link/comments
Monday, July 22, 2002
My grandmother, who's 82, is the queen of mispronunciation. It's not due to senility or anything; my mother reports that she's been like this for at least 53 years. There was recently a case in the headlines about a rather gruesome murder in the Delmarva coastal area. Since my family has always vacationed there, Grandma was very distraught upon hearing of the case. She called my mom. "Did you hear about that murder in Ocean City?" she asked. "They decembered the bodies and put them in the hamster."
posted by Kate at 1:26 PM link/comments
Friday, July 19, 2002
Now here's one of those domestic problems neither your mother nor Martha Stewart ever warn you about ... Since installing the air conditioning, all three of my cats have developed a horrific case of dandruff. Now, in addition to the usual cat-hair tumbleweeds that I'm forever chasing around the apartment, all my furniture is covered in little while specks. I turned to the web for advice. The first step, I'm told, is to brush the hell out of the cats for a few days straight to see if the dandruff can be exfoliated away. Barring that, say the articles in an offhand manner, simply give the cats an oatmeal bath. Clearly, the "expert" authors of these articles have never owned or been exposed to anything feline. I can see the news story already. "A local woman is dead tonight from multiple lacerations after apparently attempting to dunk three cats into a sinkful of oatmeal. Film at eleven."
posted by Kate at 11:51 AM link/comments
Wednesday, July 17, 2002
Hmmm. Blogger just said, "No, Kate, you can't publish. Wanna know why? Cause I ate your whole template, that's why! Mwah ha ha ha! Urrrrrrp!" I think we're all better now.
posted by Kate at 3:38 PM link/comments
Tuesday, July 16, 2002
Just checked the logs. We are getting massive amounts of hits from this conversation. Everyone in cyberspace is running google queries for "Moscow topless carwash."
posted by Kate at 10:37 AM link/comments
I remember a similar controversy, back when I worked for the paper, having to do with a proposed strip club. There's nothing funnier than city council meetings wherein middle-aged fundamentalist Christians attempt with straight faces to discuss genital coverings. I remember the word "opaque" being used a lot, as in "strippers must cover up their bits with opaque material."
posted by Kate at 10:29 AM link/comments
Tim just sent me this in response. Go Shel.
posted by Kate at 10:20 AM link/comments
Saturday, July 13, 2002
Topless Carwash, Part II:
So driving home from a movie, we saw that the carwash had set up at someone else's garage, and enthusiastic boys were out in the streets with signs. So off we went, in support of subversive toplessness everywhere. It was a little bit like if Hiram's freak population had decided to wash cars -- a small group of scrappy punks with piercings galore and tattoos hustling around the cars with one hose and one bucket and what appeared to be kitchen rags. As they scrubbed away and Paul and I stood aside with another customer who was clearly there for the titallating aspects, the washers were very excited to announce that a news crew from Germany was flying in to film them.
I have to say I love it when small-town controversies spiral out of control.
posted by Jen at 11:07 AM link/comments
Friday, July 12, 2002
The Topless Car Wash update:
OK...what happened was that some undergrads happened to notice that a local nudity law requires one to cover only "the genitals" while in public. Thus, breasts were unleashed, the carwash was opened, bare-chested men joined in, and the happy co-eds asked only for donations as they merrily soaped up the cars. Neighbors complained. Then, a local carwash owner, self-described as an upstanding business man who was losing business to the topless intruders, took his plight to the city council. The council members debated such things as how much cleavage was acceptable and whether or not the entire nipple area should be covered, and whether or not the nipple should be covered with a strap, suspenders, or something else. Meanwhile, the landlord evicted the kids for not paying their July rent, because despite their popularity, the topless car wash did not generate the $800 needed for rent. Alas. Their apartment was described as "commune," which I found amusing.
posted by Jen at 1:35 PM link/comments
Thursday, July 11, 2002
Yesterday, as the temp topped 99 degrees (ah, but the dry heat still beats humidity any day) Paul and I were counting the hours until the matinee showing of The Fellowship of The Ring at the awesome indie air conditioned theater in town. We were talking about nothing other than sitting in a cold dark spot for three hours, munching popcorn and watching a great film. So. Being an independent theater apparently staffed by overworked teens, the movie starts twenty minutes late. But we don't mind. Then, twenty minutes into the flick, just as Gandalf realizes that Bilbo has been drawn to the dark forces of the ring, just as it all starts to get good, the film skitters sideways, jams, breaks, and melts onto the projector's light. And there we sit, filmus interruptus, for another twenty minutes while the kids try to figure out how to salvage the reel. Finally they announced that "due to technical difficulties" the matinee was cancelled, but we could all get free passes to the evening showing. So we show up at 7, and the line of hot Idahoans craving mythological fantasy stretches down the block and across the street. But with our free passes, all the matinee crowd gets to go in first! Everyone else is pissed. The film starts half an hour late, and there's an amusing amateurish splice where the film must have melted into oblivion. But the reel held up for the remainder, and we all lived happily ever after.
posted by Jen at 12:45 PM link/comments
And oh yeah ... The breast thing makes no sense to me. Horrifically fat, hairy men are allowed to parade around shirtless and sweaty whilst scratching themselves through their poly-cotton blend "athletic shorts," but the world screams in horror and covers its eyes at the sight of boobs. No one seems to think there's anything wrong with this.
posted by Kate at 10:19 AM link/comments
Yeehaw for semi-annual Jen and Paul visits. Hopefully you can pencil me in for libations and wry conversation at some point during your visit. Last night, Melinda and I were strolling down Coventry when we encountered two 20-something guys sitting on the sidewalk, tending to a pot-bellied pig on a leash. We watched with great amusement as the pig helped itself to most of its owner's Subway veggie sub, making happy snorty/squealy pig noises all the while. The owner turned out to be downright apeshit. Between bits of idle chatter, he'd periodically look me dead in the eye and make deep, frightening pig-snort noises. Then he'd sigh and say, "I love pigs. Love 'em."
posted by Kate at 9:52 AM link/comments
Wednesday, July 10, 2002
Also -- Paul and I might be in the greater Cleveland area on July 22 and 23, for our obligatory and riotously-amusing semi-annual visit with Bridog.
posted by Jen at 1:54 PM link/comments
Yeah...I've seen signs for the topless car wash, and then a few hours later they are gone, so I've never actually witnessed the situation. I think it's just some hot chicks running a summer "business" out of various garages around town. The city council is debating how to change their "nudity" laws, I think - as in, can you be topless in your own garage? And last night, Paul and I saw a series of angry posters around town proclaiming how vulgar and immoral women are for dressing (or not dressing) the way they do. Meanwhile, the entire population of frat boys prowls the streets shirtless, abs a-glowing, pounding their chests...I'm actually really tired of old-timers and fundementalists thinking that breasts, by virtue of being breasts, are inherently "vulgar" and must be covered. What the fuck ever.
posted by Jen at 1:52 PM link/comments
Wow, Jen. You're the Social Services of houseplants. All foliage in Moscow, Idaho must sing your praises. Speaking of Moscow, I saw a blurb this morning on the CNN news ticker about some controversy in your city involving a topless car wash. Do tell. The other night, while sleeping on my living room floor to avoid the inferno that is my bedroom, I had a dream that I was being chased by boars. Eventually one of the boars caught up to me, knocked me on my back, and started attacking. I gasped awake to find TiametTheCat sitting on my chest, casually kneading her claws into my sternum.
posted by Kate at 9:32 AM link/comments
Tuesday, July 09, 2002
Yesterday I rescued a plant from the dumpster (my fourth such rescue. Apparently I have a sixth sense for knowing when my neighbors are trashing perfectly good houseplants.) I saw the guy toss it, so I had to decide on the appropriate wait time before I assumed a non-suspicious air and casually removed the large plant from the jaws of the blue dumpster. The plant is a croton. Big colorful leaves. A bitch to grow -- needs lots of light. This morning, with water and light and all my hopes and wishes for discarded plants everywhere, it has perked up and looks lovely.
posted by Jen at 12:33 PM link/comments
Monday, July 08, 2002
Fourth of July ... Not a lot to report. Marc, Zack, and I watched fireworks from the Chagrin Boulevard sidewalk. Prior to that, we drank beer and watched professional wrestling. Staggering in breadth, this life of mine. One of my favorite useless hobbies is to think of domain names that no one's yet laid claim to. I was thinking this morning that "have-at-it-dot-com" might be a good one, because it's one of my most oft-used phrases, i.e., "You hungry? There's a bowl of schnitzel on the counter. Have at it." Upon typing it into my browser, however, I realized that due to lack of spaces, the domain would also be "have-a-tit-dot-com", which is not the same thing at all and evokes a perverted-party-hostess kind of vibe. Back to the drawing board.
posted by Kate at 9:42 AM link/comments
Sunday, July 07, 2002
Fourth of July stories, anyone? Paul and I sat in a friend's front yard and watched the fireworks over Lake Coeur D'Alene. Very spectacular. Someone kept sending up these strange self-propelled lanterns topped with American flags. They looked like little moon-landing modules.
And in honor of something, perhaps my insanity for continuing to be a grad student, I've been assigned an 8:30 a.m. English 101 class for fall semester. Followed by another English 101 class at 9:30. I actually offered to do this, working on the whole "wow I'll be done by 10:30! The whole day ahead of me!" theory.
posted by Jen at 4:04 PM link/comments
Tuesday, July 02, 2002
So in my quest for amassing as much "outdoor" gear as possible, I bought one of those camelback (love that name) water backpacks. It's a thin, mini-backpack that holds only water and has a tube which runs over your shoulder, down the strap, and right into your thirsty mouth so you can slurp on water nonstop while doing a variety of things. I amused myself for a good hour last night fiddling around with it. First thirty minutes -- could not convince water to obey law of suction. Second thirty minutes -- could not convince water to cease squirting out of mouthpiece. It's one of those things that should have been incredibly simple, yet somehow I made it as difficult (and wet) as possible.
posted by Jen at 1:55 PM link/comments
Monday, July 01, 2002
Dammittohell! I hate mosquitoes!
*scratch scratch scratch*
posted by Kate at 1:29 PM link/comments
The other night, after enduring a series of wiseass comments and jabs in the ribs, I grabbed a pillow and began to "playfully" smother MarcTheBoyfriend. Then, from under the pillow, muffled, calm and matter-of fact, "Stop suffocating me, Kate. I have things to do tomorrow."
posted by Kate at 10:42 AM link/comments
Growrf. 93 degrees in Cleveland today. You can almost hear the city emitting a collective moan.
posted by Kate at 10:39 AM link/comments