This is What I Would Like to See During Tonight's State of the Union Address:
- President enters room accompanied by Imperial March
- Speech begins thusly: "The state of our union is ... hyuck ... kinda jacked-up."
- All measly attempts at humor by President accompanied by jazz hands and enthusiastic "Wokka wokka wokka!"
- Each time President says "newk-yoo-ler," television cuts to vintage "Laugh-In" footage of go-go-dancing Goldie Hawn
- At every mention of bipartisanism, Dick Cheney and Nancy Pelosi engage in effeminate whappy-hands-style catfight.
- Barack Obama removes one (1) article of clothing each time camera cuts to him. Bonus points if by end of speech, he is wearing nothing but shiny gold sex medallion and black dress socks.
- Entire room hazy with pot smoke from Dennis Kucinich's bong.
- Mid-speech, Joe Lieberman sheds withered humanly shell to reveal horrifying alien exoskeleton, seizes Arlen Specter in massive jaws before spreading wings and flying directly through ceiling of Capitol.
- Directly following capstone "May God continue to bless America" statement, half-dozen prominent members of Saudi royal family in traditional dress arrange themselves behind President and begin to perform Rockette-style kickline. President, in foreground, gulps crude oil from martini glass.
posted by Kate at 3:47 PM link/comments
