I woke up Sunday morning and found, littered amongst assorted beer bottles and half-empty wine glasses, the following items on our coffee table: 1 can of sardines Good party.
1 copy of "Cosmo Girl!" featuring an article about why Eminem, despite his apparent misogyny, is actually a loving kinda guy
1 box of Paz-brand Easter egg dye
1 can of shaving cream
posted by Kate at 10:03 AM link/comments
Friday, March 28, 2003
'allo. I'm here. I've been happy to see everyone posting this week, yet reluctant to chime in. Silly little Life things have been stressing me lately, so I've been stomping around the universe with all the humor of an arthritic dragon. I'm not entirely sure what that means, but I kind of like it. Paul and Nat, your collective desire for all things velvet reminds me: Back in high school, I dated a guy whose late father had been a prolific painter, and his preferred medium was velvet. The walls of their house were covered in his work ... matadors on velvet (he was particularly fond of matadors as subjects), still life on velvet, assorted African wildlife on velvet. The piece d'resistance, though, was the massive (probably 6-foot-by-6-foot) rendition of the chariot scene from Ben Hur that hung in their tiny living room. All on luscious velvet, which did a fabulous job of attracting and retaining flyaway hair from the family's 3 cats. I don't recall ever seeing an Velvis, though. Pity. Jen, the grill story made me laugh, even long after I was finished reading it. Our landlady has no discernable fear of fire, but she is convinced that my cats are part of a worldwide feline conglomerate dedicated to the destruction of hardwood floors. There's a terrorist-themed joke in there somewhere, but I think I'll leave it alone.
posted by Kate at 10:08 AM link/comments
Thursday, March 27, 2003
One of the nice things about owning a house is that I can burn the damn thing down if I feel like it.
Gas grill: no problem, open flames: no problem, pointy sticks with poisin tips: no problem. Ah the freedom.
Unfortunatly if I burn it down, it is my own damn fault, But then again that is why one has insurance. . .
posted by Nat at 1:29 PM link/comments
Where oh where has our little Kate gone?
posted by Nat at 10:36 AM link/comments
Saturday, March 22, 2003
The next-door neighbor is still nonexistent.
The downstairs neighbor, however, has one of those little black outdoor grills which he has placed, for some reason, up the stairs on our landing (we have outdoor stairs). Possibly for the nice view of the parking lot while he's grilling beef. This neighbor failed to notice the landlord's anti-grill poster in the laundry room, and trouble has ensued. The poster is classic -- a man with a sooty face and burnt hair is standing over a sort-of-exploded grill and the text says something like "This man just killed his neighbors. Grills are a fire hazard!"
So the landlord assumed the grill was ours (it is on our landing, and we do own a candle, another sure-fire fire hazard) and posted a pink-papered note on our door listing all the reasons why the grill had to be moved immediately, preferably to a fire-proof chamber regulated at all times by a volunteer fireman. Paul took great delight in calling to point out the grill wasn't ours. The landlord apologized profusely and set about the task of calling everyone in our half of the building, in order to find the dastardly culprit. The end result: the grill remains and I'm fairly sure our landlord does not sleep at night, for fear of the many common household objects plotting to reduce his apartments to a pile of cinders.
posted by Jen at 1:12 PM link/comments
you know, i honestly can't remember which student i was talking about. it seems so long ago. but rest assured--they're all giving me hell. just the other day, a student left a conference with me about her paper, and my office mate poked his head into the room and said, "Holy God she was stupid. How can a person survive being so stupid? Doesn't she realize that one day she'll have to start thinking?" then he went to his own class and asked them if they thought it was possible to live a whole life without ever really thinking. they thought about it briefly, then said it was entirely possible. we were all forced to agree.
i swear, it's so sunny here and warm that sometimes i believe spring has begun. this, however, doesn't stop people from saying, "The equinox was today. Spring has officially started---(sarcastically) can't you tell?" okay, maybe bunnies arent having sex right here in the parking lot, and maybe the tulips are still asleep in the soggy ground, but at least it hasnt snowed in three weeks. would you give it a chance? these are the same people who get frustrated by the amount of time required to microwave a Lean Cuisine.
i would love--i cannot say this unqualifiedly enough--i would LOVE to have a velvet painting of dogs playing poker. this would be so special. i think we're all aware of how rarely i write in all capital letters.
posted by paully at 3:54 AM link/comments
Thursday, March 20, 2003
Thank-god someone is keeping the tradition alive. Plus they are combining two great forms of underappreciated art, Dogs playing poker and Velvet painting. I think that I might need it for my office. Now if only they had one of the Disciples playing poker on velvet, with a clown crying in the background. . .
Perhaps I should commision one.
Spring has finaly arrived. Which asside from tempetures slightly above freezing (which for winnipeg is shorts and t-shirt weather) has turned the world into a sodden, swampy, brown wasteland. It has turned our back yeard into a nasty Cesspool of newly melted Wally urine. Is this what I dreamed about all winter? yeah, it actually is. How sick is that?
posted by Nat at 10:44 AM link/comments
Wednesday, March 19, 2003
Oh, and while I'm on a morbid kick, Paul, I want to hear more about the student who's about to shuffle off this mortal coil. And the isopropyl, too, please. Jen, any updates on the possibly-dead neighbor? And Nat, Marc found this on ebay yesterday. If it hadn't been so damned expensive, we would have bought it for you.
posted by Kate at 10:02 AM link/comments
Jen, you should totally go get the remote. Just think: Maybe you and Paul could end up on the local news. This country has officially gone batshit, in my estimation. Here now is the evidence. 1. "Fine, France! Have it your way! We'll just take our cadavers and go home!" Mix in "freedom" fries and toast and our president's inability to pronounced the word 'nuclear' ("newk-yoo-ler") during a massively important worldwide-syndicated address, stir, chill, and enjoy. What the hell.
2. Never underestimate the power of a man with a tractor. "I'm going to get my message out," Watson said in a telephone call to The Washington Post from Constitution Gardens, where he drove a green John Deere tractor into a shallow pond at 12:30 p.m. Monday. "I will not surrender," Watson said early yesterday afternoon, adding that he had plenty of food and water, as well as toughness and stamina dating to his days in the Army. "They can blow my ass out of the water. I'm ready to go to Heaven."
Many thanks to my coworker, Laura, for finding this gem of a quote.
posted by Kate at 9:58 AM link/comments
Tuesday, March 11, 2003
So our neighbor -- we've seen her maybe twice in the last year and a half. Routinely, newspapers and such pile up outside her door, because she's never ever around. Then, mysteriously, they will be cleared away one day, but I think the landlord takes them, because then the next day stuff starts amassing again. So we have this morbid supposition that she's dead in there and that a distant relative is paying her rent without realizing she's joined the dearly departed. This theory was bolstered by a visit from the cable guy, who put a big blue warning on her door that says "Your cable service has been disconnected." The sign has been up for a week. THEN, our own cable remote control's battery cover broke (ceasing to be an effective battery cover). This resulted in the absurd proposition that one of us sneak into her apartment and exchange remotes. Because, given all the evidence, would it really matter?
posted by Jen at 2:41 PM link/comments
Thursday, March 06, 2003
nat, i love that you nearly bought a canoe. the other day i was glowing because i bought shoe inserts online, but buying watercraft online makes me look like child's play. you so cool.
right now there are flurries of snow intermittently spinning out of the sky. in the moments of calm between, birds sing in the trees in an adamant display of denial. i admire their rebelious spirit, but i want to shake them and say, "Why don't you fly where it's warm?" they would tell me, "Warm is a state of mind." bunch of zen birds around here.
i have a student who tells me every day how much closer he is to death. i want to say to him, "You act like death wouldn't be sweet release." i'd probably be fired. i have isopropyl in my office, so i'm already on thin ice. but think of all the papers he wouldnt have to write.
posted by paully at 7:39 PM link/comments
Monday, March 03, 2003
So with Mark moving in with you kate, what will become of Zack?
I have begun to fantisize about warm weather, and what it will be like when one dosent have to put three or four layers on, just to go out side for three minutes. I ocasionally look at my sandles in disbelief, saying to myself "how could anyone wear those? has there ever been a time when thoes wouldn't mean a quick trip to the hospital to get your frozen toes removed?" Argh! We are now in our sixth month of snow! Six months!
I almost bought a canoe online yesterday (you can get anything on ebay) as an anticiptory gift to myself for making it thorough the winter. But even if it did warm up it will take an additional week or two for the two feet of Ice to melt off of the river.
Argh.
posted by Nat at 12:41 PM link/comments